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Original poster

Stranger "hits" DD - am I over-reacting?

279 replies

rosabud · 14/05/2014 23:17

My DD is 17. Today she was on the bus on the way home from school (6th form so not in uniform). It was crowded and old people were tutting at her and making it obvious she should give up her seat for them (there were free seats towards the back of the bus - not sure that is relevant). Nomally she would have given up her seat but she was tired, had been in an AS exam which had gone horribly wrong and her back was hurting. Personally, I think she should still have given up her seat.......but don't think that's an excuse for what happened next.

A seat behind her became vacant and, as an old man (in his 70s, she thinks) sat down in it, he hit/slapped her across the shoulder ('quite' hard - but not hard enough to cause injury) and told her that she should give up her seat for an old man next time. DD apologised and tried to explain about the exam and her back - but he did not answer her. Old people continued to tut at her and she sat there and cried!

She should have given up her seat, I think. But I am really angry that a man thinks he had the right to hit/slap her! Would he have done that to an older person like myself? Would he have done that to a teenage boy - I don't think so, surely he would have been too wary of being punched back?!

I am so cross! How dare he?! Am I over-reacting?

OP posts:

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 15/05/2014 00:52

Tell me, what age entitles you to walk onto a bus and turf whoever you like out of their seat just because you fancy it?

CaptChaos · 15/05/2014 00:52

Hmmm, so inconsiderate people should be hit then?

So, you'll be fine if someone clocks you one if you park in a space they feel entitled to then?

Honestly, the hoops some people jump through to justify violence astounds me.

turgiday · 15/05/2014 00:53

Elderly people often need to sit near the front of the bus. If there are other seats available, I never sit near the front. Where I live, most able bodied adults do the same.

No he shouldnt have hit her on the shoulder. But you are acting as if your daughter is blameless here. If she is right and all the old people on the bus were tutting at her not moving, there was clearly a reason why she should have moved. She refused to.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 15/05/2014 00:55

"No he shouldnt have hit her on the shoulder. But you are acting as if your daughter is blameless here"

Did you actually read the OP? She clearly states more than once that she thinks her daughter should have moved.

NickiFury · 15/05/2014 00:56

It doesn't matter that she didn't get up. He had no right to hit her and I am astounded that so many think she deserved it.

Ledkr · 15/05/2014 00:56

Blimey. I know a few teenagers who's have hit this old git back, then he'd have something to really complain about!

CaptChaos · 15/05/2014 00:56

The op specifically said her DD wasn't blameless, Turgid. I don't agree, there were other seats available.

Either way, the child did not deserve to be assaulted, however bloody inconsiderate she might have been.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 15/05/2014 00:57

"there was clearly a reason why she should have moved. She refused to."

She wasnt asked! She was tutted at- lets talk about those manners, hmmm?

NickiFury · 15/05/2014 00:57

Me too Ledkr. As said before he obviously knew he could get it away with it with her, the bullying old twat!

stolemyusername · 15/05/2014 00:59

He had no right at all to touch your daughter in anyway.

However, none of your daughters reasons justify sitting whilst an elderly person stood up. IMO she should have moved to the back of the bus if there were seats available.

turgiday · 15/05/2014 00:59

So people have to be asked before they do the right thing? I disagree.

TrucksAndDinosaurs · 15/05/2014 01:00

Any moral high ground he may have had due to age, infirmity etc went right out the window when he hit someone.
My 3 year old gets this: it's not fucking difficult.
Yanbu.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 15/05/2014 01:02

The right thing when there are other free seats and nothing to indicate that person is in more need of the seat than you with the sore back? The right thing is sit in the seat you paid for. Age ALONE does not mean he needed it more than her, especially when others were available.

turgiday · 15/05/2014 01:02

If you behave badly in public, you risk someone reacting to your bad behaviour in a less than perfect way.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 15/05/2014 01:04

If you behave badly in public, you risk someone reacting to your bad behaviour in a less than perfect way.

You're right. He was lucky he wasnt lamped.

CaptChaos · 15/05/2014 01:05

'He shouldn't have hit her, but she did X'

'He shouldn't have raped her, but she was wearing X'

'He shouldn't have killed her, but she drove him to it by doing X'

Sounding familiar to anyone?

turgiday · 15/05/2014 01:05

Billy - If all the old people were tutting, then the situation was clear cut. It is extremely rare to see lots of people obviously unhappy on a bus at 1 persons behaviour. It is usually in pretty extreme situations.

Or alternatively the daughter could be exagerating.

RandomFriend · 15/05/2014 01:06

What SGB said.

The OP's DD was upset because her exam had gone badly. The other people on the bus must have seen that she was upset and should have left her alone. They could have asked her politely if to move, if her moving was going to make a big difference for them, rather than "tut-tutting".

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 15/05/2014 01:09

"Billy - If all the old people were tutting, then the situation was clear cut. It is extremely rare to see lots of people obviously unhappy on a bus at 1 persons behaviour. It is usually in pretty extreme situations.

Or alternatively the daughter could be exagerating."

Or some people have a misplaced sense of entitlement and express it through the medium of 'tut' instead of just saying what they want. People are not mind readers.

ThaneOfScunthorpe · 15/05/2014 01:15

Maybe she should've stood up but that's not the point. We learn as children that hitting people is not the way to obtain what you want. Shame on him. I agree that this should be reported to the police.

BerylStreep · 15/05/2014 01:16

*If you behave badly in public, you risk someone reacting to your bad behaviour in a less than perfect way.

You're right. He was lucky he wasnt lamped.*

^ this^

WTF with all the tutting?

OP - I really think you need to support your DD on this one. Yes, in perfect circumstances, she could have moved for the self-entitled old person who felt they needed the seat more, but there were reasons why she didn't. Instead she was assaulted. One does not justify the other.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 15/05/2014 01:20

My cousin is 14 and has MS but you wouldnt know by looking at her. At times she can have horrible headaches, dizziness and exhaustion and wouldnt have managed to get from the front of a bus to seats at the back without help.

Yet according to some on this thread she would be in the wrong for staying seated despite never having been asked to move

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 15/05/2014 01:21

This could easily have been her getting hit today before even getting a chance to explain why she was still sitting. And you can bet your ass she would have cried.

BerylStreep · 15/05/2014 01:27

And would have been accused of snivelling.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 15/05/2014 01:29

Yep.

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