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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

not sure what to title this but it's to do with ejaculation

490 replies

YuleingFanjo · 15/02/2012 10:59

and in particular a man ejaculating on a woman's face. Sorry - I feel awful writing it down.

I was talking to a friend last night, she is much nore sexually adventurous than I am and she was saying that she thought it was part of normal sexual behaviour, that most men found it a turn on and most people she knew thought it was normal.

I argued that it was something that came from porn, was not what I would call normal and there was no equivilant sexual 'thing' for a woman to do to a man. She said that women can 'gush' (I have never done this, maybe I am abnormal) or piss or poo (!) which I pointed out was a totally different thing. But is it?

I was trying to discuss it with her and point out that her sexual encounters are out of the norm, definitely aren't encounters within a loving relationship, and that ejaculating in someones's face is surely more about disrespect than anything else?

or am I wrong. I just find it really horrible and if anyone asked me to let them do so I would show them the door.

Soory - I hope I don't sound like some hairy trucker trying to get off on the whole thing, and I am not asking for personal experiences (I would prefer not to read them thanks) but more to discuss if I am right about the power/porn/disrespect thing...

OP posts:
yellowraincoat · 16/02/2012 20:07

Totally disagree Malificence. Why wouldn't the woman be controlling her own ejaculation? I definitely do.

MyNameIsNotSusan · 16/02/2012 20:20

I think some people on this thread are very sheltered.

Malificence · 16/02/2012 20:23

I really doubt that there are very many women who stand masturbating over their partner in order to ejaculate on them ( unless it's a domination type thing) , it seems (to me) to be a completely different dynamic.
My DH wouldn't feel degraded by my ejaculating on his face either AK and I wouldn't feel like I was degrading him by doing so.

He wouldn't feel comfortable standing above me, wanking at my face though, which is the "standard" view of a man ejaculating on a woman , it's a different thing entirely, to him happening to ejaculate and it landing on my face ( or anywhere else) in the course of general sexual activity.

Original poster
YuleingFanjo · 16/02/2012 20:23

malificence and AyeRobot, I was thinking about the language used in porn too. There does seem to be a tendancy to use degrading language alongside this kind of thing. At least some of the time.

OP posts:
Beachcomber · 16/02/2012 20:24

Well I think we are right back to socialization.

In porn, ejaculating on a woman's face is presented as being degrading/humiliating/macho/dominating/penis worshipping/indifferent to female sexuality/all about the menz/whatevah you want to call it.

This act has its roots in porn. And porn is misogynistic.

I make of that what I do. And what I make of it, is that it is an intrinsically misogynistic act, (to the point that can't quite believe I'm having to spell it out to grown women).

It would appear that this act is being normalized (primarily through the vehicle of internet porn). Ergo we are being socialized through the widespread tolerance, condoning and acceptance of porn (which, let's remember, is filmed prostitution).

Well I think that is depressing and concerning. I don't want the porn hounds dictating what is pleasurable to me or my fast growing children. God forbid the thought.

I find such a thing to be massively repressive and controlling.

Which is sort of ironic for someone being accused of being a 'pearl clutcher'.

Being liberated is not embracing what you are being socialized to do. It is having the freedom to explore what you really want to do.

If for some that is having ejaculate on their face, I won't stand in their way.

yellowraincoat · 16/02/2012 20:24

It seems to you a different dynamic, Malificence and yet it's not. Not in my relationship.

But Fanjo, what are you talking about? About porn or about real relationships? Because to me, this thread seems to be getting a bit confused about which one we're talking about.

MyNameIsNotSusan · 16/02/2012 20:26

I know lots of women who would masturbate in/on their partner's face. Not sure about ejaculation.

Are you buying the lies porn sells you? That only men fully embrace adventurous sex?

Beachcomber · 16/02/2012 20:28

And I do wish people would take the 'moralistic' out of it.

It isn't about morals. It is about women being on the submissive end of male domination again and having that fetishized within our sexuality.

Which is very reinforcing.

Proceed with caution sisters, say I.

yellowraincoat · 16/02/2012 20:28

How can you possibly talk about standing against what you're socialised to do? We're all completely socialised in every single way - otherwise we'd all just walk around with bags on our head or howl at the moon every night. Everything we do is socialised in some way.

If you find one act degrading, don't do it. If people are finding that they don't have the confidence to say no, then parents and teachers are really failing and something needs to be done.

In porn, ejaculating on a woman's face might be portrayed as demeaning, I can't say if that's 100% true all the time, but maybe it is. That doesn't mean that it has to be so in real life. Things in porn are as fake as they are in Hollywood films, and I think the vast vast majority of both men and women realise that. Certainly I've never come across (boom boom) anyone who actually thought they had the God-given right to jizz on me.

Original poster
YuleingFanjo · 16/02/2012 20:29

is ejaculation onto a woman's face in the Kama-sutra? Or the Joy of sex?

just musing really.

OP posts:
yellowraincoat · 16/02/2012 20:29

If it's in either of those, would it be more acceptable?

Original poster
YuleingFanjo · 16/02/2012 20:31

Beachcomber, I have really found our posts quite interesting and helpful. Thank you.

OP posts:
MyNameIsNotSusan · 16/02/2012 20:31

Porn dominates the messages we get about sex. That is a huge problem, as porn is run for profit, for men, and exploits women. I get that.

But I happen to think that by being able to enjoy sex on my own terms means that I am subverting the ridiculous stereotypes and cliches of porn. I bloogy hate porn. It bores the arse off me, and the really hardcore, weird stuff makes me want to vom.

Original poster
YuleingFanjo · 16/02/2012 20:33

"If it's in either of those, would it be more acceptable?"

not to me personally no. Just musing about about how different media might have changed our perception of what is the norm over the years.

OP posts:
AyeRobot · 16/02/2012 20:34

Hello?

Wotaboutthemenz?

Malificence · 16/02/2012 20:34

Perhaps I am a bit sheltered Notsusan, my only sexual experience is with my husband of nearly 30 years and I'm obviously only relating my own experiences and opinions, but I do see a man deliberately ejaculating in a woman's face as an aggressive and dominating act, which is fine. if that's what you both enjoy. As I said upthread, I really enjoy spanking and rough sex and I don't like it one little bit when someone tells me it's wrong and a bit worrying, as happened on this very board by a couple of regular female posters, one of whom is no longer here throwing her radfem weight around.

Beachcomber · 16/02/2012 20:36

Gosh I must say I don't like it when these sorts of threads get into oversharing about one's personal private sexual practices, which are as irrelevant as they are derailing to a wider political discussion.

We need to be examining the power dynamic in male female relations, sexual or otherwise, not whether we can squirt and our DPs love lapping it up.

Sorry but I'm Hmming. (Because this is the feminist section of MN)

AyeRobot · 16/02/2012 20:36

That wasn't necessary.

yellowraincoat · 16/02/2012 20:37

I don't find it at all aggressive or dominating when my partner does that. Why would I? He's not aggressive to me in any other way, so why would this one act be an aggressive one?

yellowraincoat · 16/02/2012 20:38

God BeachComber, so so-rray that we're not political enough for you.

Way to silence a group.

topknob · 16/02/2012 20:38

op chill out it is a bit of spunk on the face not a full on porn film, or though she may like doing those too for her OH, what they do is actually nothing to do with you !

WidowWadman · 16/02/2012 20:41

All porn? What about porn made by women with a female audience in mind?

Beachcomber · 16/02/2012 20:42

Yellowraincoat, things in porn are real. They are not fake.

Those women really are being come on/drinking semen/being called whores/being doubly penetrated/putting penises in their mouths that have just been in their anuses/chocking/having their hair pulled/gagging/being humiliated for entertainment/having their distress filmed and exploited for entertainment.

And people jack off to this.

HTH.

yellowraincoat · 16/02/2012 20:43

I think I clearly didn't mean fake in that way. I mean that they are not the same as sex in real life. You know, in the same way that in Hollywood films everything is always fine and your feminist sisters don't bitch at you.

HTH.

Original poster
YuleingFanjo · 16/02/2012 20:44

"op chill out it is a bit of spunk on the face not a full on porn film, or though she may like doing those too for her OH, what they do is actually nothing to do with you !"

  1. she doesn't have an OH
  1. I am not talking about just 'a bit of spunk on the face' the question I am asking is wider than that.
OP posts:
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