10.4 how is it possible to gain half a stone in three days I hear you ask?
Well, step one go out on Friday night, having fasted all day to mitigate damage have 5 cocktails two glasses of wine and a three course meal, and an extra mince pie. Go home slightly woozy at midnight, have two large slices of bread and butter and a cup of tea. Go to bed.
The second stage; wake up on Saturday morning with a bit of a sore head. Have one slice of toast with almond butter and a coffee, remind self to be good during the day as you are hosting a party that evening. Go about your day, doing party prep, this unfortunately involves a lot of "tasting". Think, never mind will dial it back this evening and not eat much later. Kick off the party with mulled wine, then some cocktails, jelly shots prosecco, the numbers don't really matter now just drink as much as you physically can whilst simultaneously eating a large proportion of the buffet. Do loud and terrible karaoke until 4am.
Sunday, the final stage. Wake up at 8am drink a pint of pepsi max, congratulate your self on not throwing up the night before. Remember you cleverly made two of Nigellas "Cheese and Onion Stratas" as part of the party prep on Saturday.
Put them in the oven while eating left over pringles. Remember you also bought breakfast pastries. Put them out for overnight guests to help themselves, make a large pot of tea and eat quality street. Answer the door to neighbour/guest from last night who has arrived with doughnuts and coffee. Pronounce love for them.
Eat breakfast, the only food group that should be represented well is refined carbs.
Send guests away at lunch time. Have a nap on the sofa. wake up at 2 pm and watch "A christmas prince" on netflix while laying horizontally and eating leftovers from the buffet that you cleverly put away the night before.
It is mainly cold cheese pizza and puff pastry straws. Run out of pizza and move on to After 8's keep going until you feel a bit sick (probably about 6ish). Have a shower and put on clean PJ's, tell yourself to draw a line and the diet re-commences immediately. Have a herbal tea and go to bed early feeling slightly better.
Monday - wake up, weigh self, HORROR. Remind self of amazing weekend and ponder if it was all worth it....
Reader, it was.