I’m going to upset people with this.. tell me your thoughts.

[Jingle23]

I just need to get this off my chest and see if others feel the same.
I work full-time and do everything I can to provide for my children. We don’t have much spare money, I bring home just over 2k and partner just over 3k a month. We have a mortgage but we often feel like were going without so they don’t miss out.
What’s been bothering me is seeing how different things can look for other families, even when they’re not working. I know someone personally who doesn’t work and isn’t relying on family for financial help, yet still seems able to manage a car on finance, holidays abroad - taking 3 children to Spain in the 6 weeks holidays, and everyday costs that I struggle with.
I’m not judging them at all, and I know every situation is different. I just feel really frustrated that I work full-time, pay my way, and still don’t feel like I’m any better off.
It’s made me question whether working hard always actually translates into a better standard of living anymore.
Does anyone else feel like this, or am I just having a wobble?

If they've received a large inheritance then their means tested benefits will cease.

Sorry but they are luxuries. So are expensive hobbies like golf. It is possible to not "look like a scruff" without having hair done every 8 weeks and without professionally done nails.

The OP is perfectly entitled to have hair and nails done and I'm sure she could cut back elsewhere but it's a bit rich to moan that you can never afford to take your kids for an ice-cream when you are spending hundreds and hundreds of pounds a year on hair and nails appointments. There are people in my family like this who are constantly moaning about how skint they are but have their nails and hair (and lashes, and waxing, etc etc!) done every few weeks at £40+ a time!

It isn't possible to afford all that on benefits so the money will be coming from somewhere else. Maybe they're money laundering or drug dealing or they're in huge amounts of debt.

Of course some people can afford it on benefits.

It’s not uncommon round here for a family to be on UC, one or two lots of DLA, one or two lots of PIP, carer’s allowance as well. That can easily reach £40,000 a year if not more.

And if they’re getting one or two lots of DLA plus carers allowance then they’re also caring for one or two people in the family with disabilities, with all the associated costs. And carers allowance is deducted from UC as it’s seen as income.

There isn’t always costs. A lot now is ADHD and similar. I don’t really believe that it all goes on disability related stuff. There was a thread on here about it, very few posters actually specified what they use it for.

Which thread was that?

To be fair, there are no rules as to what you can spend PIP/DLA on and when claiming either, you aren't asked about costs relating to disability.

My son's DLA just goes into the bank account.

OP, you are getting stick on this thread, but I am not going to join in.

What I would say to you is, as an ex SAHM, now working FT, I would NEVER give up my independence again and not be self sufficient. So, my answer is NO do not jack it all in and go on benefits. Also, owning property now is a good thing. Try and pay it off as quickly as possible to free up your other cash and take the stress off you both.

The thing is, the UK is broke and Labour has to do something about the welfare bill and the amount of people getting it. If they don't then we will get a right wing government who will go even further. So, sit tight as I predict things will get better for working people.

I resent paying for everyone else too. You need to have a good old long look at your finances and see where you can claw some things back. For example, are you maxing out what you can pay into your work pension. Can you adjust it so you pay more into it, then less tax. Are you claiming everything you are entitled to from the state? I pay zero tax because I have cajoled my gross pay and the amount of money I pay into my work pension so I only pay NI.

Can you allocate a budget for you and your DH to spend on whatever you want every month? Are you getting rid of all your excess on Vinted or eBay?

If I was in your shoes I would be watching every penny and making sure I am only paying in tax what I absolutely have to, by tweeking both co. pensions and maxing out our work benefits.

As for your DC. You don't need to spend loads on them. What are you buying?

I’m saying that the people who are talking about how great it must be to get money on benefits while they work and have no spare cash always seem to forget they are playing the long game.

in the future the working person will have a private pension, and no rent, an asset that they can release equity from. The short term gain of having a bit of extra spare cash now on benefits rather than using their money for all of the things I’ve mentioned is tiny in comparison to the future position.

They only ever see a person with benefits as having money, but that’s because costs are lower, and they aren’t building assets for the future. Most wouldn’t choose to swap

I’m the first to rage about husbands’ unfairly costly and time consuming hobbies, but the fact is that everyone (men and women) have to learn to live within their means, and OP and her husband clearly are not doing that, if they can’t afford ice creams on a very comfortable income. No one’s saying you shouldn’t ever go to the hairdressers, but there are hairdressers and then there are hairdressers. I get my hair cut for £20 a pop, whereas a friend of mine can spend £400 sometimes, at the designer salon where they give you a complimentary glass of Prosecco. She chooses to do this because she thinks it’s a worthwhile use of her money, but obviously she may have to sacrifice other things, whereas I would prefer to prioritise other luxuries and get the cheap haircut. Both of those choices are fine. What’s not fine, is choosing the expensive hairdressers (or clothes, car, broadband deal, mobile phone contract, gym membership, home decor, big house etc. - and yes, that includes gaming rigs and triathlons and all the other expensive man hobbies) while moaning you haven’t got enough money and trying to blame other people. I don’t know if OP goes to the pricey hairdressers, but she and her husband are CLEARLY going for the pricey version of SOMETHING - and probably the pricey versions of quite a lot of things - if they are struggling on a very comfortable income.

Working hard only gave you a better life when wealth inequality was less- approx 1920- the pandemic. Many people earning around what you do claim UC, but you may be just over the threshold- you must have a lot of outgoings over and above, food rent and fuel if you struggle on £5k a month- I suggest you look at frugal forums and cut your outgoings, £5k should be more than enough.

Well of course presuming that

a) the working person is a home owner and has a private pension
b) the benefit recipient is not a home
owner and doesn’t have a private pension

I'm a bit confused - that reads like some people taking home almost £5k per month are eligible for UC? I genuinely thought that by the time you're on that level of income you could only get non-means tested benefits, unless you have a raft of children all with disabilities of some form - though disability benefits aren't means tested anyway.

Because if the DWP are not asking, then why would they need to explain to some randoms on the net what they are spending the money on? Some posters will of course furnish posters with details of what they spend the money on, which is up to them.

Most likely, and eventually life will get more difficult for that family and easier foryou. Hang on in there.

And that's what's wrong with non mean tested benefits.

I think basing it on care needs is the right way to go about it since generally, the higher the care needs, the higher the disability costs.

I also can't think of any other way that wouldn't also add on to already long waiting times, complicate things even further etc.

Do you want to know what we spent our son’s DLA on this month?

2 x speech therapy appointment (1 was to pay for the therapist to come into the school). He is supposed to have speech therapy 3 times a year on the NHS (which still wouldn’t be enough, he’s 7 and has the language of a 1-2 year old) but due to backlogs he’s actually only had 1 in the past 3 years, so we have to pay. We also had to pay £750
for the initial private assessment.
2 x occupational therapy appointments. He has severe sensory issues which prevent him functioning on a day to day basis, but the NHS refused to carry out an assessment and just sent us a video to watch instead. We had to fund the assessment (£700) plus the ongoing therapy.
A new pair of school shoes. Due to his dyspraxia, he wears through a pair a month.
Increased transport costs. He can’t walk for more than 50 yards so we have to use the car far more than we would usually.
Increased water bill. He regulates through water, and our water bill has doubled.
We’re also paying off finance on a £3k safety bed we had to buy for him, so the monthly payment comes from his DLA.
He also has ARFID so we have to pay for specialist shakes as he was suffering from malnutrition.

It honestly baffles me that people seem so envious of others for having a disabled child. Would you like to have a disabled child?

And you did all that on… £400 odd DLA?

you got bang for your buck there!!

No, obviously we have to supplement it, as the DLA doesn’t cover his needs. Interesting that that was your only take from my post though.

Goodness… you are prowling for a fight this morning aren’t you?!

I was surprised that you got all that on DLA. And that - was the extent of my view on your family and financial situation 🤷‍♀️

no biggie

When you have a disabled child, it’s really frustrating when you’re constantly reading on threads like this that you don’t need your DLA, your child doesn’t cost more to raise than any other child etc. In addition, he only sleeps 4-5 hours a night which has been less in the heat (he slept 5am-7am last night). I’m the one that’s up with him keeping him safe every night. So yeah, if I come across as a little narky, that’s probably why. Wouldn’t you be in my situation?
I apologies for any upset to you that I may have caused.

Just ignore them then
you wouldn’t buy or read the daily mail
so ignore fact threads like this

And as for apologising for any upset to me? Sweet Jesus! You have well and truly got the wrong end of the stick 😆

That’s what 2 hours sleep does to you.

Yep.

DLA doesn't touch the sides of my son's needs either.