Just a friendly hand hold for any other mums of teens PART 2

[Pleasegivemeyourwisdom]

Again, just a friendly place to liaise (or lament?!) with other parents who are trying their best to navigate the ups and downs of raising teens 😳

no judgy pants here so don’t worry about that!

Sorry that was long.

I totally get it.
it’s exactly the same here and it’s not modelled behaviour; so where the heck is it from?
it can feel cruel at times. You have my sympathy.

Yes! Where does it come from? I have no idea.

Dd11 ASD was only in school once last week. She's decided school isn't for her as it's boring. Hard to explain why they have to go to school especially when she tells me she doesn't want to find a job when she's older. Argh!!

My dd also ASD is ESBA too. Y11 it's a nightmare. She is failing her GCSEs.

handhold right here ladies.

I appreciate this thread so much!

Needless arguments this weekend. It's not an acute crisis, it's just that she is not prepared to take any advice to make her life easier, lazes around and all she thinks about is her social life and her boyfriend. She's prepared to wheedle and lie to get her way. I'm furious and sometimes think it's all been for nothing (why did I even have a child?). Should I let her fail her own way?
Does grounding work, or will it just give her more ammunition to say her parents are awful and stand in her way.
I don't know. I'm just very sad a lot of the time.

@incognito50me I've tried grounding and taking away phones etc but not totally sure it worked.

We had a no phones in room at night rule but my teenager found a few ways around it. So sneaky. She said she was just watching stuff not messaging.

A couple of weeks ago I relented and said she could have her laptop to watch Netflix. I think it's worked. She watches until about 1am and is ok the next day.

Interesting last night she chose no devices as she was tired.

It's almost like now it's not prohibited it's lost it's thrill.

My first thought was to go bonkers and ground her but this played out differently

It's shit, isn't it.
Mine declared yesterday that she might go to her dad's new girlfriend's on Christmas Day so I won't get a full day with her now. New girlfriend is family she says. I fucking hate having to share my children with randoms.

I haven't found grounding or photography worked either. Not if I am picking my battles.
She has mental health issues. So treading carefully anyway.
It's an absolute nightmare. I have come to the conclusion to let her fail in her owm way and I will be here when she wants to pick up the peaces.

Can I have a sanity check here.

tomorrow is younger child’s birthday, as is customary in our house, we give them the day off school.

we are visiting a resteraunt that I know they’ll love and is often hard to get into on weekends.

Dh asked if preteen DD was coming I said no.

my reasons are - in this order-

1. she’s a dick to him year round.
2. she’ll be coming for the food not because she cares to celebrate with him.
3. She’s at senior now and I do admittedly feel differently about missing a day of high school comparative to primary given it’s not her bday.

Dh thinks I’m being mean “leaving her out”

3 would be my number 1 reason here.
Admittedly I wouldn't dream of taking a child out of school for a sibling birthday, but if I did, I would stop at senior school.
Does your DD mind and have you told her why?

She would rather come, but isn’t fighting me for it .. but Dh reaction making me wonder if I’m mean.

i understand others are much more firm in their feelings around attendance, we maintain a good %. And have never been fined (yet) but we pulll for birthdays and 2 x holidays py.

So. She’s downloaded TikTok and started a private account after I said no.

she also has her first boyfriend 😭😭😭

I hate it all.

@Desperateinseattle @Pleasegivemeyourwisdom
It comes from their friends treating each other like this.

Just had another argument with my daughter.
She is so selfish and has an excuse for everything.🤦‍♀️

@Newtonianmechanics , it is exasperating, isn't it? Especially when you can see exactly what they're doing and how they're working against their own best interest, and they stubbornly persevere.

Absolutely then expect us to feel sorry for them.

I find the lack of gratitude wearing!

Dd just flopped her mock exam in Biology. No revision and schools refusal. So not sure what I was expecting. She got 7 marks I think.
Maths tomorrow so probably fail that too. It's so hard.

Hi can I join this? Currently dealing with 2 teenagers with different issues and feeling like I'm failing all over the place! Dd1 (15) has anxiety, possible ND, currently waiting on an appointment with counselling after she came to me and admitted she had been self harming. I honestly don't know if I'm doing the right thing by her 99% of the time.

Ds2 is almost 18. He is distancing himself, obsessed with the gym and will sleep all day after being up half the night. He is constantly complaining that he's tired and shouldn't have to go to college or work. He is very selfish and materialistic.

We do not have the behaviour problems others seem to but still I'm struggling. As a pp said I don't think I'm cut out to parent teenagers!

I need to join if that’s ok. I’m a single mum to a 19 year old and we can’t talk to each other without falling out . I only want the best for him but he’s just very rude and unpleasant. We’ve just had another row and I told him that if he doesn’t want to live here he can move out. Now feel really bad but im fed up with his attitude towards working and just his general attitude. I work full time and my job is very stressful at the moment so I don’t think it’s helping but manners cost nothing and my son sees to have lost his .

Sorry seems not sees

Eugh

I hear you

it’s blooming exhausting isn’t it?

@Pleasegivemeyourwisdom I’m finding this the hardest part of being a mum . He’s gone back to caveman mode 😂