Just a friendly hand hold for any other mums of teens

[Pleasegivemeyourwisdom]

I've 3.

It's a 'journey'.

Just in case anyone wants to know another trying her best mum is thinking of them

Right, I’m arranging a virtual meet up in a fancy bar, who wants a drink? What you having (my treat 😂)

@Pleasegivemeyourwisdom I’ll have a large gin and tonic please!! I’m really struggling with my 19 year old. She seems to me to be exhibiting lots of signs of depression - huge weight gain, excessive eating, refusing to see friends, fear and anxiety in situations which previously wouldn’t have bothered her, no self esteem. My dad mentioned today that she seems to have no confidence and said she’s the complete opposite of the person she was before she went to uni. She used to be so happy and confident and sure of herself. I’ve tried to have the hard conversation and ask if she’s okay, I’ve noticed some things that are making me worry and if she ever wants to talk to me then I’m here or to a therapist then I would be happy to arrange that but she just blew up at me and said I was completely out of line for suggesting it and completely wrong. She’s got no friends, no money because she won’t work, I don’t know how she’s going to pay her rent next month. She doesn’t seem to care how much weight she puts on, she can’t even walk for 10 minutes because she says her knees start to hurt. She’s always signing and life just seems to be defeating her. She’s started picking at her skin, all over her body and she’s covered in scars. I think the over eating and the picking are almost like a form of self harm. I really want to help her but I don’t know how because she won’t admit there is anything wrong. I just feel totally lost and don’t know what to do.

I’m so sorry; your poor daughter, and poor you. I hope she is open to getting help, MH is a bar steward 😔

First post here trying to figure out if I am hormonal and totally reasonable.

I have 4 children and they snack constantly.

We have an airfryer which is going morning noon and night.

Returned from holidays and the thing has barely been off.

Am I unreasonable to not want pizzas, garlic bread, spring rolls, wedges, bloody goujons sticking up the house at midnight as I am sleeping.

Old house so the smell reached the top of the house.

Happy to be told I am unreasonable.

@Crocamoc I am so sorry, that sounds so hard.

I'll have a sangria please, hopefully that will help me pretend it's sunny. @Crocamoc I can totally relate to this but no advice because I don't know what I'm doing, I'm just winging it. Although I have a book called take my hand by Kerry Fisher and pat sowa (I think I've got the names right) which is about 2 mums with teens, one with cancer and one with mental health problems. I read my copy a lot when my 15 year old is struggling.

@billy1966 no you aren't being unreasonable. Can they be encouraged to eat less smelly snacks? I'm lucky in some ways that we are rural so my teens only really eat what I or dh buys. They do seem to go through bread and crisps at an alarming rate though.

@elliejjtiny thank you.

One part of me knows I am a grumpy unreasonable woman and the other part doesn't care.

I am definitely going to look at my freezer stock as it definitely too full of these foods despite me cooking healthily.

OMG, I could've written this post!
I actually started my own thread about my DS16 complaining of boredom, and it being my fault- despite the fact I'm constantly suggesting things for him to do.
He even told me that he prefers being at school.
My youngest (ds12, has started puberty) has friends that are part of families that are far more well off than me, they go on holidays abroad, on cruises, so I'm the worst mum in the world because I can't afford to take them away

Hello everyone 👋.
I have four children, ages 21 (although in many ways she's still a teenager) 19, 16 and 12.
This thread has been very helpful, mainly in knowing I'm not alone, or "the worst parent in the world"!

A kind poster commented on my thread that I might find some solace here. Off the back of this thread, I went to work as planned and at 5pm 12y messaged the older too were arguing and help. And then 15 year old left for an hour. I’ve rushed home, he is back and refusing to engage, 17 year old laying blame and verbally not helping.

I will make an effort to read through the thread. Hope it’s ok to
join.

background https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/teenagers/4871300-what-the-hell-did-i-do-to-deserve-such-a-ungrateful-family?page=2

Welcome @StColumbofNavron !!
we are a very supportive bunch here 😊

@Crocamoc Sorry for your daughter, sounds like university isn't good for her.

I'll have a pims and lemonade, fond memories of sunny evenings in pub gardens.
There is an ear cleaning device on Amazon which I will order for my 13 year old as he seems to be having serious hearing difficulties...

*Pimms

Hello all
Not been here for a bit, apologies.

We are 9 days until results day and both DD and I require medicating. They've already been in tears convinced they've funked maths, and so will have to resit and pause their chosen A'level picks for something else.

Meanwhile, we are moving house and entering a business all in one which after the last few years is brilliant but scary! DD is panicking down to this even though it was their idea in the first place
I told them about two years ago that when they left home I wanted to do something but their attitude then was, why wait, don't now Mum that sounds amazing. Now they're panicking.

Although I'm proud, they've finally got the courage to call our GP and ask for an appointment regards their MH and possible ND. They had a test at school through inclusion which pointed towards being on the spectrum. It does make sense, DS has Asperger's and there are pointers with DD that I shamefully didn't pick up on until I saw the program about girls with ASD by Christine McGuiness. It was a lightbulb moment.

But yes, results plus moving and other stress is causing anxiety.

Oh and for those struggling with teen girls who don't get what is mums go through and we aren't being mean all the time, take them to see Barbie

I wanted to hate it. I ended up crying! I won't say why but so did DD, who hugged me as we walked out. They've not done that in years! And when their dad was moaning at me she went off on one about "do you realise how much mum does here?" And " eugh, you could not be anymore man right now, how about make mum some coffee and stop going on". They then went off upstairs. Both us stood there, jaws on the floor

Hello everyone, I hope everyone is surviving the summer with their teens.

We’re on holiday in Italy, 5 of us including 16 year old dd who is ASD. Lots of ups and downs, I feel a bit miserable about the downs. But I suppose no arguments/meltdowns is over ambitious.

So many downs and a few lovely ups! I'd say 80% of my encounters with ds are grumpy atm. I know better than to ask what's wrong...

Posted many times about my 17 DD. Things are bad, really bad. I have no idea what to do. She ha zero respect - smokes in the house upstairs then denies it, leaves weed residue left all over the place. I am not a cool mum who just accepts this. I cannot continue to live here with her. She doesn't care about ANY rules and basically the only time she talks to me is to get money (I don't give her any now). She blocks me on her phone , which I pay for, she's failing at school. She is deeply unpleasant to be with and I don't like her one bit at the moment. I am so stressed and upset about it all. I feel like I am on the verge of a breakdown as it has been like this for so long. She has seen a psychologist for months on end, we have had sessions together. She doesn't care and I honestly believe she would rejoice if I was dead ! It's a deeply tragic situation which is seriously impacting all aspects of my life. Thank you for reading

@belge2 that's really hard.

Do you have other family members or just the 2 of you?

Any idea why it started? Maybe weed?

@wickermum she has an older brother 19 who is about to go to Uni. He's great but fed up with all the drama understandably. Also another older brother who is in Asia for now. Husband (father) is as good as useless which is a whole other story. She lies, is deeply horrible to me and refuses to do anything with the family, even nice stuff like going out for a meal which she enjoys normally. She's gone off the rails and I have no Hope in getting her back on them.

And no idea why ... sure weed has a lot to do with it together with unsuitable friends. Some of her friends are lovely but I think there are lots of them who i don't know. All she wants to do is go out, makeup etc. I know this is normal teenage behaviour, I get that. But this is extreme to the extent she walks out the house as soon as I walk in. Can't speak civilly for 1 sentence. If I say be home by 11.30/12 whatever time I say, she makes a point of NOT coming home at that time , ever. There's no love, no respect, total refusal to engage with me particularly. It's ironic as I am the one who has done everything for her when she was younger. I am now NOT doing stuff for her. The bare minimum. Sorry for the rant, just so so upset and worried. I want to fix it and for us actually to have a relationship (like we used to before the teen years hit)

Oh @belge2 that sounds so hard. I have no words of wisdom I am afraid.

Yeah that does sound really shit. I am trying to think of something helpful. Don't apologise for ranting here though. That's what this thread is for

Aw man, sounds so hard 😧

this may be left field; but could she be on the spectrum and this is pathological demand avoidance??

thinking out loud….

sending my squishiest hugs. Sorry your daughter is being so horrendous. You don’t deserve that. You really don’t

I am so grateful I found this group! My DD is 17 and lovely but really struggling with her mental health, especially after a toxic relationship and breakup. I am menopausal and taking everything far too personally, I am so worried about her and it takes nothing at all to make me cry these days which is very annoying! It is so good to know that it’s not just me and that she will most probably be absolutely fine, thank you all! x

Please god let the holidays be over soon . My eldest is being vile really rude, lying in bed all day, pretty sure he's smoking weed when out with his mates, has done zero school work (despite having to resit his first year of A levels fairly soon!) and just loading around being foul mouthed and bad tempered. I feel so totally disconnected from him it's really heartbreaking but all too aware our conversations are limited to nagging or telling off which isn't healthy but not sure how to break the cycle. I think spending some time together would be great, but it's really hard to reward with treats when they're being so awful and honestly, it just feels like we'd end up arguing.

My youngest (who is normally ok) has been glued to a screen most of holidays as I've been out at work & this is the first year I've felt he was old enough to leave but he's totally addicted and a complete horror so I've imposed a screen detox for a week and will see how that goes. We've had the door slamming and anger but 3 days in he's calmed down and went out with some mates yesterday and made dinner which is more than he's done all holidays

Only another week or 2 to go hang in there if you're struggling.