Dear rape apologists and whiners: I've done all the Bad Things. Repeatedly. It's never thevictim's fault.

[solidgoldbrass]

I haven't been raped.This is because lots of men are not rapists, and don't immediately rape women who are drunk, wearing short skirts or out after dark without an owner. If you think that any of the above things, or being asleep in a bed near a man, or even having some willing sexual activity with a man and then saying actually no, stop, means it's OK for the man to just go ahead and fuck till he spunks...Would your son do that? Your husband, your best mate, your brother? Do you really think that all the men you know are potential rapists?

The nearest I have come to being raped was on two different occasions.

Once it was after taking a lift home with a college friend I fancied who then proceeded to do various sexual things to me and on top of me while I repeatedly said I did not want him to. He then said I would never tell anyone and left my house.

the next week I returned to college, refused to speak to him and he pretended to take a phone call, left the building and never returned to the course.

And I saw him another time and he acted like nothing had ever been wrong. I dread to think what else he has done to other people.

The other time I had called a 'friend' to come over as I'd had a vehicle stolen and the police round, late at night, and he offered to stay with me, I let him share my bed thinking he was safe and woke up with his hand on my breasts (I was fully clothed).

I reacted badly and he left in utter shame, apologised the next day but made light of it so I told him never to contact me again.

I don't think I was being irresponsible in either situation and was certainly not drunk or wearing anything revealing. They both just decided that what they wanted took precedence over my feelings.

Oh and the one time I did do something extremely stupid, leaving a nightclub in a strange town without my friends, with no way of getting home, to go to a stranger's flat he was sharing with a group of lads, where he tried to have sex with me but when I refused, threw my tights at me without saying goodbye and I let myself out - I was 18, had no idea what I was doing and never expected sex at all - I ended up on the street, at about 2am, in a stupendously short skirt and with no shoes on.

As I stood there, a passing police car stopped and picked me up and kindly gave me a lift home. but I was there for a while beforehand.

I think I was just lucky that no one decided to rape me that night, because I was very vulnerable.

I think it is wise not to make oneself vulnerable in any case but that doesn't mean you won't get raped anyway.