Rape within marriage

[tabouleh]

Yes unashamedly a thread about a thread.

It is like entering the bloody twilight zone over there.

Jeez there are MNers basically caring more about OP's husbands right to sex rather than believing OP and helping her.

Totally understand if this gets deleted for being a thread about a thread - but if it gets more of the feminist viewpoints onto that thread then great.

I'm not on FB

Agree MN seems very reactionary at the moment. What's going on?

that thread was bonkers

was v surprised to see posters i think of as sensible hemming and hawing and looking for any reason however implausible why it simply couldn't be rape

Yes re. lurkers. I haven't contributed to a thread in the feminism topic before (I don't think) because I don't feel very well informed conpared to you knowledgable, articulate people. But I lurk a lot. And am learning a lot.

Moist - your experiences here are v.relevant for this thread - thanks.

FB group an interesting idea - I know they do this in other sections. Not sure about revealing RL identity etc - plus it makes it very cliquey!?

I know for example that in the One Child Topic I feel that there are no good threads because they are all chatting on a tea room thread and FB.

Hey, I was the OP of the post being discussed.

Thankyou for this. I was truly shocked by the responses. Luckily I thought they were bollocks but was horrible to have to keep justifying and explaining.

Apparently because I said "it doesn't appeal" and not "no" it doesn't count or something.

However my anger at the thread was a welcome distraction from my marital problems [sarcasm]

Glad you're here anchor.

You're supposed to shout no apparently otherwise it's confusing. I didn't shout no when someone I was dating raped me when I was asleep and quite a few people told me I hadn't been raped. Including my sister.

I think the myth of the stranger down a dark alley persists. If you don't have a black eye or serious bruising then it doesn't count to a lot of women.

TBE - I think that off board communications should arise organically - so by that I mean that if you want you can CAT someone - pay the £5 to MN to allow this. Then you are in email touch...

Anchor - I am so glad I started the thread and that you have found our support here.

Are you interested in me re-posting the links I posted on that thread?

The language was interesting. I remember doing discourse analysis for my Psych degree and it made me think very strongly of some of the things I read then. I felt I had to keep re-iterating what had actually happened (sorry anchor - it was probably horrible and perhaps I shouldn't have been so vehement about it), because it kept becoming "asking for sex", "nudging", "trying to initiate sex" or "making a pass". And being compared with being pinched on the bum.

Not to mention the "political correctness" thing. FFS!

tabouleh, I actually saved the thread (including the links), before it was deleted - otherwise I wouldn't have believed it really happened, you know? So I have the links, and thankyou for them.

I wasn't angry at not getting support; I tried to be quite uncompromising in my OP about the whole situation. What made me angry was being told I must have assisted him physically in some way and being told my story was full of holes because I used "I said no", as shorthand for "I said "it doesn't really appeal"". I was under the impression that any negative response was a no!

Jeeeesus. I felt sorry for most of the respondents more than anything.

But thankyou for this post and the comments because it was like being through the looking glass for a while there.

A big problem when someone has a serious problem and people try to argue semantics.

Hey anchor, well done. You sound quite strong. I'm sorry you had to put up with that completely bizarre treatment from other MNs.