I’m going to upset people with this.. tell me your thoughts.

[Jingle23]

I just need to get this off my chest and see if others feel the same.
I work full-time and do everything I can to provide for my children. We don’t have much spare money, I bring home just over 2k and partner just over 3k a month. We have a mortgage but we often feel like were going without so they don’t miss out.
What’s been bothering me is seeing how different things can look for other families, even when they’re not working. I know someone personally who doesn’t work and isn’t relying on family for financial help, yet still seems able to manage a car on finance, holidays abroad - taking 3 children to Spain in the 6 weeks holidays, and everyday costs that I struggle with.
I’m not judging them at all, and I know every situation is different. I just feel really frustrated that I work full-time, pay my way, and still don’t feel like I’m any better off.
It’s made me question whether working hard always actually translates into a better standard of living anymore.
Does anyone else feel like this, or am I just having a wobble?

I just find it really interesting that if anyone in real life asks about our situation, the most common response is empathetic, whereas on here (a support forum for parents) you can describe how hard things are and all you get in response is a snarky comment about the money you receive. I have nothing but empathy for any parents of disabled children, and the only reason I post on threads like this is to try and correct misinformation or to put across a real life, opposing view to the ‘no one needs benefits for an autistic kid’ one that is prevalent on here. It’s a losing battle though so you’re right, I’ll leave it there.

Hence best to avoid daft threads like this

I agree with you and sympathise. Fortunately like you, I haven't come across any of the negativity you see on threads like this in real life, but it was also to try and counter the negative rhetoric being stirred up here that got me posting in the hopes that real-life experiences might help people see things differently and realise that there are real people and real lives behind the numbers and statistics.

When I said it should be meanstested it was a response to the poster bragging about putting her son's (adhd) DLA in a bank account every month. I am all for helping those who need it; I have an autistic son myself and have arranged my life around him so I absolutely understand how hard it is- even though mine is 16 now so some things are easier but he's def dependant on me and he wears me out from the second ge gets up until he's in bed. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings- I really didn't want to do that. I'm just fed up with some people who have high functioning seemingly normal kids that don't need any extra support thinking it's a due to get DLA just because a diagnosis of ADHD/anxiety that don't involved any costs for them at all like the poster I responded to.

Doesn’t occur to you that the poster is saving for her son or the future when she isn’t able to look after him and she doesn’t want his siblings to be left with the responsibility?

The thing is, putting it in their bank account doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s ‘spare’ cash. It could mean that it is put towards the household expenses, which are higher due to the child’s disability. Higher food costs due to a restricted diet, for example. Or like us, higher water bills due to sensory needs.
You also need to account for the fact that a very high number of parents (usually mothers) have had to reduce working hours due to things like the absence of suitable wraparound childcare (there is no childcare provider in my town who can offer a place to my son), or due to the child being on a reduced school timetable. In those cases DLA has to go into the family pot because household income has reduced.
It’s easy to look at a family and say ‘their child doesn’t cost any more to raise than mine’ but actually you have no idea if that’s the case.

A diagnosis isn't required for DLA and chances are, if the condition is mild, the child either may not be eligible or will only be eligible for the very lowest rate.

There's also a high chance that the child is more high needs than you might see on the outside looking in.

I do put not being able to work in account. I am one of these mothers. So I absolutely understand if the DLA needs to be used for expenses occurring due to a child's disability. I personally know atleast 2 families who get DLA for their children's disabilities that don't need it. They live perfectly normal lifes whereas I have to adapt everything around my eldest son.

Then what do you propose as a solution? Having been through the DLA application process yourself you must know that it’s pretty stringent… 34 pages of questions plus evidence needed. Personally I found the whole thing so distressing I put it off for months, despite needed the money, as it’s hideous having to detail everything your child can’t do. So even more stringent checks, to weed out those people you know who are claiming it fraudulently, would impact people like me (and you) too.