Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

not sure what to title this but it's to do with ejaculation

490 replies

YuleingFanjo · 15/02/2012 10:59

and in particular a man ejaculating on a woman's face. Sorry - I feel awful writing it down.

I was talking to a friend last night, she is much nore sexually adventurous than I am and she was saying that she thought it was part of normal sexual behaviour, that most men found it a turn on and most people she knew thought it was normal.

I argued that it was something that came from porn, was not what I would call normal and there was no equivilant sexual 'thing' for a woman to do to a man. She said that women can 'gush' (I have never done this, maybe I am abnormal) or piss or poo (!) which I pointed out was a totally different thing. But is it?

I was trying to discuss it with her and point out that her sexual encounters are out of the norm, definitely aren't encounters within a loving relationship, and that ejaculating in someones's face is surely more about disrespect than anything else?

or am I wrong. I just find it really horrible and if anyone asked me to let them do so I would show them the door.

Soory - I hope I don't sound like some hairy trucker trying to get off on the whole thing, and I am not asking for personal experiences (I would prefer not to read them thanks) but more to discuss if I am right about the power/porn/disrespect thing...

OP posts:
69postssofar · 16/02/2012 17:07

Fanjo, I think generally 'sitting on his face' is meant to be oral sex for you, not just finding a strange parking place for your behind!

SinicalSanta · 16/02/2012 17:07

an abstract conversation about trends and what underlies them really isn't about individuals, nobody should feel judged/silenced/defensive/whatever

Original poster
YuleingFanjo · 16/02/2012 17:07

"Would you guys see it as equally degrading if a woman ejaculated on a man's face?" if it was something the man was coerced into doing then yes it would be degrading.

OP posts:
yellowraincoat · 16/02/2012 17:10

I'm not talking about coercion. I'm talking about consensual ejaculation on faces, which is what this thread is about.

WidowWadman · 16/02/2012 17:10

Yueling

"sorry - my phrasing/question must be off. I am indeed aslo asking why do women find it a turn on and what might have led them to discover that/believe that and so on."

Ok then - the way you asked originally to me read that it can only be men who like it. Which in turn seems judgy.

Original poster
YuleingFanjo · 16/02/2012 17:11

"she can fuck as many people as she likes, im not sure there is any judgement needed for this point"

yes. I am not sure that I have said anywhere in this thread that she can't... have I?

"you dont need to be in love to fuck" really Shock? - I do know that.

I agree with the rest of what you have said. There is much more I know about her which I could post but I am trying to show that I don't want to make judgements about why she is the way she is, it's not for this thread. I wanted to ask about the 'norms' thing really.

I think her judgement is off for many reasons but don't think it is fair to discuss that here.

I will continue to be a friend to her, I love her dearly.

OP posts:
Laquitar · 16/02/2012 17:12

I'm sure people tried everything before porn and before they even had electricity.

Romans? Ancient Greeks? Othomans?

yellowraincoat · 16/02/2012 17:12

I don't think anyone here is arguing that you should do things that don't turn you on just cos they turn your partner on.

It turns me on when my partner comes on my face. That's why I do it.

Original poster
YuleingFanjo · 16/02/2012 17:13

"I'm talking about consensual ejaculation on faces, which is what this thread is about"

no - it's not what this thread is about Smile

that's what you want it to be about, but maybe something has been lost in the wording of my post?

OP posts:
WidowWadman · 16/02/2012 17:13

"I don't always believe that anyone should be doing things that don't turn them on just because they will turn their partner on... do you see what I mean"

Of course - if it doesn't turn you on, don't do it! But if it turns you on, for whatever mechanism, go for it.

And the mechanism that one gets turned on by feeling that one is a turn on for somebody else, is totally normal in my book.

69postssofar · 16/02/2012 17:14

Anything coerced is degrading (that's not to say that anything consensual isn't), but really - there's a world of difference between degradation e.g. someone shitting on you for sexual pleasure and someone shooting in your face a substance which I'm sure the vast majority of women would swallow without too much of an issue, or am I alone there too?!

yellowraincoat · 16/02/2012 17:15

You do sound really judgemental though, Fanjo. Even if people have what some on this thread seem to want to see as "abnormal" sex for dodgy-seeming reasons, it is still their choice, unless they've been coerced.

I really think the only way that we can solve this is to make both men and women more confident in their sexual choices: that everyone knows that they don't have to do anything they don't want and that they shouldn't try to coerce anyone.

sonicrainboom · 16/02/2012 17:15

OP,
here is an interesting article about how porn can shape men's (and women's of course!) sexuality. Very well worth the read.

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201201/wiring-sexual-tastes-hairless-genitalsoops

SinicalSanta · 16/02/2012 17:16

Seeing the other person turned on is a turn on for me (paraphrase)
I think that's an interesting dynamic, not necessarily gendered.
How does that work, I wonder?

yellowraincoat · 16/02/2012 17:16

Sorry, I'm totally confused. What is this thread about then? At what point did you say it was about coercion?

WidowWadman · 16/02/2012 17:17

Good blog on what is normal

yellowraincoat · 16/02/2012 17:18

SinicalSanta, I would say that the vast majority of people are turned on by seeing their partner turned on.

SensitivityChip · 16/02/2012 17:19

DH and I have done this occasionally. There isn't much he could do during sex to degrade me tbh because there is no underlying power struggle / problem in our relationship. I've also done similar to him.

It definitely comes from porn/people discussing porn, we are both late twenties and I know DH used to watch a lot before I started reading about the subject and we had a few conversations which disturbed him. He honestly believed the happy hooker myths the lads mags peddled but has opened his eyes a little now. Things like this seem to be more acceptable to people of our age because we have been much more exposed to it.

I just asked him if it was a degradation thing and he said it is exciting for him for the same reasons as coming in mouths etc it demonstrates that I don't think his semen is so disgusting that I don't want it touching me. He has however seen it done under duress (hopefully acted) in a porn film and he said that was very degrading and put him off which would make sense as he hasn't seemed to want to do it for a long time now.

It has never struck me as degrading when he does it, if I was being paid to "let" a stranger do it to me then I expect I would feel differently.

Original poster
YuleingFanjo · 16/02/2012 17:19

here is the crux of my OP

"she was saying that she thought it was part of normal sexual behaviour, that most men found it a turn on and most people she knew thought it was normal."

she said this... we were talking about what most men found to be a turn on and that most people she knew thought it was normal.
When we talked more she said most men she knew thought it was normal, most men she had sex with.

" argued that it was something that came from porn, was not what I would call normal and there was no equivilant sexual 'thing' for a woman to do to a man. She said that women can 'gush' (I have never done this, maybe I am abnormal) or piss or poo (!) which I pointed out was a totally different thing. But is it?"

So - I said it wasn't, in my general experience and the experience of other people I know, what I would call 'normal'. She then compared it to peeing and pooing. I think peeing and pooing is a niche sexual thing. Peeing and pooing as part of a sexual experience I mean. So my feeling was that peeing and pooing during sex may be comparable to ejaculation on the face in some ways but is still isn't usual sexual behaviour for the vast majority of people.

"I was trying to discuss it with her and point out that her sexual encounters are out of the norm, definitely aren't encounters within a loving relationship, and that ejaculating in someones's face is surely more about disrespect than anything else?"

this bit ^^ is quite important because I think the context of her experience is important to her perception of what is 'normal'

I realise now that I have used the word 'normal' too much and it might have been taken to mean that I think people are abnotmal if they find it a turn on. Maybe I mean 'usual' and 'unusual'?

OP posts:
SinicalSanta · 16/02/2012 17:19

I would imagine so.
I am certainly, as is DH.
Was just curious s to the psychology of that.
It's the polar opposite of porn-type scenarios, imo. Much naicer

SinicalSanta · 16/02/2012 17:21

My last post was to Yellow

will be back later I find this discussion very interesting

69postssofar · 16/02/2012 17:21

The thread was originally about whether or not someone ejaculating in your friend's face was disrespectful. A handful of us have said we don't think it is and that is not because we are slappers or porn stars it is because we all have different ideas about sex.

I personally don't like DH going down on me, that doesn't make it wrong for others to enjoy it and I'll happily do it for him. I don't like having sex in the daytime (it makes me giggle at the absurdity of it all when I can see it in the daylight!) but when I convince myself to do it I actually enjoy it.

I am not some swinging nympho, just a normal wife/woman/mum (with enough kids already) who doesn't see a problem with the geography of where the sperm ends up, as long as its not in my fanjo!

I don't understand what the fuss is about. Maybe if I had watched porn I would associate it with something unsavoury, but its always just been something we do.

Original poster
YuleingFanjo · 16/02/2012 17:21

"You do sound really judgemental though, Fanjo"

ah - xpost. I realise now that people may have seen me use the word 'normal' and it triggered something which made them think I was calling them ab-normal which in turn may have made you think I am being judgemental.
Still not entirely clear about where I have been really judgemental about my friend.

OP posts:
SquishyCinnamonSwirls · 16/02/2012 17:23

I think an important question hasn't been answered, if a woman was ejaculating (which yes, can happen!) onto a man's face would you still see the same issue?

WidowWadman · 16/02/2012 17:23

sinicalsanta - how does that work? You make it sound like it was totally unusual.

I'm not a psychologist, but I assume seeing how someone is turned on by you gives you a feeling of power over them