Very very tall daughter

[BadAtTecnology35]

My DD12 (13 next month) is now over 6'5 and almost 6'6. How do I help her with this?
I am 6'2 and DH is 6'4 but she's just that bit taller. DS who's 11 is only 5'4 for comparison.

Everyone always mentions it everywhere she goes and that's before they realise her age cause she looks older. Teachers, friends, everyone.

She's quite slim build and has size 14 feet (i know). She used to not mind her height but now she's getting to be the tallest boy or girl in her whole school, I'm hearing more comments about how she hates it.

Will she grow much more? How can I help her build confidence up?

Want to clarify, we've been doctors and no hormone issue/ disease

Oh bless her, I can sympathise from the other side of the coin - I was a 5’2 12 year old with the body of betty boop in an era where being tall and very thin was The Look. What helped me was finding activities I was good at due to my shape (powerlifting) and finding similar shaped beautiful female role models (marilyn monroe, christina hendricks). Owning your body and celebrating it the way it is makes such a difference to how you carry yourself and how other people respond to you.

Has she ever done any bouldering/climbing? Her height would be a big advantage and it’s great for posture, but not competitive or pressurised, and climbers tend to be a lovely accepting bunch of all shapes and sizes. As for role models, she needs to see beautiful tall women from the heyday of 90s supermodels and musicians like grace jones, linda evangelista, cindy crawford. ‘Amazonian goddess’ is her archetype 💪

Some European countries there seems to be more tall women eg Germany, Netherlands. Lots of tennis players, athletes eg pole vaulters, volleyball players are tall.

@CinnamonJellyBeans I'm sure the OP would be very grateful if you can tell her where to buy women's shoes in a size 14 instead of saying 'this has to change'. Of course her only option is to buy men's shoes, unless she looks at drag queen shoes (which are for men, anyway). She's only 12 years old, and the ghastly pink sparkly sandals with 6 inch heels and platform soles that are on offer for drag queens would hardly be suitable! I buy men's shoes quite often and I'm a size 7. My friend with size 11 feet has no other option.

Rowing gold medallist... seriously. I have an extremely tall SIL who was terrible at all other sports - uncoordinated and dropped balls, slow at running - but her height (similar to your daughter) made her world class at rowing.

5 foot 6? That's not particularly tall though... we're talking about a girl who is literally a foot taller!

Another vote for basketball. There are quite a few sports where you can get fast tracked simply based on measurements as an indication of potential, never mind the scholarships (appreciating these will be disappearing for now in the US).

As a 5ft 2in, anybody above 5ft 8in is either tall or taller!

I'm another one suggesting that now would be a good time to start holidaying in Holland in the future. It is very tourist-friendly (I've not encountered anybody who wasn't fluent in English). [Our swimclub/City is twinned with a Dutch one so we encounter a fair few people who tower over me/DD].

The Centreparcs are a lot cheaper and the school holidays often don't overlap. De Efteling is a great themepark for kids. The Youth Hostels are worth a look (we stayed in a castle up near Haarlem).

It is worth encouraging her to do some sort of exercise to strengthen her core; ballet is an obvious choice, but rowing would be ideal (even if it is in a gym). (I'd suggest swimming (waves at turkey), but that is a big time commitment. It might be worth trying to link up with a decent sports physio for constructive suggestions about if there are any sports to steer away from.

DD has big feet for her height; she spends her life in DM's (which seem to be unisex) and trainers. BTW (and I found this out when we were getting her new hockey shoes in a shop; a men's continental size can be a lot bigger than a women's - that was with ASICs and some other hockey brands - maybe the boxes were mislabelled, but we tried on loads of shoes).

ouch. That won’t help. There are some sites online that do extra large ladies shoes.

I'll also second sports. Being tall outweighs skill level in many sports for young people. Its worth keeping encouraging her as she'll see the benefits rather than the negatives.
I know a 6ft 3 14 year old boy, and he's never met a basketball coach who didn't love him. Edited to add the important bit! he's not great at basketball, but finds shooting into the net way easier than his 5ft 5 team mates.

I looked. Yours do large shoes, seems to be a 13 max, but I always find their shoes come up big. I wear an 8 as a rule but a 6 or 7 from there fits easily.

You have my utmost sympathy OP, not because there is anything wrong with your DD but because of the endless, thoughtless comments you will receive here and IRL.

Can people stop wanging on about basketball and netball as if that's some sort of instant fix? Or modelling.

We heard plenty of that for a few years - now DD is older, it's eased off a little. My DD is just a touch over 6'1" but we have always embraced her height. We talk about ourselves being the 'tall family' - I'm actually nearly the shortest at 5'10" as DS13 is just about to overtake me.

The only advice I can give is positivity and lots of it and reminders that people love to pass comments on others and to just ignore it and hold her head high.

I do think advice such as visiting other countries where average heights for women are taller is good - it's a reminder that she's not the only person who is tall.

I would seriously be thinking about moving to the Netherlands where everyone is much taller. I’m 5ft 10 and that’s been tricky enough when I was younger. This is very hard for her. Although kind of predictable given your heights.

I suspect she will stop growing now. I have tall kids. One DD is 6'3". She hated it when younger but has really embraced it now. Worst thing she deals with is drunken men trying to decide if she is a trans woman and making loud comments🙁 She stopped growing at 12/13. She had people telling her from a very young age that she was going to be a super model. She HATED that.
It helps being part of a tall family as the height is normal but at school it is hard. I encouraged my 3 to do sorts but they were not really interested although at Uni my DS does a lot of non team shirts but none of them are competitive so you cannot force that if not interested.
I think with 2 tall parents, I would not have medical concerns. I just accepted we would be a giant family and quite enjoy the gaps when we are out and about🤣

Gosh that is very tall. I’m 5 11 and that was hard going. Could she be a model?

Respectfully I do think it's more challenging for a girl/woman though.

Will she grow much more?
She might if she hasn't got period yet, she won't if she has had it for a while. Growth and menarche are very closely linked.

How to boost her confidence?

That's tough. By letting her do things she is good at. That could be art or music or indeed sports. Being good at something and getting recognition for it is brilliant for girls' confidence.

Does she have a good bunch of friends?

There are various height prediction calculators online you could use (though they may not be accurate for outliers, of course).

I know you said she's been checked for conditions, but all of them? E.g. Marfan Syndrome, or some other connective tissue condition? Ruling all those out would require either multiple genetic tests, or a whole genome test. As if it's one of those, height won't be the biggest issue; there can be heart problems etc.

I know you said you're both tall, but one or both of you could have something undiagnosed too.

I think time and maturity are the best ways of coming to terms with your appearance though. Her difference might be more noticeable than some people's, but everyone feels self-conscious about something.

And yes, typically children will continue to grow at that age. Girls usually slow down or stop growing around 14-15 years.

Bless her ❤️ Luckily it’s fairly unusual for girls to keep growing beyond 13 - I stopped growing at 11 myself and I don’t remember any of my female friends growing much beyond 12-13. The lads were a different matter though (quite a few even had growth spurts in their late teens/early twenties) so hopefully a few of her male peers will eventually catch up and she’ll feel less awkward.

Such as shame she has no basketball or netball talent though as that kind of height really would be such an advantage! (ignore the modelling comments on here though - an agent/clients would likely tell her she’s too tall as it’s generally 6 foot 2/3 inches max for women and if she is sensitive that’s the last field she wants to get into anyway).

Get her into volleyball! She'll get a full scholarship through Uni if she's any good.

I did check before posting. Up to size 13 is fairly easy. Size 14 and above, you have to pay more and shop abroad.

Your friend with the (relatively small size 11s) can easily shop at Evans and Yours (the latter goes up to size 13). There is no need for either of you to wear mens' shoes unless you want to.

I have always been tall but not as tall as your daughter and now at 65 find myself shrinking.
i don’t know if you know about this Facebook group but it is for tall women to find clothes through asking for recommendations for different types of clothing/shoes or members who have found an item that fits sharing links.
https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1HMUKRqjwe/?mibextid=wwXIfr

I want to say something else:
the OP said she got her daughters health checked and hormonal conditions have been ruled out.

For anyone here calling her a ‘poor girl’ and she needs to get tested and suggesting the girl gets height blockers, those are really horrid comments Do you go around saying that to people below 5’ 3?

Poor why? Because she doesn’t look like you? People are allowed to be tall. There’s nothing poor about it, there’s nothing medical wrong about it and it doesn’t require a medical intervention if she’s not ill. She’s her own self and is allowed to be tall without that kind of prejudice. Your comments are exactly the reason why this mum is posting.

I had a colleague who was 1.92m as was his girlfriend (6ft5). I remember thinking how cool it was that they had found each other. She was a real spirited girl. Had a great job, great relationship (and apparently drove like a maniac according to him). I suppose what I'm saying is, she'll be fine! But the next few years might be tough on her.

Predictable that a child would be even taller than their (already very tall) dad at age 13? I think it's predictable she'd be tall, but not even taller than dad already!

Bless her, I totally understand the not wanting to stand out, my brother is very tall 6 ft 6 and it was a mare for him growing up tbh. People stare/comment all the time. You’d never comment on someone being small or overweight it’s so bloody rude! I dint know if she’s allowed on social media yet, prob not, but I would imagine there would be other tall teens she can follow, I bet she’s absolutely beautiful and will learn to be proud of her height xx