Rape within marriage

[tabouleh]

Yes unashamedly a thread about a thread.

It is like entering the bloody twilight zone over there.

Jeez there are MNers basically caring more about OP's husbands right to sex rather than believing OP and helping her.

Totally understand if this gets deleted for being a thread about a thread - but if it gets more of the feminist viewpoints onto that thread then great.

ElephantsandMiasmas, of all the posters on the other thread, you confused me the most.
It seemed to me on one hand you agreed that OP's dh was guilty but on the other you were encouraging her to stay by using no touch days or something like that.
If this was NOT you, I apologise.

I mean, I don't get it. If it IS rape (and I must point out that I am very much sitting on fence regards this one) How can she stay with someone who deliberately hurts her?

I was arguing with other people who were claiming she was lying/that it wasn't rape if you were married/that non verbal signals should override verbal signals etc, by stating that it was rape and always is rape if someone penetrates you against your will. It's important to point these things out because it seems to be less obvious than I thought . Plus there are lurkers watching as well as the OP, who might be in a situation of their own and thinking "I may feel I have been raped, but look, MummyX says that I am being selfish and it's not his fault".

And I was also dealing with what the OP said she wanted which was advice on how to resolve her sexual problems aside from the rape this morning. It's not my job to tell someone how to behave after they've been raped, that's up to them.

TheButterflyEffect Thu 26-Aug-10 18:31:12

"If I slapped my DH it would be assault (or something - battery?) but I don't know if he would leave me right off the bat."

But if he slapped you?.....I imagine the majority of posters on MN would be telling you to leave a man that hit you.

Anchor, glad you are okay.

I didn't post on your other thread as by the time I had got to it it had already spiralled out of control.

I don't know if you saw my post on here earlier, but I am in a very similar situation as you in that I have very little libido, I would never initiate sex and can happily live without it.

You are very welcome to contact me if you want a sympathetic ear.

Take care of yourself.

You know what really angered me about that thread is how many of the posters on their I am familiar with, and I thought they were all sensible, reasonable people. But I guess on this subject they are wrong.

I think MN is rapidly losing its appeal for me. Too many threads with arseholes taking over!

I didn't see your thread anchor but get the gist from this one, you sound like a strong woman and you will make the right choices. Sorry you had to go through that and not get proper support from on here x

TheButterflyEffect, Please, please correct me if wrong, but I've interpreted it that you're still in a relationship with a man who had sex with you against your will?
Again, I could have misinterpreted your post, so genuine apologies if I have.

You're very nosy aren't you marantha. Investigating the motives of Anchor, me and now TBE.

"You see I am hesitant to call anyone a rapist and sort of see that it's a grey area sometimes. Especially in the circumstances described by yourself. It's hard to judge IYSWIM."

But that's the problem you see. Rape happens. It happens A LOT.

But so many people seem reluctant to call it what it is. To accept that it happens so often. It's like the act has become divorced from the word.

There aren't any grey areas. If a woman doesn't want sex, and a man penetrates her, IT IS RAPE.

Actually, no, StewieGrffinsMom, it's not clear to me- that's why I'm asking, and at the risk of sounding rude, the question was directed to her and not yourself.

WHERE is it on the site? (sorry caps)

I read a few of the first posts on the original thread and was amazed that those sorts of responses would appear on MN. Rape is rape. Glad to see that common sense has (for the most part) prevailed.