Just a friendly hand hold for any other mums of teens PART 2

[Pleasegivemeyourwisdom]

Again, just a friendly place to liaise (or lament?!) with other parents who are trying their best to navigate the ups and downs of raising teens 😳

no judgy pants here so don’t worry about that!

also glad i found this thread, im having a rough evening of it

my eldest , 16f, is driving me potty. they have a baby, so a young mum and we have done so much for them, buying clothes, food, all the gear, along with all the legal stuff and such.

tonight she has buggered off with a boy she is interested in, left her dc in his cot and didnt even tell me, she told my youngest to tell me.
i seriously dont know where i went wrong sometimes.

thanks for the handhold i really need it

How old is baby?
hand hold- i can’t imagine trying to parent a teen and be a grandma at the same time.

dd has just asked for £10 cash in card for a new friends birthday tomo. There are 12 odd girls in her new senior school friendship group, is it expected that they gift each other cash for barely known friends who aren’t having a get together even?

in primary it was gifts at party! I feel annoyed by this and I’m not sure why.

baby is 10m.
Its so tough, im also studying and have 13f and 12m but theyre pretty chill (atm lol) I'm sat up waiting for her to roll through the door but it hasn't happened yet.

I'd also be annoyed by having to give cash, money seems to grow on trees it seems -_-

I hope baby sleeps well, for your sake, bless you.
and I hope your DD rocks up soon, so frustrating for you!

i tried to look online for some teen appropriate token gifts but sheesh, money really doesn’t stretch at all these days does it!

I hope so too, i had a night of studying planned, but now its filled with worry D-:

Nope, money doesn't go far at all, i dont know why they all couldnt maybe find a gift, spilt the cost and do that, would work out much cheaper!

My son went to a party last month and I said he's old enough to be out in town spending money on prime so he can be responsible for a gift. The boys are 13/14.

@Ithinkiminlimbo that sounds tough. Your DD needs to act more responsibly. She’s a parent now. You’ll end up being the mum to your grandchild otherwise.

I am SO mad!!!

My 16 year old has tonight punched his TV through gaming anger. And broken it.

I'm struggling to calm down. I'm struggling to even look at him.

I've removed the Xbox. He will not be getting it back. He will be replacing the tv

Can I join too?
My DD is 13 and really pushing boundaries

Eugh

sounds hard :(

yes, the more the merrier !

Can I join please?
I've found it very helpful to read this thread.
My DS is 17, he went from a sweet boy who wasn't afraid to show his emotions, to a despondent teen that barely speaks to me.
His problems started in the last couple of years, when he became ill with long covid, therefore missing a lot of school, which knocked him back a bit.
He also shot up in height, and is very tall, but underweight- which he's incredibly self conscious about.
He left school and passed some of his GCSEs, but starting college broke him, and he's been unable to go. I also found scratches on his wrist.
He just won't open up to me, he won't tell me how he's feeling, I've begged him to talk to me, but he won't.
I took him to the GP, and he didn't even want me to come in with him, he's admitted to a counseller at the college that he attended that he finds it very difficult to talk about his feelings to me. Why though??? We always had a good relationship when he was younger.

He gets frustrated with me because I keep asking him if he's ok, the GP referred him to a counseller, but he hasn't told me what they talk about.

His college have been great, but they've suggested that mentally, he's not in the right place to be learning at the moment, plus he has so much to catch up on, so they've suggested he takes this year out to get better and reapply next September.
But what if he doesn't get better? How can I help him if he won't talk to me?

Thanks for reading, I hope someone has suggestions on how I can help him

That sounds really difficult. He’s getting help though which is good. I find that the more I ask about how my 17 year old is, the more she shuts down to me. Maybe just focus on continuing to provide. a supportive space for him. Tell him you will listen and support him then don’t keep asking.

He's almost an adult and I know it’s hard but he’s under no obligation to tell you anything really. You can only love and support him. Hopefully his counselling will be helpful going forward.

Thank you for replying, you're right, I need to back off a bit and let him be.
I've told him that I'm always here, and that I love him, I suppose that's all I can do at the moment

Hello everyone, I'm struggling with my 14 yo Dd and her negativity. Nothing is ever good enough, her response to everything is that she didn't ask or doesn't care. We've just had 2 days at a theme park and London and unless she was in a shop she wanted to go to she was bored and dour faced. On the rides she was bored. She means I don't have a job (I'm a full time carer gif her grandmother) and get money for doing nothing and if I had a job we'd have more money so she could do and have everything she wants. Dad's girlfriends at her dad's house are her preferred company despite not being able to sleep properly, there being no food and her dad rarely being there. Her room is a tip. I wash and dry her clothes and give them her or put them in a pile in her bed but next thing I know they are in a heap on the floor or bed. I get her specific food requests in then she goes to her dad's and it gets wasted but if she's here and there's nothing she wants she's in a mood over it. It's such a smack in the face how she behaves. Her misery is making us all miserable and she bullies her younger brother. She's opinionated and hostile and wonders why she has no friends. It's all my fault of course that she's miserable. Her dad is a waste of space narcissist who hates me and I'm at a loss but ages affecting my health with her attitude.

I don’t think I’m cut out to parent teenagers. I feel utterly out of my depth, and don’t know if I’m paranoid, or right to worry.

I want DS (15) to have fun, and be independent, but I worry so much that he’s easily led by ‘cool’ kids.

I am currently sitting on sofa in tears, trying to work out how to manage this. And it’s not even a big drama. Just the worry of it!

@GymWanker and @JustACountryMusicGirlInCowboyBoots I have no advice really. Just empathy.

it’s horrible. I felt I was a good parent but now I have no idea.

yes, me too.
I'd do 0-12 again in a heartbeat, but teenagers have almost destroyed me (and mine are not even that bad).

I've just posted about trying to get some therapy for my daughter. It's not something I ever thought I'd need when sitting in a coffee shop trying to get through the day with a newborn without falling apart!

@LarkspurLane it’s SO hard. I don’t want to project my worries on him, as I’m sure a lot of it is just me thinking the worst.

But I do laugh when parents with just 13yo say ‘well the door slamming isn’t as bad as toddlers’ I don’t give a toss about door slamming (although I’m lucky with that side of things) I worry about what he’s up to!

@ricecakesareshit oh god, I’m sending a hug, that must be so hard. I can’t imagine. X

@Bobsledgirl the empathy helps. Xxx

May I join please? Single mum to DS 16 with asd, and DD 14 who is out of school with possible autistic burnout. Just going through assessments now. Thanks for the handhold. It's tough!

This is so true. Honestly, I don't care about behavior at home much, if there is communication (and if she's truthful - she's gotten into the habit of easy lying). I wonder whether she'll manage to go through these years relatively unscathed, with just a few bumps, as she's clearly not thinking long or medium term at this point.
What's really difficult is knowing when to intervene and when to sit on your hands.

Handhold supplied - we are not on our own trying to raise our teens x

Here to vent…gave up my day off yesterday to take DD to town to buy a dress for a party. She was such a pain. We literally cannot get through a day without a row. I don’t really know how it started. I just got fed up of the steady stream of negative behaviour and ended up losing it.

We were in a slightly unfamiliar part of town and she just kept asking ‘do you even know where we’re going??’ Yea! Just leave me to get my bearings for a second.it was really irritating.

At one point we’d stopped to check Google maps and a man was trying to get past me. She shoved me out of his way! ‘Well you were in his way’, I told her I’m not a child and to allow me to manage myself in the outside world and she was all eye rolls and ‘why you giving me negative energy??’. This stuff went on for a while until I’d had enough and we went home. Not speaking. She even complained about my car on way home.

What I had hoped to be a nice day descended into a series of spats. About not very much. So frustrating. I stopped talking at one point just to get some escape from it and she became annoyed that I wasn’t speaking to her. She of course always wants to tell me where I’m being ‘being off’ but shuts me down when I tell her how she’s making me feel.

It was a horrible afternoon. I don’t understand how we got here. She just seems annoyed by me all the time.

I do feel she has no respect for me. She treats me like a friend (one she doesn’t like much!). I feel I need to gain some authority back but not sure how.