Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

What would you do if you heard ds17 having sex

300 replies

superdo · 21/03/2022 21:56

Just that really. He's been with his girlfriend 3 months, he's 17 (18 in may) she was 18 last month.
She's comes over 4-5 times a week and sometimes stays in a Saturday night.
They sit in his room and watch tv.

I'm in bed next door to ds. I thought I heard the bed quietly banging, then dh messaged me from downstairs saying he'd just heard them having sex, he heard the bed. Obviously he's not happy about it and neither am I.

I've just texted ds didn't want to go in and told him what we heard. He's denied it.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Susu49 · 21/03/2022 22:00

Nothing.

He isn't doing anything illegal. Hopefully he'll be quieter next time.

Change123today · 21/03/2022 22:01

Tell him to fix the bed?

picklesandrhyme · 21/03/2022 22:01

Tell them to be quieter? I am
Sure he was just as mortified. But of course they are having sex, they are in a relationship. At least they are somewhere safe, not sure what the alternative is!

Libertynan · 21/03/2022 22:01

He' s old enough to do it. Whether you want him to be a bit quieter is another matter .

LovelyQuiche · 21/03/2022 22:01

Not happy they had sex or not happy you heard it?

Original poster
superdo · 21/03/2022 22:03

I know he's doing nothing illegal I just think it's a bit disrespectful when he knows I'm the next room.

So your telling me you wouldn't mind hearing your son have sex on the room next to you!

OP posts:
Justalittlebitfurther · 21/03/2022 22:03

Where do you want them to do it?? I know it’s not very nice to have to listen to your DC but do you want them to do it in the car or be in a safe space. They are going to do it whatever you say.

My best advice would be to buy noise cancelling headphones for you!

Mischance · 21/03/2022 22:03

If you do not want them to do it in your house then you must tell him. But rest assured he will be doing it somewhere!

sofakingcool · 21/03/2022 22:03

I wouldn't do anything (mum of 2 teenage boys - inc an 18 yr old)

It's their business. Unless you mean you weren't happy you could hear it? Rather than unhappy they are having sex?

I wouldn't be impressed if I could hear it, probably wouldn't say anything though

Mischance · 21/03/2022 22:04

He probably had to listen to you doing it!

Susu49 · 21/03/2022 22:04

Well...presumably you and your DH have had sex while DS has been in the next room?

Why's it different?

Thehonestybox · 21/03/2022 22:05

Immense embarrassment for everyone involved...but we've all been there in one way or another.

I'd start making it clear when I'll be out the house for a few hours and hope they get the hint not to subject us to it

HotPenguin · 21/03/2022 22:05

I would just ignore it to be honest or put the radio on. Do you want him to feel bad about having sex in his own bedroom?

Doyoumind · 21/03/2022 22:05

I think you need to get over it however uncomfortable it is for you. I imagine you've never had sex whilst he's been in the house?

ididntevennotice · 21/03/2022 22:06

know he's doing nothing illegal I just think it's a bit disrespectful when he knows I'm the next room.

People always say it's disrespectful but nobody ever seems to be able to say why...

So your telling me you wouldn't mind hearing your son have sex on the room next to you!

Yes I would mind. I would tell him to keep it down, or move the bed a bit or wherever would solve the problem, much in the same way I would say to turn loud music down.

Blueberryflavour · 21/03/2022 22:07

What did you think his GF was staying on a Saturday night for, lying chastely side by side holding hands?

IntendingWell · 21/03/2022 22:08

I would ignore it and certainly wouldn't text him about it but obviously everyone has different feelings on what they find acceptable. As an 18 year old my mum shamed and humiliated me for having sex in 'her home' and it really damaged our relationship.

Fiddlersgreen · 21/03/2022 22:09

They are old enough to have sex, just make sure they have contraception.

What is it you are “not happy” about, them having sex or you hearing it?

I think I would just ask DS to make sure they are quieter next time, seeing as you’ve already alerted him to the fact you heard them

DrWankincense · 21/03/2022 22:09

Ignore it.
Instead of finding it disrespectful (assuming they were trying to be discreet and not screaming the place down) I'd actually feel quite good that they felt safe and comfortable enough in your home to be intimate.
Not saying I'd be happy to hear, it's awkward for sure. What's the alternative though?

ChocolateRiver · 21/03/2022 22:13

It’s not nice to listen to and they need to try to be quieter, but I’m not really sure what you thought they were up to. If you find it that disrespectful don’t let her stay over.

Original poster
superdo · 21/03/2022 22:14

I know they have sex in his room he's admitted it to me. He said it's when we are asleep that's why I've never heard him.

The fact I've just heard him and he knows I'm awake in my room reading is what I'm not happy about.

DH on the other hand is not happy about any of it says I need to put a stop to it. Doesn't want it happening in the house when we have 2 sleeping toddlers.
He's not ds dad if that makes any difference, so he's not understanding like I am when it comes to ds

OP posts:
Flippy87 · 21/03/2022 22:15

Turn the tv/music up/put earplugs in

DrWankincense · 21/03/2022 22:18

Well the toddlers are a bit of a drip feed but they are hardly likely to know what they are up to?

justasking111 · 21/03/2022 22:18

I warned DS that because his bedroom was over the sitting room we could hear every creak. He and gf visit from university . I think he took the hint. 😁

Susu49 · 21/03/2022 22:18

I think both you and your dh are being a bit unreasonable. I can completely understand not wanting toddlers to hear but (a) a bit of bed banging isn't sex noises (b) it was a one off. Don't overreact.

Ask him move the bed away from the wall, stick a pillow there, play some music etc.

If either of then start moaning or grunting loudly, then you have more of a leg to stand on!