Very very tall daughter

[BadAtTecnology35]

My DD12 (13 next month) is now over 6'5 and almost 6'6. How do I help her with this?
I am 6'2 and DH is 6'4 but she's just that bit taller. DS who's 11 is only 5'4 for comparison.

Everyone always mentions it everywhere she goes and that's before they realise her age cause she looks older. Teachers, friends, everyone.

She's quite slim build and has size 14 feet (i know). She used to not mind her height but now she's getting to be the tallest boy or girl in her whole school, I'm hearing more comments about how she hates it.

Will she grow much more? How can I help her build confidence up?

Want to clarify, we've been doctors and no hormone issue/ disease

Your DD will inevitably attract attention, wherever she goes, even if this doesn't manifest itself in overt comments. You need to help her learn to always respect her body for its superior height, walk tall and cultivate an air of confidence that will hopefully prevent idiot men in vans and clubs making stupid comments. On the other hand, she needs to be aware that comments about her height from strangers and new people are not necessarily meant to be unkind, more thoughtlessly blurting the obvious. This is going to be lifelong and you need to help her manage this and also develop the confidence to insist on physical adjustments like furniture that fits at school and work

No, she doesn't have to be a model/pole vaulter/apple picker/window cleaner or any of the other inane suggestions that PP are giving that tell her that height is all she has to offer and is her raison d'etre

I really hope that you have actually bought her some womens' shoes: forcing her to wear mens' shoes is far from ideal and needs to change.

As a very tall female I wouldn't advise just waiting & hoping she stops growing after puberty/periods. She may need hormone blockers

I feel for you both though. It's rough to have no control over your height/weight

There’s a young woman who has tens of thousands of followers on TikTok because she’s tall and she talks about it a lot. Maybe your DD should monetise 🤷‍♀️

Height is valued in rowing.

This is a serious comment.
If she plays netball, but only if she enjoys it, she could have a career with a professional team as a GS (obviously if she has talent). Many professional players in that position (and GK) are very tall, so she would fit right in.

I totally understand wanting to fit in (I was tall with ginger hair and a different accent!), so I think it's about helping her to feel comfortable and proud of who she is.

Sorry if this has already been said, but what about googling tall, famous women together. She might be surprised about how tall some are and it may subtly add to the “height doesn’t matter” vibe. And help her realise we’re all a bit different!

i am 6ft 3.5 - make her proud of her height.
My parents would never let me slouch, I have my mothers words ringing in my ears to this day - stand up straight, shoulders back and no slouching - think the 1980s - clothes were not as easy to find but they taught me quaility lasts and if you like it buy 2 especially in shoes.

Make it normal, extra effort to get her clothes and shoes that fit - summissura etc. She will struggle to be trendy i the fashion front but classic well dressed will make an impression.

My parents encouraged sport -rowing, basketball which I excelled at and gave me a self belief.

You can not stop the name calling but I would perfected an eye roll worthy of an oscar - usually with a pithy - my aren't we clever, or good to see your eyes are working.

It does get easier - I am now 48 and I love unfolding myself from a chair and looking down at some hapless man who has just questioned me

Given that she is sporty she would make a great goalkeeper. That's the one position in women's football that is much weaker than the men's game due to the height difference. At 6'5 she wouldn't have that issue. She could claim everything in the air and with that reach her shot stopping would be good also.

Please be positive or matter of fact about it. Obviously empathise if she’s struggling with it but don’t make it a thing. The reason I say this is because my exh is 6’6” and his parents brought him up to feel so sad about it, really encouraged the victim mentality. It didn’t help him.

My sister was very tall at school, as an adult she’s 6ft, even now people will always comment “aren’t you tall” as if she doesn’t know! She just says oh no one’s ever told me that before. And it usually makes them feel pretty stupid. Anyway, the positive for her is she has the best figure and clothes look amazing on her.

My daughter on the other hand is three years behind in her growth and is so much smaller than all her peers. Again people at school love to comment and tell her she’s short or wow have you grown when she has a growth spurt. She has given up caring or will find something about them to point out and that usually shuts them up from making any further comments.

People are dicks. I have had people comment on my height, literally just as an observation, not even disguised as a compliment! Just “oh aren’t you tall?” I’m only 5’9!!

If you commented on someone’s appearance for literally ANYTHING else everyone would say it’s rude, yet even though it’s just as rude to comment on someone’s height (especially when you don’t even know them!), it’s apparently meant to be fine 😤

imagine “oh aren’t you fat?” “Oh, aren’t you bald?” Etc.

arseholes. I empathise with your daughter. Tell her she’s not alone!

My DD (13) is tall, 5,6-5,7

She has slowed down, so I suspect your DD will too.

I have always got constant comments about her height ("Oh shes SO tall")and now her younger sister (who is also tall for her age) I do wonder if its a female thing, as do tall boys get these comments?

People will start to catch her up a bit, which will help. Make sure she has great clothes that she looks good in, and are appropriate to her age.

And remember, pretty much everyone hates their body at that age!

Poor kid

My friend is 6ft 3 and she embraces it she even loves heels she's got size 10s and shops in drag shops for her shoes

I hope she's strong and can embrace it and learn to love her height

I'm also from a tall family - women are all 6' -6'2 and my dad was 6'8 and I've a couple of cousins at 7' or just under, but that really is tall for a girl. I would ask for a pituitary gland check, or endocrine check. We had to do this with our daughter and there are ways to check height - you can do a bone scan of the hand which reveals the age of the bones and can be used to predict whether she will grow more, and you can inhibit the growth hormone. I was 6' at 11/year 7 and stopped then. I didn't get my period until 15, because I was very thin. I think weight is a bigger factor than height (tho obvs taller people can way more) for starting periods so I don't think there is a correlation there as someone said.

Maybe you can try to encourage her to accept her height as “cool”

many people feel “different’ because of their stature
once you are comfortable (accepting) of the way you’re made)
you can carry it off with confidence !

Basketball is great for self esteem, and if she's any good she can earn a fucking fortune in the WNBA in America

I was going to say something like this.

Ugh that’s so hard. I’m 6ft tall (size 11 feet), and it was really hard as a young person so I can imagine that it’s extra tough with the extra inches! The comments from strangers and otherwise don’t help..the “you’re so tall!!” as if she didn’t already know that. 🙄
They obviously don’t mean offense but I find it bizarre that it seems so acceptable to comment on this particular aspect of people’s bodies just because they’re tall. I think that people feel that it’s a compliment. That being tall is to be envied. You would obviously understand that too, of course!

The only thing that has really helped me was continuing to remind myself that there is nothing you can do about it. You can hate it as much as you want but it’s not going to change - just not possible, so why waste my precious mental space being concerned that other people are so weird! Easier said than done but it’s a good skill to develop. If random people exclaim it to me now I just say “I’m aware” with a dead pan voice and face. It tends to shut them up and I like to hope that they might think next time before making unsolicited comments regarding people’s bodies.

Apologies for the essay of an answer, I’ve thought a lot about this topic! 😂

If you look at the statistics, over time people have been getting taller.

This is due to a better diet, living conditions & genetics.

I'm glad you've had all health concerns checked out.
It might be worth having a look at online groups for Marfan Syndrome anyway just for hints and tips about where to buy clothes and living as a tall woman, ( who may not be sporty) also dealing with the many comments from others .
I think many people think it's ok to comment on height as it's seen as a positive attribute. I believe taller people are more likely to be successful in work, financially etc.
X-rays etc can confirm if growth plates have closed in certain areas.
Spending time in Germany or Netherlands is a good shout.

I second holidays to Holland. Statistically the tallest nation and their clothing shop cater for it. My sister got laughed out of an Italian shoe shop for wanting a size 10 shoe, so maybe avoid the Med.
Im from a tall family and most of my aunts and cousins are over 6 foot. Im 5 10 and considered tall in school, but i knew I wasn't! There is great comfort in not feeling like the odd one out, is there any relatives she can hang with? Strength in numbers.
And the boys at school will start growing soon, she'll get overtaken in a few years.

People ought to think before commenting. Glad she’s a happy girl, lots of girls wouldn’t be. Sending hugs to her 💕

Not as extreme as your DD, but when I was 11, I was 5'8". I was the tallest in my primary school and (embarrassingly) taller than the teacher!

It was the same throughout my first few years of secondary school too - always taller than everyone else. I left to go to an all girl's school when I was 13 and I was still taller than most girls and nearly all of the boys.

A few years later I bumped into a group of boys from my earlier school and they'd all shot up and were well over 6 feet themselves. Boys definitely grow much later. A friend of mine took her son to the GP because she was concerned he was very delayed. At 17 he was well behind his peers who were all 6 foot + and hairy, while he was still 5'1 and skinny with no sign of any facial or body hair. He's now 23 and about 5'10" (and still probably only shaves once a week). He was never going to be tall, but he was also just a slow developer.

Me? I'm 46 and still 5'8"! I grew super quickly until I was 11, then just stopped.

As you get older everyone does catch up around you.

Obviously in your DD's case there's no certainty that she isn't going to stop, and she's still taller than even most of the boys that she goes to school with will ever be, but the significant disparity will reduce as each year goes by.

My German exchange 30 years ago for drugs prescribed to stop her growing as she was predicted to get to that height as both parents were well over 6 feet - she was 5 11.5 at 16 I think. She would have been close to 6 5 if they had let it go. I didn’t realise it was even possible to do that then.