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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

What would you do if you heard ds17 having sex

300 replies

superdo · 21/03/2022 21:56

Just that really. He's been with his girlfriend 3 months, he's 17 (18 in may) she was 18 last month.
She's comes over 4-5 times a week and sometimes stays in a Saturday night.
They sit in his room and watch tv.

I'm in bed next door to ds. I thought I heard the bed quietly banging, then dh messaged me from downstairs saying he'd just heard them having sex, he heard the bed. Obviously he's not happy about it and neither am I.

I've just texted ds didn't want to go in and told him what we heard. He's denied it.

What would you do?

OP posts:
tkwal · 21/03/2022 23:07

Until you mentioned the toddlers I thought you might be over reacting. If there's a chance your son could have woken them I wouldn't have been amused either. If you DH is upset I suggest he has a quiet word himself rather than expecting you to "put a stop to it"

janeseymour78 · 21/03/2022 23:08

@Blossom64265

I wouldn’t have my 17yo hosting a romantic partner in the bedroom in the first place.

You sanctioned the location and the sleepovers. What did you expect to happen?

Where would you prefer they slept together then? The local park?
JesusSufferingFuck22 · 21/03/2022 23:10

Put headphones in. If they are not screaming yes, yes, yes and oh god oh god and it's just a squeaky bed you have to deal with you're getting off lightly.
Fortunately my ds is not with that particular girlfriend anymoreBlush

Hertsgirl10 · 21/03/2022 23:11

Is your DH always such a control freak?

NoSquirrels · 21/03/2022 23:11

Eurgh, sorry, poor you!

Everyone is right no crime has been committed but it’s made it uncomfortable for 2 members of the household so it’s fair enough he knows to be more bloody discreet next time!

I wouldn’t ‘do anything else about it’ though. You’ve told him you could hear & DH could hear. Leave it be now. Discuss it at a time when the GF isn’t there if you really must.

Quatrophoenix · 21/03/2022 23:11

I would definitely be unhappy about this.

He should only have sex at her house.

Or in a wood.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 21/03/2022 23:12

Tell your dh that ds probably didn't like the idea of his mum having sex with a step dad in the next room to him either

DivorcedAndDelighted · 21/03/2022 23:13

Eh? He's 17; why on earth shouldn't he be having sex?
I have 3 sons older than that and have, on occasion, heard things going on. So what? If it's causing a disturbance just raise an eyebrow and tell him to keep it down a bit. The embarrassment of that is enough to have an effect!

ManateeFair · 21/03/2022 23:15

I wouldn’t care that they were having sex. I would pointedly suggest that they were a lot quieter about it, though.

I suspect that now he knows you heard him, he will keep it more quiet from now on. He’s probably mortified.

Chloemol · 21/03/2022 23:17

It’s time for a conversation about boundaries and rules

You and dh need to be on the same page, so you either agree he can have sex at yours, or he cants

Once agreed tell your son these are the rules

End of story

Thewindwhispers · 21/03/2022 23:18

Bit disrespectful if he’s having loud sex with you and toddlers and DP in house. Can’t he work out how to have quiet sex? I bet if you banned sex in your house he’d figure it out fast. But I’m not suggesting that!

Anyway - when I was 17 if my bf was over on a Saturday my parents used to say pointedly “We’re going out to the park, we’ll be back in more than one hour.” We did it while they were out, they assumed we did but didn’t have to know we did, and no one was having to listen in or discuss sex at all. Worked well.

YvanEhtNiojYvanEhtNioj · 21/03/2022 23:20

@Hopefullyoneday12

I think you're being silly. They are teenagers and doing what teenagers do. It's natural and normal. I had sex with my parents in the house at that age too.

If anything, buy some condoms and make sure teenager knows where they are.

I had sex with my parents

You should have phrased this differently.

Lightupmynorthernsky · 21/03/2022 23:20

It’s always an unpopular comment but I wouldn’t be happy. After a full day at work etc I’m knackered and like some peace and quiet and time to potter around the house. If any dc want to have sex they can go to their bf/gf house. The amount of threads where dcs gf/bf moves in by stealth and they don’t contribute or are a nightmare and need shifting usually starts with staying over for one night. Then two. Then they don’t leave.

ManateeFair · 21/03/2022 23:21

I wouldn’t have my 17yo hosting a romantic partner in the bedroom in the first place.

Where else would they host them?! Would you expect your 17yo and their boy/girlfriend to sit in the living room with you all evening, making polite family-friendly conversation?

Also you do realise people don’t have to spend the night together to have sex? So whether or not the OP allows sleepovers is immaterial. I’m pretty sure they can also have a shag before one of them goes home.

MistySkiesAfterRain · 21/03/2022 23:21

I can assure you toddlers would have no idea what is going on. I heard my parents when I was 5 and I knocked on the door to ask if DM was ok! I thought it was something like cramp.

MistySkiesAfterRain · 21/03/2022 23:22

I'm not saying its ok to be noisy but its not the end of the world if they do it quietly.

ididntevennotice · 21/03/2022 23:22

@YvanEhtNiojYvanEhtNioj

I just spat out the proverbial tea

LoveFall · 21/03/2022 23:23

I would probably do nothing.

I did worse decades ago and walked in on DS and his girlfriend. They were 18.

I had been home from work for a good hour and was collecting laundry from the bedrooms. Big OOPS. I shut the door as fast as I could and hightailed it back upstairs.

Poor kids, they came upstairs and apologized. I told them was I who should apologize.

ManateeFair · 21/03/2022 23:24

After a full day at work etc I’m knackered and like some peace and quiet and time to potter around the house. If any dc want to have sex they can go to their bf/gf house.

What if the bf/gf’s parents don’t want your kid there either?

Kind of easy to tell who on this thread are going to become the subjects of all the ‘My MIL is a bloody nightmare’ threads in a decade’s time, I feel.

mellicauli · 21/03/2022 23:24

@EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall

Tell your dh that ds probably didn't like the idea of his mum having sex with a step dad in the next room to him either
Yes. And clutching your pearls about have sex because you have toddlers is ridiculous. I mean, you do it, don't you?

17 year olds are horny and inconsiderate. Parents of 17 year olds are uptight and grumpy. 'Twas ever thus and that's why he will move out soon.

D0lphine · 21/03/2022 23:24

@superdo

I know they have sex in his room he's admitted it to me. He said it's when we are asleep that's why I've never heard him.

The fact I've just heard him and he knows I'm awake in my room reading is what I'm not happy about.

DH on the other hand is not happy about any of it says I need to put a stop to it. Doesn't want it happening in the house when we have 2 sleeping toddlers.
He's not ds dad if that makes any difference, so he's not understanding like I am when it comes to ds

There's nothing to "admit". He is 17 and has sex with his gf. No biggie.

Ask him to play music and be a bit quieter. I'm sure he'll be fine with that.

Summerfun54321 · 21/03/2022 23:27

Your DS doesn’t want to hear you and your DH having sex either I expect. Does that mean you shouldn’t have sex in the house as well? If you don’t want his girlfriend round then say so, but giving her full access to his bedroom then texting and telling him off for the inevitable is painfully awkward.

burnthur5t · 21/03/2022 23:27

Why is the g/f always at your's? Can't they go to her's for a change?

Shunter350 · 21/03/2022 23:28

I was always worried about the time when my kids started having sex..
But I know they are safe in the family home and that's all that matters.
It's strange what one gets used to.

perimenofertility · 21/03/2022 23:28

"I've just texted ds didn't want to go in and told him what we heard. He's denied it."

Good god, what a way to make things awkward! What were you hoping for in response to this? That the two of them might come into your room to apologise? I would have waited a couple of days and then had a word with him about keeping the noise down because the walls are thin and you can hear everything. I would have said noise and not mentioned sex. They are both consenting adults so the issue here is only consideration for not disturbing others.