Kids who annoy you

[roseandviolets]

Yawning Kid.

Yawning Kid gives a huge, loud roaring noise as he yawns. (This species is usually male.) You have to stop speaking to allow Yawning Kid to finish his yawn. You suggest nicely to Yawning Kid that he yawns quietly, and covers his mouth in future. Yawning Kid looks around in absolute disbelief st his friends. "I was only YAWNING," mutters Yawning Kid. "Oh my GOD. Can't even YAWN in 'ere any more ..."

Fuck off, Yawning Kid.

Sensitive Susie.

"Right everyone! Books out, please!"
"Ohhhh," whispers Susie. "Don't SHOUT."

(Sensitive susie has no SEN. Sensitive susie manages to listen without screwing her face up during the deputy heads rants about the inappropriate graffiti in the boys' toilets. Sensitive susie can screech like a banshee. She's just being a pain.) Sensitive Susie is usually female.

Thespian Theo.

Theo knocks his leg against a desk or a chair, or is elbowed by accident by another kid. Thespian Theo yelps loudly and ostentatiously, shrieking and holding the offending body part in "agony." Thespian Theo will often ask for a wet paper towel or claim he cannot possibly write (even if the affected area is thespian Theo's testicles.) Theo is usually male.

Beautiful Beth

Beth is a lovely looking girl. Or, she was in Y7. Now she is in Y9 and is orange and black. She looks at her own face most of the time, either through a mirror or a phone. She brushes her hair constantly. She wears so much Victoria secret perfume that should missing, an average hound could probably track her down within sixty seconds. When you ask Beth to stop putting on her makeup, you get a vague 'huh? Oh ... In a minute!' Beautiful Beth is female. But occasionally her counterpart, Handsome Hugh, will have an elaborate hairstyle.

Touchy Tina

Tina gets a bottle of Pepsi out. You gently remind her fizzy drinks aren't allowed in school. 'Oh my GAWWWWD!' thunders Tina. "This school is per-feck-TICK!"
A group of girls are talking and you say their names - 'Girls? Anna, Tina, Jessica?'
'Oh my god, just pick on ME all the time doncha? Oh my GOD and it wasn't even me TALKIN. Everyone else is talkin' -' (Tina gesticulated to the now silent classroom) 'but yer just pick on ME!'

(This is light hearted and one day I will write about amazing annabel, wonderful William, hilarious Harry, beautiful (inside as well as out) Beatrice.)

But share yours: I need a larf!

Made me chuckle! Thanks! 14 and 1/2 working days to go for me! Keep smiling!

Know it all Nigel - he can give you chapter and verse on anything especially Science and History. Ask him to explain whenever you're asked something complicated by one of the other pupils.
Organising Olivia - put her in charge of the group and the activity will be run ultra- efficiently. She also has a talent for keeping disruptive pupils in line. And if you have a cupboard that needs a sort out she's your woman.
Flexible Fiona - she does 20 hours of gymnastics a week and will kindly demonstrate any exercises for PE.

I think I know Josh...

Neat Nora - can't do any work At All unless it it perfectly presented. Spends more time trimming the edges off worksheets or drawing borders round her work that actually writing anything.

This is hilarious and I would like to apologise to the teachers for DS1 - now to be known as Thespian Theo.

Tell-Tale-Tommy

Year 7. Spends much of his day looking at other kids and then telling the teacher when they're doing something wrong, whilst conveniently forgetting that he ought to be doing his work. Specialises in incredulous expressions when told to stop telling tales ("but Miss, it's not telling takes, it's the truth!")
Needs to get over it before Year 8.
Can be male or female. This year I have a couple of each.

I'm sure I taught josh on Friday as well!

Meerkat Matthew. Looks up instantly at any tiny sound or whisper or rustle outside. Mysteriously doesn't respond at all to the sound of your voice!

Flirty Freddie. Likeable, affable, but could make a living as a wind up merchant where winding up girls and making them shriek in (pretend) outrage is concerned. (If you stay at the school long enough, Freddie's offspring will enter and be the same.)

Loud Lewis. Was probably a town crier in a previous life. Nice kid but booms every syllable making you wince and other kids protest 'shuRUP!'

Squabbling sarah. Could start an argument in an empty room. You seat her next to the quietest, most placid child in the world, the sort who are about as much trouble as a goldfish, and sarah manages to steal their pen, knock against them, jolt their work until Goldfish Child mildly protests. You then have to find somewhere to put sarah. Not good. Even seated on her own she starts arguments.

Lazy Liam. Takes all lesson to write the date.

Hypochondriac Hannah: [In lesson] My knee hurts. My leg hurts. My head hurts. My arm hurts. My toe hurts. My eye hurts.

[Break time] seen running around the yard like a greyhound full of the joys of spring.

[Next lesson] My knee hurts. My leg hurts. My he.........

students who don't the lo down from the board despite several instructions, students who don't have pens very lesson,students who take home their books and say you have them,students who arrive late for your class, students who won't stop talking when you are trying to talk,students who come into class and sit in a seat they know is not theirs and then take 5 minutes to get into their own seat causing maximum disruption in the process, students who are stressmongers and encourage the ringleaders as much as they can and seek to undermine you at every turn,students who storm out of class when they don't get their own way,students who go home and tell their parents/managers/other teachers a completely false account of what happens to make you look like the bad guy,students who are 'unable' to focus on doing tasks in your lesson but can miraculously focus very well in other classes,students who 'don't get it' when you have have spoon fed them the answer on a handout,students who write a paragraph and argue they've done the work....

You have just described 90% of the students in my school

the ones who think it is clever to pretend they can't see or hear you, and just continue their social life unabated throughout the full length of the lesson, every lesson

Ohhhhhh-Meeerrr-Geeerrrrd Olwyn

Simple requests (like opening your RE book) are responded with dramatics worthy of an Tony and when you remind her that saying OMG is not great in a church school let alone in an RE lesson she'll start a high pitched shriek about persecution and her human rights.

Secretly you'll be rather pleased that something of last week's lesson went in.

the ones who think it is clever to pretend they can't see or hear you, and just continue their social life unabated throughout the full length of the lesson, every lesson

We had a girl who did this constantly and loudly at a secondary I used to help at. I had to shove my fist in my mouth when in a class the head popped in and asked for volunteers for a sporting event at a local primary that afternoon and as her hand shot up her firm tutor announced from the back

"Claire can't I'm afraid Mr Smith as she LITERALLY has like the period from from hell. Needs to totally waste her lunch hour finishing the most pointless maths homework EVER and needs to text her mum to ask if she can go to Susan's house after school".

The entire form roared.

I was just Josh. Any request to stop wandering around the classroom, chatting to his neighbour, hiding under the desk is met with 'I was just asking for a pen, talking about the work, trying to find the spring from my pen which exploded'

I don't care what you were just doing, it's disrupting my lesson so just stop doing it.

Haha at 'I was just'
Every fucking minute of every day.

Also- my room is next door but one to the toilets.
'Miss, can I go to the toilet'
'No, it's lunch in 10 minutes, you can wait til then'

'BUT IT'S LITERALLY THERE'

I know, love. I pass them about 10 times a day. I can smell them when I open my door. But thanks for your reminder. I'm still the one in charge here.

"Claire can't I'm afraid Mr Smith as she LITERALLY has like the period from from hell. Needs to totally waste her lunch hour finishing the most pointless maths homework EVER and needs to text her mum to ask if she can go to Susan's house after school" 😂😂😂

Greedy Greta..arrives at the end of term party empty handed, eats everything in sight and leaves clutching an armful of food for laters. Not surprisingly she is very fat!

My DD is a neat Nora. Her teacher writes on 80% of her work, Lovely diagram, you must write the instructions. Beautiful picture, try to finish the work. Very neat, more than one paragraph needed.

Her books are very nice to loom at though.

Leader Larry - Parent believes Larry has 'leadership potential' and should be boss of all things. In actual fact, Larry is an obnoxious twerp who won't shut up, tries to take over, and talks over the top of everyone.

Cuddling Chloe - Sweet child, but just will. not. stop. touching. you!

Miss Ditzy Demelza - female teacher under 35 who specialises is acting a little dim and daft because it makes her relatable to the students in her eyes. Is infuriating to work with because said persona ends up coming into the staff room and we're all expected to laugh along.

Haha this is so me! Though not on purpose, I can make some silly mistakes but I am just a TA (although I do have a degree in my subject). I hope I don't bring it in to the staff room and infuriate my colleagues though.

Hungry Hamish who always has a packet of crisps or biscuits shoved in their blazer pocket and insist on eating some every time you look in the opposite direction then declares they aren't eating whilst spraying crumbs all over you.

I have a Neat Nora - spends most of her revision time drawing borders around her notes in 20 different colours - all her teachers comment on how lovely her work is - sometimes I wish they wouldn't give her such positive feedback....they might be just encouraging her to do more!

Thought of another one last night!

Fidgeting Flora
Will spend the whole lesson constantly tapping her foot/pen/fingers until you want to tap your head against your desk! When asked to stop, Flora will stop for a blissful thirty seconds while she writes the date and a sentence before starting up again.

Year 6 and the pre teen attitude in the last half term! Enough said!!!

Year 6 and the pre teen attitude in the last half term! Enough said!!!

My yr1 dd1 is a clingy Claire. I do feel sorry for her teachers and try to encourage her to make friends and play outside with them more.

No Boundary Ben/Bella wants to practically sit on your lap when talking to you. Usually Year 7 and the pupils for which the "pupils stand there, behind the desk" rule was introduced.
Not making the mistake of letting myself be manoeuvred into a corner again!