I’m going to upset people with this.. tell me your thoughts.

[Jingle23]

I just need to get this off my chest and see if others feel the same.
I work full-time and do everything I can to provide for my children. We don’t have much spare money, I bring home just over 2k and partner just over 3k a month. We have a mortgage but we often feel like were going without so they don’t miss out.
What’s been bothering me is seeing how different things can look for other families, even when they’re not working. I know someone personally who doesn’t work and isn’t relying on family for financial help, yet still seems able to manage a car on finance, holidays abroad - taking 3 children to Spain in the 6 weeks holidays, and everyday costs that I struggle with.
I’m not judging them at all, and I know every situation is different. I just feel really frustrated that I work full-time, pay my way, and still don’t feel like I’m any better off.
It’s made me question whether working hard always actually translates into a better standard of living anymore.
Does anyone else feel like this, or am I just having a wobble?

I love how everyone conveniently forgets that they have nice houses that they own and private pensions…going to trade those in the future for a bit of extra cash now 🤷‍♀️

Meant to add: Your mortgaged property belongs to the bank, not you.

Everybody's situation is different.
Depends on mortgage costs, how many cars, how many kids, childcare or uni costs.
Very few families have the exact same expenses

Who are you talking to?

I have a range of friends who all have different financial situations. There’s my divorced friend who lives on her OAP and struggles to have a meal out. There’s my rich friend who has several holidays a year, two cars and lives in a five bedroom house despite all the children having left home, there’s my designer-clad friend who has all of this plus weekly blow dries and treatments, goes out to fancy events most evenings and lives in a beautiful house, then there’s my TA friend who lives with her entire family on her wage and can’t afford any holidays.

My friends’ situations don’t affect my happiness because I don’t compare my life to theirs. I know their circumstances and the ones with less money are not necessarily happier. And even if they were happier it doesn’t matter because I like them and are pleased with their good luck.

It’s not about being pious it’s about understanding that comparing my life negatively to other people’s is only going to make ME unhappy and will eat away at my friendships. So I don’t.

Don’t compare yourself to others, it never ends well. Try and be grateful for what you do have and count your blessings. Someone out there is probably looking at your life with envy.

I think you missed the point about my ds1 being autistic. Couldn't possibly leave him with a baby-sitter or even family so I don't know if I'm in a better position tbh.

I was a lone parent, living in London with a take home pay of just a little over £5k each month. On that wage I saved up a deposit and bought a home, ran a car, took my son on holidays.

It isn’t your ‘friends’ fault that you as a couple are choosing to mismanage your finances.

The person the OP is referring to has children and I think rents too. I don't think the OP has mentioned any possibility of there being disability or childcare elements on the person's UC claim. All of this gets taken into consideration when assessing for finance. However, it is still less likely that the person would be able to get a mortgage but car finance wouldn't be that unusual.

No family is getting 5k a month in benefits. Maybe your friend just has better budgeting skills if they seem to have more than you.

but as you say… you have your hair and nails done religiously every 8 weeks.

So you could take your impoverished children out but you choose to instead get your nails done 🤷‍♀️ @Jingle23

You can't afford to take your kids to the farm but have your hair done every 8 weeks and get your nails done. I've never heard anyone admit their vanity comes before their children. I thought it was just some nasty myth when people moaned about people spending all their money on beauty treatments instead of their DC.

It is owned even with a mortgage. I don't understand what point you're trying to make.

What do you mean by the only way to own a home "now". Has something changed?

As they say, comparison is the thief of joy. I was also brought up to remember that there will always be those better off than me and there will always be those worse off than me.

As others have said, you have a mortgage, this means that one day you will own your home, you won't be paying rent and you're not at the whim of a landlord. You should also be paying into a pension, so when you eventually retire, you will be better off than someone with no private pension too.

By working, you're also more likely to increase your wages at some point. Both you and your partner can work towards promotions and pay rises. These are all things that are long term plans and one day should see you in a pretty good position.

If you really want to genuinely improve your circumstances, start a new thread, post your budget and ask for ideas to reduce costs. Even if you can find $50 month, start investing, this is also something that will pay off long term.

If you post your budget and ask for ideas, you will get advice you would never use, but you might also get one or two tips that are easy to implement and would suit your circumstances.

My tip would be, go back to doing your own nails. They can still look good, but be a whole lot cheaper. For me, it would take one hell of a lot for me to give up my every 7 week hair appointment. See, we are all different.

Apparently the op can’t even afford to get her kids an ice cream let alone a trip to the farm.

Still, at least her nails are professionally manicured

A lot of people have cars through their work. So the car could be through that. No way would him be driving around in a brand new plate car otherwise

The whole thread is a bit silly

Sorry?

"Sorry darlings can't take you to the farm or get an ice cream but look how pretty mummys new nails and fresh hair look"

🤔 Huh?

Maybe it's too early for me ...

Not to mention job progression which should up your income eventually. If this friendship is real though I think you are definitely not being told something.

I know how mortgages work. And SH tenancies. At end of the mortgage, you own the house. And all of that equity is yours. You can downsize and free up the cash, you can leave it to your children, or to anyone you want really. You can’t do that with a SH tenancy.

What on earth are you doing with £5k a month that you feel you’re struggling? Do you have a drug or gambling habit to finance? Kids in private school? Luxury cars changed every few years? Expensive hobbies? Kids in expensive clubs?

I think hair and nails are very expensive. I get my hair cut once a year and do my nails myself at home , also trim my hair if needed myself sometimes. £50 a year cost. I don’t know how much per year nails and hair is for you but even cutting back might help ?