Rape within marriage

[tabouleh]

Yes unashamedly a thread about a thread.

It is like entering the bloody twilight zone over there.

Jeez there are MNers basically caring more about OP's husbands right to sex rather than believing OP and helping her.

Totally understand if this gets deleted for being a thread about a thread - but if it gets more of the feminist viewpoints onto that thread then great.

Horrible attitudes and the poor OP. She must be so confused now.

I was recently the foreman on a jury trying a rape case - the counts covered a 12 year history, through two relationships, of domestic violence and vaginal, anal and oral rape.

We eventually managed to convict only on 10 of the 17 counts (they were sample counts. It was happening every day so to have tried every incident would have been impossible). One of the guys methods was to rape his partners in their sleep, having pumped them full of medication or booze first. The attitudes of many of the jury members were horrific. eg.

"Well if she wanted sex sometimes, he can't have reasonably thought he was raping her" (this was after threats to the women of a beating or harm to their family)

"You can't trust her because she's an alcoholic"

"I can't believe she wouldn't give as good as was getting"

"If he'd been doing all that to her, especially in front of the kids, she'd have left - therefore it can't be true"

And most of that was from the younger women on the jury, sadly.

Why would the thread be deleted? Can the OP ask for it to be? I didn't think they did that.

Themoistworld I thimk I may have read a story on that case - did a victim commit suicide? and did a rape take place in front of a victimd ds?

either way thank fuck you convicted him.

Oh and of course (still regarding the jury), the biggie: "It's perfectly fine for a woman to lie back and have sex if her partner wants it and she doesn't, if she's doing it so he's going to be calm and nice to her and the children instead of beating them up".

Neanderthal

If she feels like she has been raped, she has been raped. In that situation I, personally don't think I would feel violated (I have been in that situation in the past but who knows about the future?)

I was thinking about this earlier...if she feels like she has been raped she should act on it...but if she did can you imagine other peoples responses? I suddenly felt like I was living in the '50's.

No, both women were well enough to testify. But some of the rapes did take place when the children were in the next room. Their poor families were utterly broken, and i can't imagine how they will ever, ever put this behind them. It was so sad.

Being the foreman - chairing the jury discussion and delivering the verdict - was a totally gruelling experience, I don't think I'm completely over it either.

Small recap for others who didn't see the original thread:

Title was "I have no libido, H had sex with me without my consent"

Early responses were:

"Sex is a vital part of marriage."

"I would be hesitant to call this 'marital rape'."

"Perhaps he honestly thought
that, as you weren't stopping him, you were getting into it?"

The thread could have been studied and used for a Rape Myths 101.

I can imagine it must have been dreadful themoist.

My Dad did Jury service in July on a rape case and they had to clear the guy as there wasn't enough evidence. My Dad was sure he weas guilty as hell. Was a stranger rape too that his defence construed as a chance encounter turned consensual sex.

The judge was excellent, and his directions were compassionate and clear about the nature of rape within a relationship. But the views of some of those people were so ignorant and entrenched, it was going to be an uphill struggle to get anywhere. But I'm really proud that we did manage to change some minds and get "enough" convictions in the end.

Concious that I'm hijacking this a bit, but my point was really just that this stuff is out there and rife, and we have such a long way to go.

I'm still shocked that a poster on that thread said it may not have been rape if "the victim unconsciously gave a cue to her husband which she was unaware of"

I'm not sure facebook is a "safe place" TBE! What for though?

I will. I hated that thread but I often think I'm not in a position to comment about what's okay/not okay within the content of a marriage because I have never been married. I'm very glad to see this thread