Kids who annoy you

[roseandviolets]

Yawning Kid.

Yawning Kid gives a huge, loud roaring noise as he yawns. (This species is usually male.) You have to stop speaking to allow Yawning Kid to finish his yawn. You suggest nicely to Yawning Kid that he yawns quietly, and covers his mouth in future. Yawning Kid looks around in absolute disbelief st his friends. "I was only YAWNING," mutters Yawning Kid. "Oh my GOD. Can't even YAWN in 'ere any more ..."

Fuck off, Yawning Kid.

Sensitive Susie.

"Right everyone! Books out, please!"
"Ohhhh," whispers Susie. "Don't SHOUT."

(Sensitive susie has no SEN. Sensitive susie manages to listen without screwing her face up during the deputy heads rants about the inappropriate graffiti in the boys' toilets. Sensitive susie can screech like a banshee. She's just being a pain.) Sensitive Susie is usually female.

Thespian Theo.

Theo knocks his leg against a desk or a chair, or is elbowed by accident by another kid. Thespian Theo yelps loudly and ostentatiously, shrieking and holding the offending body part in "agony." Thespian Theo will often ask for a wet paper towel or claim he cannot possibly write (even if the affected area is thespian Theo's testicles.) Theo is usually male.

Beautiful Beth

Beth is a lovely looking girl. Or, she was in Y7. Now she is in Y9 and is orange and black. She looks at her own face most of the time, either through a mirror or a phone. She brushes her hair constantly. She wears so much Victoria secret perfume that should missing, an average hound could probably track her down within sixty seconds. When you ask Beth to stop putting on her makeup, you get a vague 'huh? Oh ... In a minute!' Beautiful Beth is female. But occasionally her counterpart, Handsome Hugh, will have an elaborate hairstyle.

Touchy Tina

Tina gets a bottle of Pepsi out. You gently remind her fizzy drinks aren't allowed in school. 'Oh my GAWWWWD!' thunders Tina. "This school is per-feck-TICK!"
A group of girls are talking and you say their names - 'Girls? Anna, Tina, Jessica?'
'Oh my god, just pick on ME all the time doncha? Oh my GOD and it wasn't even me TALKIN. Everyone else is talkin' -' (Tina gesticulated to the now silent classroom) 'but yer just pick on ME!'

(This is light hearted and one day I will write about amazing annabel, wonderful William, hilarious Harry, beautiful (inside as well as out) Beatrice.)

But share yours: I need a larf!

@CurlyhairedAssassin it's real! And keep using it to open the previously closed tabs. The kids hate it when you do it.

'You shifTy bugger I will control. This is just to help me remember really.

We use impero to spy on kids in computer rooms. Most fun ever. I can have live thumbnails of all their screens on my laptop and can take control of their screens and turn their games off from my seat.

Best thing is to take control but do nothing. The game stops responding to them but they can't tell me the computer has gone wrong because they're not supposed to be playing on it.

Ctrl+alt+t, Ctrl+alt+t, Ctrl+alt+t, I can tell if you've been n a u g h t y!

Game. Changer.

Somehow I am not allowed this Evil as I am just a DT teacher, not an ICT teacher. It has been thus for a number of years. Have we completely derailed the thread?

evil we have similar software - even better is when they claim they've been working all lesson and then you show them their keystrokes

AB Tutor Control is my saviour-especially when I can take timed screen shots of what they have been doing without them knowing, before closing programs down! Most stuff is filtered thank goodness but for some reason, even just the Google Doodles excite the pupils!

elephant I'm a drama teacher! Impero is on all teacher laptops where I work.

I am going to remember the control shift t 😂

This thread is brilliant

I have to confess I'm miss positive and Patient! But I work in a SS so it really helps to be positive and patient!

However it may have backfired yesterday with one of my year 11 who developmentally is about 4/5.
We had problems with our servers and I said "oh this computer is annoying me. I'm getting quite cross that we can't do what I'd planned"

He looked up and said "you are, maybe you need to make a sensible choice to go outside and walk around until you feel ready to be in the classroom"

Helpful Helen is the one I find most difficult - yet useful.

She is the one who volunteers to literally do everything for you and I fear when I go to the loo she'll offer to join me and wipe my arse!

This is funny. You should write the bad parent bit for MN, OP, because it's shocking and this is much better.

Funny thread. I want to hear back later what happened with people using function keys to bring back old tabs kids had open.

Mouthy Maddy, will comment on anything you say even if not directed at her, 'god Miss they weren't even doing anything' in reaction to you telling another member of the class to stop: chewing, swinging on their chair or talking over you. I'm not bloody talking to you Mandy so butt the hell out and actually do some bloody work rather than trying to manage everyone else's business you annoying little madam. And breath.

The kids who annoy me are the ones who get made Head Boy, Girl, Deputy or Captain, or get the awards and prizes, or their photos on everything, or get all the praise, not on merit or on a fair basis. It's because they are the HM's godson, the child of the HM's close friends, or their parents have donated to the school or schmoozed the HM. It's hard not to take an instant dislike to these children, and some of them do seem incredibly entitled. However some of them actually turn out to be decent children, despite the bad example they are being set, and I end up feeling quite sorry for some of them. So I suppose it's actually the corrupt, self-serving adults in these situations who really annoy me, really really annoy me.

Mwahaha - I used CTRL + alt + t on them today and completely blew their minds!!!

and to the power of mumsnet. They had been looking at very cute Pomeranians, the naughty girls!

Have we had 'Was it just me though Wayne'? I don't care who else it was, I'm talking to you right now.

Designer Clothes Dave, Know it all Kevin, Hypochondriac Henry*

*may apply to teachers and students equally...

Just read this thread through again for a laugh. Did any of you end up using the keyboard shortcuts?

Can I reignite this thread? Hilarious Hannah - will burst into uncontrollable laughter at anything and everything, distracting at least half the class in the process. When pulled up on this will respond indignantly with, "But it's FUNNY Miss! Don't you think it's funny?! Oh my God, I can't help it, Johnny made me laugh." Almost always female and usually in year 8.

Hyperactive but Healthy Harry - has never ever missed one of your lessons through illness because his parents know what he is like and spend every weekend letting him 'burn off his energy' thereby ensuring he has the worlds strongest immune system ....sigh.

Hands up Harriet

Has a folder, new pencil case and bright and eager eyes every lesson. Her hand is up 90% of the time "miiiiiisssss do I turn my page over?"and a million other inane questions.

By week 2 I'd put a 2 question limit on her.

Pranker Patrick

Turn your back one moment and he's stuck a post-it on one of the quiet ones saying "Kick me" or something weird like that. It happened to me way too many times!

Posh Boy Piers. Begins sentences 'my au pair'

Dawdling Danny who cannot come in the room on time or quietly

Hair flicking Heidi.

Screeching Shannon

Dribbling Dermot

Sleeping Stanley

Head down on desk Henry

No Pen Nick

That's my year 10.

Road man Rory and his mate Gangsta Gavin