Kids who annoy you

[roseandviolets]

Yawning Kid.

Yawning Kid gives a huge, loud roaring noise as he yawns. (This species is usually male.) You have to stop speaking to allow Yawning Kid to finish his yawn. You suggest nicely to Yawning Kid that he yawns quietly, and covers his mouth in future. Yawning Kid looks around in absolute disbelief st his friends. "I was only YAWNING," mutters Yawning Kid. "Oh my GOD. Can't even YAWN in 'ere any more ..."

Fuck off, Yawning Kid.

Sensitive Susie.

"Right everyone! Books out, please!"
"Ohhhh," whispers Susie. "Don't SHOUT."

(Sensitive susie has no SEN. Sensitive susie manages to listen without screwing her face up during the deputy heads rants about the inappropriate graffiti in the boys' toilets. Sensitive susie can screech like a banshee. She's just being a pain.) Sensitive Susie is usually female.

Thespian Theo.

Theo knocks his leg against a desk or a chair, or is elbowed by accident by another kid. Thespian Theo yelps loudly and ostentatiously, shrieking and holding the offending body part in "agony." Thespian Theo will often ask for a wet paper towel or claim he cannot possibly write (even if the affected area is thespian Theo's testicles.) Theo is usually male.

Beautiful Beth

Beth is a lovely looking girl. Or, she was in Y7. Now she is in Y9 and is orange and black. She looks at her own face most of the time, either through a mirror or a phone. She brushes her hair constantly. She wears so much Victoria secret perfume that should missing, an average hound could probably track her down within sixty seconds. When you ask Beth to stop putting on her makeup, you get a vague 'huh? Oh ... In a minute!' Beautiful Beth is female. But occasionally her counterpart, Handsome Hugh, will have an elaborate hairstyle.

Touchy Tina

Tina gets a bottle of Pepsi out. You gently remind her fizzy drinks aren't allowed in school. 'Oh my GAWWWWD!' thunders Tina. "This school is per-feck-TICK!"
A group of girls are talking and you say their names - 'Girls? Anna, Tina, Jessica?'
'Oh my god, just pick on ME all the time doncha? Oh my GOD and it wasn't even me TALKIN. Everyone else is talkin' -' (Tina gesticulated to the now silent classroom) 'but yer just pick on ME!'

(This is light hearted and one day I will write about amazing annabel, wonderful William, hilarious Harry, beautiful (inside as well as out) Beatrice.)

But share yours: I need a larf!

Moaning Minnie’s! The lot of you

I'm sure somewhere there is a counterpart teachers thread written by the kids on:

There is, it's called Ratemyteacher.com

Gormless Gordon. There was always one in my classes, wherever I went to school! Normally found with a finger/pen in mouth, staring ahead like a zombie.

Horrible Handwriting Hobie. His scrawls are undecipherable.

Hands up Hannah (aged 4) - hand shoots up the minute I say the words what, who, when or why, with no idea what the end of the question will be let alone the answer.

Snotty Sam - wipes nose continually on sleeve whilst sniffing and spluttering, occasionally picking and inspecting finger before licking clean.

Love it piggypwaspushed - I teach lot of those!
Observer Olivia (likes to critique the lesson, as you’re teaching it - ‘Miss, this lesson is boring - can’t you see we’re not enjoying it?’ - the only suitable response is ‘it doesn’t matter if you’re bored: only if you’re learning!’
Nuffink Norman (‘Norman’ ‘I didn’t do NUFFINK WHY ARE YOU PICKING ON ME. I HATE THIS SHIT SCHOOL’ ‘Norman, you’ve literally done nothing, your book is blank - this is the issue’)

I'm Just Justin and Justine

Justin, sit down and listen

Miss I'm just telling him how to do it

I haven't told anyone what they are doing so no you can't be telling him can you?

Put your phone away Justine

But I'm just answering a text from my mum

Looks down on you Luke

Luke: Jim I can't believe you have asked a health and social teacher to help with your computer ha ah

Jim: looks sheepish

Me: Heath and Social teacher with a degree in Computer Science

Luke: Looks like he cannot believe you have any education at all stammers, I din't know that

It is amazing how so many of the pupils you have described here have classic Dysl CIA, ADHD, Autisim Spectrum Condition and Anxiety... but it's really funny to take the poss out of them I suppose.

Miln guess there had to be one person to bring the thread down... Fwiw, not a single one of the kids I was referring to has any SEN, whatsoever. I've yet to come across a teacher joking about those...

Correction: I was referring to I had in mind, before I get slayed on here...

And how precisely would you know if they had an undiagnosed SEN or not?
Quite an upsetting thread - I wish I hadn’t stumbled across it.

Well I thought it was funny - really cheered me up. From a teacher's perspective, most of these observations will be affectionate in nature, and sanity saving at the absolute worst. You may as well go onto the "silly toddler tantrums" threads and feel sad on there if this kind of thing is bothering you.

May I present multiplying Mike.

This child can be quite sweet when you have him on a one to one or is in the company of well behaved children, but place him in any proximity of somebody aiming to cause trouble, and he will multiply the trouble until it reaches 100.

Oh it is ever so cute when your ADHD child calls out in class a lot and then gets the piss taken out of her on the internet. Evervso cute.

What is actually wrong with people on this website?

Sorry Simon.

'Simon, please stop'

'sorry , miss, I won't do it again. Sorry. oOps'
'Look, Simon stop apologising . Just don't do it again'
'Oh , sorry, miss, I won't . Sorry. really sorry'

Although I prefer sorry Simon to sarcastically sorry not sorry Sean.

'Can you please keep the noise down in the corridor?!'

'Oh, I am sooooooo sooooryyyyy, Miiiiisssssss' Screech yell push shove ' Everyone be quieeeetttt. This teacher is getting annnnnooyed. Soz miss! Sorreeeeeee'

milngaviegirl this is staffroom.

Disclaimer : none of the students I have described has ADHD. They're just a bit rude.

How do you know Piggy? Given that a report published 2?weeks ago stated that 3-5% of children have ADHD compared to only 1% with ASC (that's at least one in every class) are you a Psychiatrist that teaches as a side job and can state that no child in your class has ADHD?

Funny how the teachers seem to be enjoying themselves in, ya know, the staffroom... If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen.... While there is a chance that some of these children might have undiagnosed SEN, the vast majority will not. Teachers tend to be quite good at seeing the positives in "negative" behaviours arising from SEN - e.g. excessive questioning. However, we also need to let off steam from time to time. This does not mean that we do not care about kids! It does mean that we do this in a teacher-only space, like the staffroom.

I am perfectly happy (not the right word : ashamed better) to admit my DS is Only Ever Has One Chewed Pen in his Pocket Peter and then there's Was it on Show My Homework ? Walter:

' Right everyone, hand your homework in'
'Did we have homework , Miss?' shocked face
'Yes, I reminded you 93 times' sigh
' But you didn't put it on Show My Homework Miss, did you?' triumphantly
'Yes, yes I did!' exasperatedly
'Oh. I've forgotten my log in so I never look'

Actual conversation with actual sixth former today whilst one pen Peter was looking for his pen and getting ink on his hands from the chewed one in his pocket.
'Miss, can I go and wash my hands?'

(My Ds has dyspraxia . I try to see the funny side, even though I take it very seriously in reality)

BTW, what makes you think none of the people posting here have SEN? I do!

This isn't a staffroom!!!!!

Ermmmm... I never said that no one had ADHD???

The precise examples of annoying kids I have described are not ones with ADHD.

Actually, teachers are preettttttty good at spotting and flagging up SEN issues in students (as behoves us in our role as skilled educators). It is the system that often fails to provide proper diagnoses in time. So I have loads or (invariably) boys with terrible handwriting, for example, some of whom may have not officially diagnosed SEN difficulties. I move hell and high water to help them. But they still have personalities and foibles.

My best friend at school had a physical disability. she was still bloody annoying at times. To reduce people only to a need with no personality traits is really patronising.

No Milngavie it is THE staffroom. Here we go again....

I am compelled to answer here, I am a teacher but I am the head of education at a national charity dealing with a specific neurodevelopmental disorder and we are making a film about what our children wished their teachers knew about their condition... I sit reading this and every one of the ignorant comments our children have brought up during the film is evident on this thread.

Are we not allowed to be annoyed? being patient all day at school means we need somewhere to vent. I know the police take the piss out of some prisoners (often far more cruelly than could be repeated here) and that GPs find some patients annoying.

I have a Sensitive Susie. She does indeed have some sen including a sensory disorder but most teachers wouldn't know this as our senco doesn't seem to tell people.
She's also loud at home. My friends autistic kids hate noise but are the loudest people I know.

That said dd being so sensitive can drive me bonkers so I hear ya.

You could help us by giving examples. Your job sounds fascinating.

Have you NEVER vented about anyone or anything though??