I’m going to upset people with this.. tell me your thoughts.

[Jingle23]

I just need to get this off my chest and see if others feel the same.
I work full-time and do everything I can to provide for my children. We don’t have much spare money, I bring home just over 2k and partner just over 3k a month. We have a mortgage but we often feel like were going without so they don’t miss out.
What’s been bothering me is seeing how different things can look for other families, even when they’re not working. I know someone personally who doesn’t work and isn’t relying on family for financial help, yet still seems able to manage a car on finance, holidays abroad - taking 3 children to Spain in the 6 weeks holidays, and everyday costs that I struggle with.
I’m not judging them at all, and I know every situation is different. I just feel really frustrated that I work full-time, pay my way, and still don’t feel like I’m any better off.
It’s made me question whether working hard always actually translates into a better standard of living anymore.
Does anyone else feel like this, or am I just having a wobble?

Is that all you get? Just Carer's Allowance and nothing else?

People on benefits can work. It is not all on the sly. They will get deducted 55p per £1 earned, or have a work allowance if they have kids or are disabled... where nothing is deducted if they earn a certain amount.

If you were entitled to full UC you'd get a lot more as well via passporting / exemptions though...

What total absolute bollocks

Anyone can claim uc but she would be made to look for work. I think there is a gap before payment if she chooses to leave her job

Could be a PIP car for them or a child with a 'hidden' disability?

Here we go.

It’s made me question whether working hard always actually translates into a better standard of living anymore.

How hard you work has never equated to a better standard of living. People can work their absolute arses off day in day out in lower paid jobs or as carers and have very little money. Whereas other desk jobs in higher paying industries can command a much better wage for doing very little.

The real kicker here is that CA is deducted from UC.

Could be anything thats the point. We can all make up shit and post it online anonymously

Take them to a free park that has cows, horses or deer.

Get a multipack of Magnums for £2.

You are worrying about things that kids aren’t bothered about.

Haven't read all the comments but I'm pretty sure you'll have been shot down in flames.....but I hear you & I get it. Some people get to have a lot but most of us don't.

i worked part time when my kids were little and we brought in 5k a month then. There were people who lived on benefits at our school that I used to chat with and I was mostly just impressed by their capacity to make money go further - going to several different supermarkets to get the items that were cheapest, saving up for holidays across two years… all this stuff that I never thought about because, although we weren’t wealthy, I didn’t need to think about every penny spent either. It was quite clear that I had a better standard of living.

Sometimes now, when I’m in a full time well paid job, and so is my Dh, I feel resentful that life costs so much, that I feel that we should be able to afford more. But I am definitely not looking to people living on benefits as the reason for this.

If someone is earning less than you, but you feel like they are able to buy things you can't afford, it's extremely likely that they are also going without lots of things that you buy. Over the years I've come to realise people's perceptions of other people's spending is often way out of whack... Also, people often spend absolutely loads on regular expenses completely unnecessarily, without even realising. For example, perhaps your friends are on really cheap deals for their internet, phone contracts, car insurance etc. Perhaps they buy all their electronics second hand. Perhaps they are aghast at how much you spend on decorating your house when it looked fine as it was / brand new furniture when you can get lovely stuff second hand / hairdressers when you can buy dye in a bottle / gym membership when jogging is free / buying new uniform for your younger kids every year when hand-me-downs are absolutely fine / buying all the electronics for your kids for Christmas and birthdays when you could easily just say no / takeaways every week rather than home cooking / buying lunch at work rather than bringing in leftovers / getting your nails done when you can buy nail polish from Asda.

... All those little things can add up to thousands over the course of a year, which can easily account for being able to afford ONE holiday and one financed car.

Personally, we earn £40k gross total as a household of 4, and I feel pretty comfortable and we go on holiday abroad a couple of times a year because that's what we prioritise, but we scrimp on tons of other things that others deem "essential"... personally I can't even imagine feeling hard done by earning what you earn!!

Well said. People with less watch the pennies more.
I posted on another thread about friend on benefits who is amazing at finding deals and using freecycle for everything and anything. She got a massive TV on there for free. Her living costs are super low.
The money she has saved... she uses to see her favourite bands (big name so expensive and involved hotel costs). Was told she clearly gets too much money (she gets the £800 from LCWRA and that is all), and that if she can go to gigs a few times a year, she can work 🙄

TBF I know a lady who used to take 4 girls to Spain every summer by coach and stay in a caravan. She said transport was the most expensive part of the holiday so they may as well get their money’s worth! She thought Spain was cheaper than UK and the girl’s loved it!

But she’s living in a council property. I’d rather have my own house and no air con than live in council housing with it.

You need to go through everything that leaves your bank account and start there...

I cut Netflix down to under £10, I did the same with Disney+, amazon music, Amazon prime, and a few others. It all adds up! Think about where you do your food shopping. Plan meals for each day and just buy the ingredients you need. Search around for the cheapest utilities. Living frugally doesn't mean you are cheap, just that you are being sensible.

My father in law pays £120 each month for sky tv. We just use free view. But we don't watch much TV anyway, if we do, it's normally Netflix.

Exactly what I thought.

Let me be clear.
Universal credit is £434 per couple per month plus rent paid up to maybe £1.1k. That includes paying your other bills out of it.
My friend got evicted 3 times due to her DD moving out and them decreasing the rent allowance paid.
5k is a LOT of money. Nails and hair aren't essential things. Neither are Spanish holidays .
You might not like what I had to say but it is true . Budget like the star that u r and stop worrying about what others have/don't. You'll be a lot better off.

A social housing property (NOT council- no such thing anymore and horribly snobby) is much more secure than an "owned" house with a mortgage- if you lose your job, have a drop in income or get ill, you're fucked and may have your home repossessed, which has much worse financial implications than simply being evicted (which in SH takes a while and they have to have a very good reason). Plus SH is much cheaper than a mortgage or private rent, plus no one "owns" it.

@Gettingbysomehow you very simply got lucky, or are from a different time: Most women i know who have "busted their gut" working around the clock have nothing to show for it, especially now. "Hard work" is seriously overrated and a mugs game. Success is plain and simple luck.

That’s a weird spin on things. I also said I would rather have my own home than a council property, air con or no air con. I own my home outright. It’s hardly snobby to say you’d rather own a home than live in social housing.

As a few others have said it might be time to sit down and very honestly track your outgoings over the last month or so. It’s amazing how
often these ‘one off’ unseen expenses creep up
and throw your savings off track. Have you done any work into your financial literacy?
The Barefoot Investor is a great place to start, as is the She’s On The Money podcast. There are lots of simple strategies you can put in place to get a handle on your situation but they all start with taking an honest look at where you are.

if you’re really committed, a good financial planner will pay back dividends in the course of your life. Good luck. I hope you can be one of these people who will choose to do something about it rather than just complain about it x

Well yes no, my council doesn't give 100% reduction on council tax so yes I'd possibly save £100 a month. I'm actually in really good health and haven't had a prescription in years. I also wouldn't save massively with dental and optical. It definitely would not come to the approx £800 a month i would lose if I wasn't working. Not sure there's anything else I would get help with. Contrary to popular opinion us single mothers aren't given everything on a plate.

Oh, and a property with a mortgage is not "owned" (see my PP). The only way to outright own a home now is to either buy in cash or inherit.

@BravasPatatas But a SH tenancy is lifelong, plus if you are ready to buy you can get it much cheaper.