Very very tall daughter

[BadAtTecnology35]

My DD12 (13 next month) is now over 6'5 and almost 6'6. How do I help her with this?
I am 6'2 and DH is 6'4 but she's just that bit taller. DS who's 11 is only 5'4 for comparison.

Everyone always mentions it everywhere she goes and that's before they realise her age cause she looks older. Teachers, friends, everyone.

She's quite slim build and has size 14 feet (i know). She used to not mind her height but now she's getting to be the tallest boy or girl in her whole school, I'm hearing more comments about how she hates it.

Will she grow much more? How can I help her build confidence up?

Want to clarify, we've been doctors and no hormone issue/ disease

Oh bless her. I was 6’ by aged 12 in the 1970s. It was hard. Other people’s comments can be shite. In fact, they are so predictable I wish I’d got myself a business car like this to hand to people.
No, we don’t all like basketball or netball 🙄

Everyone has to navigate their difference in a way that suits them. Luckily for your girl, she has a caring and perceptive mum to help.

Clothing and shoes are more available these days - check out Tallnernative Retail on FB and IG for a start. Lots of fellow tallies with links to amazing shops. Help her to find her style where she isn’t restricted to wearing men’s clothes and shoes unless this is genuinely her chosen look.

something that clicked with me as a teen was ‘well, they’re going to look at me anyway, so let’s give them something to look at’ - hello punk!

Posture is vital too, so she doesn’t end up with a destroyed back like me. All those years of trying to make myself shorter in groups - mea culpa.

Try to encourage some sass in her, she’s going to need it, because being tall is for life, not just Christmas!

What works with my very tall daughter was reinforcing the positives eg she loves running and her long legs mean she can run faster. We go to live music a lot and I often struggle to see but her and her dad (also tall) always have a great view. They (kindly) tease me about all the problems being 5'1" with stumps for legs brings eg cant walk fast, having to have clothes altered, having to ask for help putting things in overhead compartments etc. I make a point of asking her to help with things like that because it makes her feel good.

Its also really important to get clothes that fit. Luckily my daughter has always preferred the practicality of "mens clothing" so finding trousers that are long enough is easier than in the "womens section". I have a hard time with everything being too long and I can imagine its pretty soul destroying when everything is too short. I can't recommend anywhere (obviously!) but I knew someone who had size 12 feet and was very tall. She would (selectively) shop on drag queen type websites. She always looked great, never like she was wearing drag. Im not sure how you'd tackle that with a teen who is feeling sensitive though.

Equally though, we're honest eg when she's likely to find theatre seats uncomfortable etc.

She's slowed down down at 15 but has gotten self conscious about it. I think some of it is general teen body self-consciousness.

Her boyfriend is about the same height and a couple of her friends are also quite tall so that is helping.

Good luck. I wish I was taller!

Poor girl - I'm almost 6 foot and even that has it's challenges.

Well, she can't do anything about her height, so may as well make the most of the advantages. I'd get her heavily involved in sport. Netball for sure. Basketball? High jump? Anything where being tall is a significant advantage. This may help her confidence.

I was thinking again about this @BadAtTecnology35 and spoke to my son. He said some kind of martial arts/combat sports where there’s a community vibe, and people will be respectful and not be dicks!

On a practical level, I try to acknowledge his height and make adjustments but not a fuss, as he hates that. But I chose my car to ensure plenty of room, and book extra legroom on planes and so on.

Find a sport she enjoys where her height gives her an advantage. Other kids would envy her height at a swimming club, athletics club, running club etc. Would she be interested in modelling for niche clothing brands. Suggest to her to set up a forum or blog for tall teenagers. Join a speech/drama class to gain confidence and feel proud of her height. Have some one liners prepared for the inevitable comments.

Society is getting taller. I am 5'7 and was considered one of the tall girls in the 90's, now there are children in my daughter's primary school that are taller than me! When I noticed that people were taller, I actually felt a lot more vulnerable.
Let her experience this and accept it, she can move forward then and find the positives, as well as a way to live with it.
It may be worth regularly holidaying in Icelandic countries where people are taller just so that she can feel comfortable with herself and not so different.
I really feel for her going through it at this age.

I'd like to offer some advice (don't know how good it is) from the perspective of a (retired) secondary school teacher. I'd suggest finding a sympathetic teacher who can look out for your daughter at school, and perhaps give her a safe space if she finds the school environment difficult - which, I have to be honest, I fear she might. I'd suggest an older female teacher, possibly a senior member of staff, someone with an understanding and kind nature (but beware teachers who get their personal validation from children - it needs to be someone who understands the need for a certain degree of professional detachment.) Ideally, this is someone who your daughter can go to, perhaps at breaktimes and dinnertimes, if she felt the need, but also someone who you could contact every now and then, to form a triangle of support for your daughter.

Encourage your daughter to "find her tribe" - perhaps in some school-based extra-curricular activity.

I think the fact is that your daughter may feel self-conscious at school, at least at times. As a teacher (and a not-very-tall man) I was always careful about my body language when talking to students who were either particularly tall (there were 11-year old girls taller than me) or perhaps on the large side; for example, I was conscious of one girl who probably found sitting behind a desk uncomfortable. I kept my body language neutral; for example, I was careful, when talking to particularly tall students, not to make a big deal of having to look upwards to them. This can be done.

Most teachers are well-meaning but not all have the skills to make all students feel comfortable, which is why I think it's so important to find a teacher you can trust. I wish you and your daughter well.

Definitely lean into all the ways her height can be an advantage. Have you tried athletics? It’s more individual than team sports like netball and basketball and consequently less pressure but just as social. Her stride length will be amazing!

Poor girl. I would get a second opinion on medical issues and see if there is anything she can take that will halt her growth now so that she gets no taller.

My daughter is fairly tall and was struggling with it. What helped her embrace it was watching the Netflix YA film Tall Girl. It has a great message.

It isn't nice to be an outlier as a kid, it can attract cruel comments. The best thing is to improve her confidence to be proud of her height not ashamed of it.
There are many things she could excel at if inclined and interested in which would help boost her confidence and make her peers envious or look up to her (excuse the pun!): Join a women's basket ball team, fashion modelling, hurdler, high jumper etc etc. If she can excel in any of these it will help with confidence. Also join groups on line for tall people, dating for tall people and so on.

She is who she is, hope she can benefit and be confident. Good luck.

Oh it’s hard. I was 6ft by about 13/14. That fact was basically ignored by my parents, so please say you get her stuff from Tall ranges! I was forever in too short clothes or men’s joggers, what a state I must have looked.

I wish I’d used my height to my advantage when I was younger but sport was never suggested - if she’s sporty then encourage the usual netball, basketball etc, but also look at if she could get into rowing. She’d be massively in demand if her wing span and leg length are as I’d imagine at that height!

I’d be looking at basketball and potential US college scholarships for a girl of that height.

The reason I'm asking is that if she hasn't completed puberty yet, I might consider seeking medical advice, as she may still have some growth potential.
In girls, growth typically peaks in the few months leading up to their first period, after which they usually grow another 1 to 3 inches.

I know in the run up to London 2012 they did an initiative called sporting giants. I wonder if there is still something like this going on?

Volley ball, netball, high jump, basket ball, rowing - so many things she could get into. It would also give her some confidence..

Can I please check that you are talking about a biological girl here? If so, her height is exceptionally rare, and it's worth checking everything through with medical professionals again. She's only 3 inches below the UK record for a woman.

The majority of women at her sort of height (roughly 1 in 3 million women!) are that height due to medical issues, some of which can be serious, so please get this really thoroughly checked.

I don't think people are realising just how tall she is when mentioning ranges in shops etc. They won't be suitable for women much over 6 foot. There's only about 15 women of her height in the whole country (1 in 3 million, then taking some off for kids and elderly).

Even if she is medically fine, it might be worth talking to the Dr about if they can stop further growth. Not because there's anything wrong with being tall, but because of the physical issues it might put on her body if it continues, and emotionally if she's self conscious about it.

Yes I absolutely agree. I have never seen a woman that tall. The comments about modelling and netball are meant kindly but she will be towering way above anyone else and I think the priority needs to be to prevent any further growth. I’m surprised nothing was done when she passed six foot.

Being tall doesn’t give you magic sporting prowess. Nor does it make you photogenic (for the modelling comments).

But it might?

the message is about owning and enjoying her height as it isn’t going anywhere

Aw there’s no need to be so unkind and discouraging

I’d encourage the netball as much as possible if she enjoys it, if you have one close by take her to watch a super league game and meet the team post match, she won’t stand out so much amongst them, most circle players are over 6’ at that level! The higher the level she plays at the more of her peers will be above average height, and it might help her to see the positives in it.

All 4 of my children are over 6 ft, but 3 of them are boys (and DH is 6ft 6). My DD is 6ft and hated being so tall in secondary school (despite being a keen netballer). Now that she is a student it's not so bad as her boyfriend is about 6ft 2 and there are lots of taller girls - but 6ft 6 for a girl is extraordinary. As others have said, I would be ensuring there is nothing medical going on.

No but it gives you a significant advantage in many sports (as a netballer myself I'm well aware that much of my success is due to my height in addition to my skill). Surely that's obvious to anyone with half a brain cell...?

I was gawky and tall at School decades ago when average height was much shorter than my 5'11". When with a few school friends a stranger said "Lovely model height, you are very lucky". It totally reframed how I felt about it and gave me some confidence. Look for beautiful role models who are tall, stunning volleyball players etc, that blond Australian actress Elizabeth Debinicki (or a surname something like that). Successful super tall women as role models. She will have comments and stares all her life. Her self image needs to be reframed that she is Beautiful, unique and powerful.

Definitely ballet for posture - she will look amazing and saves back trouble later on.
Netherlands for holidays! Beautiful country, they all speak English (!) and loads of really tall men and women around. Good universities too. Or if she's sporty get her into basketball, US universities offer great scholarships and all the girls on the teams are over 6ft.
I really sympathise, must be a pain in the neck.