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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

not sure what to title this but it's to do with ejaculation

490 replies

YuleingFanjo · 15/02/2012 10:59

and in particular a man ejaculating on a woman's face. Sorry - I feel awful writing it down.

I was talking to a friend last night, she is much nore sexually adventurous than I am and she was saying that she thought it was part of normal sexual behaviour, that most men found it a turn on and most people she knew thought it was normal.

I argued that it was something that came from porn, was not what I would call normal and there was no equivilant sexual 'thing' for a woman to do to a man. She said that women can 'gush' (I have never done this, maybe I am abnormal) or piss or poo (!) which I pointed out was a totally different thing. But is it?

I was trying to discuss it with her and point out that her sexual encounters are out of the norm, definitely aren't encounters within a loving relationship, and that ejaculating in someones's face is surely more about disrespect than anything else?

or am I wrong. I just find it really horrible and if anyone asked me to let them do so I would show them the door.

Soory - I hope I don't sound like some hairy trucker trying to get off on the whole thing, and I am not asking for personal experiences (I would prefer not to read them thanks) but more to discuss if I am right about the power/porn/disrespect thing...

OP posts:
Nyac · 23/02/2012 10:03

The flaw in the plan.

Beachcomber · 23/02/2012 12:16

I feel the same as victor - I'm NOT commenting on women's personal lives. I'm commenting on the symbolism.

yellowraincoat · 23/02/2012 17:35

Nyac, why do you say it is manipulation? I don't feel manipulated at all by my partner - yes, some women probably do, but to make a sweeping statement like that is pretty damning. He has never once made me feel that I HAVE to do anything in bed and I'd imagine most healthy relationships are the same.

Honestly, when you're giving a blow job, where is the natural place for the semen to go? Is there a more feminist place? On the breasts? In the mouth? On the body? Nowhere near the woman? Is there anywhere where, in a personal situation (rather than porn) it wouldn't be patriarchal?

When my partner said it made him feel accepted, it was part of a wider discussion. It certainly wasn't a case of him saying "oh when you let me do that, I feel accepted and when you don't, I feel awful." And I HAVE been in relationships where people tried to put pressure on me to do stuff, so I am not completely naive about it.

There is a huge stigma attached to bodily fluids and sex. When someone is not repulsed by yours that is massively validating.

Plenty of men are FINE with getting period blood on them. Whether on their face, on their penis, on the sheets - I've found the majority of men are not bothered.

Nyac · 23/02/2012 17:40

Does your partner say to you that he wants to jizz on your face because it makes him feel accepted through his semen, YRC? If not, what I said doesn't apply to your situation. If he does, did you really fall for that?

Nyac · 23/02/2012 17:42

Sorry didn't read properly. He does.

Seriously, since when was wanting to coat another person in your body fluids a way to acceptance. I know there's a stigma to menstrual blood, I've never felt in my relationships that I needed to smear my partner in my blood to ensure that he truly accepted me. I'd think that was a bit ridiculous and a bit degrading to him too.

How do you feel with cum dripping off your cheek as a matter of interest?

yellowraincoat · 23/02/2012 17:42

I don't know what you mean by "accepted through his semen."

Nyac · 23/02/2012 17:44

There's not a stigma to sex that's bullshit. Maybe back in the 1850s there was, but not now. Can't believe that claim is still made with a straight face.

I'd have thought a woman allowing sperm into her vagina where it might actually get her pregnant was the most fundamental way to show you accept a man. But hey, if he can see it dripping off your face, all the better for him.

yellowraincoat · 23/02/2012 17:44

It's not really about "truly accepting." I'm sure he'd feel equally accepted whichever way we did it. I think it's nice that he doesn't feel disgusted by my menstrual blood and that I don't feel disgusted by his semen. I don't find it degrading or ridiculous, it is what it is.

Where does semen go when you have sex with your partner (if you have/have had a male partner) and why is it not degrading?

Nyac · 23/02/2012 17:46

Just what I said. Men use the manipulative BS that a woman letting them ejaculate on their face shows they accept them. It's a piece of emotional manipulation - "if you loved me you'd let me come on your face". The semen on the face symbolise acceptance allegedly.

What I think it actually shows is that quite a lot of men like degrading women during sex.

yellowraincoat · 23/02/2012 17:46

But I don't want to be pregnant.

You're really getting a bit pissy about this. "all the better for him" "bullshit" "can't believe the claim is made with a straight face" - you really don't need to say those things. I can understand you're passionate about this and that's great. But you can have a debate and remain polite.

Nyac · 23/02/2012 17:47

Why do you have to have it on your face to show him you don't find it disgusting? Also how many times do you have to do it. I'd have thought once would be enough to demonstrate non-disgust, but apparently it has to be repeated.

yellowraincoat · 23/02/2012 17:47

You are really misrepresenting him. During the course of this thread, I asked him why he liked it. He said "I guess it's a feeling of acceptance and it's a bit taboo."

"If you loved me you'd let me come on your face" has never entered into it.

Nyac · 23/02/2012 17:48

Look I'm allowed to be contemptuous of men who do this to women. Sorry you don't like it, but that's just the way it is.

I didn't ask to talk about your private life. You brought it up here.

yellowraincoat · 23/02/2012 17:48

I don't have to show him anything. Or do it a set number of time. The closest feeling he could ascribe was "acceptance."

It doesn't have to be repeated. It is repeated because we both enjoy it.

yellowraincoat · 23/02/2012 17:49

You're allowed to be whatever you like. It just makes you look a little silly when you start to act impolitely.

Nyac · 23/02/2012 17:50

In case it's not clear YRC, I'm not talking about you. The line that men like ejaculating on women's faces because it shows that their female partners "accept" them is incredibly common. What they keep quieter about is that they saw it in porn and it makes them feel dominant to degrade their submissive partner.

Hugo Schwyzer (the guy who tried to murder his ex girlfriend) wrote a whole article about it. Men share these sort of manipulations with one another. Women aren't aware of it, but it's happening. That's why you see the same line coming up again and again.

Nyac · 23/02/2012 17:52

I don't really care how you think it makes me look. :)

I hear that's a freebie that Mumsnet have offered people so they can say what they like to people with no comeback. "It makes you look x,y,z", "it makes you look like an x,y,z".

yellowraincoat · 23/02/2012 17:56

Well, you were talking about me. You asked me how I felt with cum dripping down my face.

I think you see the same line coming up time and time again because people share common experiences. How else should it make him feel? Dominant or accepted or...there's not really a huge range of experiences. I said way back in the thread that he got it from porn. He has never denied that.

I'm sure it does make him feel dominant as well and I'm sure he wouldn't deny it. I don't have a problem with that. Sometimes I'm dominant over him, sometimes him over me, sometimes we're equal. I'm fine with that.

If you seriously think I'm going to believe that he got this line from another man ("ere, mate, tell her it makes you feel accepted, she'll well believe you"), then er, no.

yellowraincoat · 23/02/2012 17:57

It's just that a lot of people have been claiming that the radical feminists of mumsnet aren't rude or aggressive. Which you are being. Or at least were.

yellowraincoat · 23/02/2012 18:00

And I'd still like to know where the acceptable place for his semen to go is. Seems to me pretty much everywhere could be construed as degrading in some way.

Nyac · 23/02/2012 18:02

I've found you coming across as passive aggressive and also anti-feminsit in some of your posts. That's probably why you're feeling my responses are rude.

They aren't really, they're just blunt. If you bring your own private life into the picture to support your argument, then it's not unreasonable to question you on it. Although you haven't answered the question.

Nyac · 23/02/2012 18:03

Tissue, hand, body (his own) or a condom generally works.

Women aren't semen receptacles.

yellowraincoat · 23/02/2012 18:05

which question? and where was I being passive aggressive?

He comes onto/into all those things as well.

yellowraincoat · 23/02/2012 18:05

And where have I been anti-feminist? Genuinely interested.

Nyac · 23/02/2012 18:28

So why were you asking me where his semen could go if he ejaculates on to all those places already? I don't understand.