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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

What would you do if you heard ds17 having sex

300 replies

superdo · 21/03/2022 21:56

Just that really. He's been with his girlfriend 3 months, he's 17 (18 in may) she was 18 last month.
She's comes over 4-5 times a week and sometimes stays in a Saturday night.
They sit in his room and watch tv.

I'm in bed next door to ds. I thought I heard the bed quietly banging, then dh messaged me from downstairs saying he'd just heard them having sex, he heard the bed. Obviously he's not happy about it and neither am I.

I've just texted ds didn't want to go in and told him what we heard. He's denied it.

What would you do?

OP posts:
katicomps · 21/03/2022 22:43

That's such a surprisingly prude response from someone named ballsdeep.

Susu49 · 21/03/2022 22:45

@katicomps

That's such a surprisingly prude response from someone named ballsdeep.
🤣
SophieSoSo · 21/03/2022 22:49

@ThenAgainMaybeIWont

lol. So many 'cool mums' on here

I have two teens. They would immediately be told to just bloody stop and I'd be very clear that I didn't want to hear them having sex again.

You would actually shame your over the age of consent teenage like that? Wow.
converseandjeans · 21/03/2022 22:49

So does DH think it's ok for him to have sex with toddlers in the house - or do you have to go elsewhere?

I think he's being controlling. I wouldn't want to hear it either but at least they're a couple & old enough.

What did DH think they were up to?

converseandjeans · 21/03/2022 22:50

Also finding it hilarious that someone with username ballsdeep is being a prude.

Benjispruce5 · 21/03/2022 22:50

Well, I wouldn’t have sent a text while they were both in the room, that’s just embarrassing for them both.
I do agree that it’s not really on to be doing it while you’re all still up. I’d rather they didn’t do it while I’m in the house. Grin

AlwaysLatte · 21/03/2022 22:52

I think I would take the opportunity to discover some nice pubs and restaurants nearby on the evenings she comes over!
And get some noise cancelling headphones for when you get back. Also see if you can fix/move the bed to stop it making a noise.

Bohemianwannabe · 21/03/2022 22:54

Have you never had sex whilst your son was in the house? He is above the legal age there is no issue it is not disrespectful in his own room where would you rather they go in the back of a car? Ignore it like they probably ignore you. Unless of course it involves screaming then say something.

GrazingSheep · 21/03/2022 22:55

He's not ds dad if that makes any difference, so he's not understanding like I am when it comes to ds

There you have it really.

Waterfallgirl · 21/03/2022 22:57

@Fiddlersgreen

“He's not ds dad if that makes any difference, so he's not understanding like I am when it comes to ds”

I find this really sad. Your DS cannot be himself and be comfortable in his own home because your DH is not “understanding” of him. Awful

I think this too.

Plus you had to text him to ‘warn’ him your DH isn’t happy. That makes me so sad. Poor lad.

Your DH should be as understanding as you - why does being a step dad give him permission to be less than understanding when it comes to DS?

BanjoKnickers · 21/03/2022 22:58

I not at all. I'm not the one saying that dh is

In one of the Mumsnet stock phrases I generally dislike: you've got a darling-husband problem.

Blanketpolicy · 21/03/2022 22:58

I have an 18 year old ds and wouldnt like to hear him, or be aware of when he was, having sex a few metres away from me either.

I would buy him a sturdier bed, a lock for his door and tell him to be a bit more discreet.

I texted him to warn him dh had heard it and wouldn't be happy about it.

Why? Are you both afraid of your dhs reaction or does your dh not let parent your own child?

ssd · 21/03/2022 23:00

@AnyFucker

Just tell him him to pipe down
I'd be telling her dh to pipe down, the son is doing nothing wrong in his own homem
HiCandles · 21/03/2022 23:00

He's doing nothing wrong to have sex in his own home with a consenting partner. I really think you shouldn't have told him what your DH said, that's going to make him feel ashamed and cause tension between him. It's your role to explain to your DH that's it's your son's home too and he can't dictate what another adult does. He can ask not to have to hear it so I would have privately spoken to DS once girlfriend gone home to ask them to be quieter.

Porridgealert · 21/03/2022 23:03

It might be his room but it's my house and I didn't permit that. When my children left home, they could do as they pleased, but my house was not a knocking shop for one night stands or three month relationships.

Norgie · 21/03/2022 23:03

I'd just hope that he used the durex I bought him and tell him to quieten down.
Or at least that's what I did when my then 17 yr old was banging the headboard.
Put him right off his stroke apparently 😂

Blossom64265 · 21/03/2022 23:03

I wouldn’t have my 17yo hosting a romantic partner in the bedroom in the first place.

You sanctioned the location and the sleepovers. What did you expect to happen?

BeHappy91818 · 21/03/2022 23:04

Tell him to be quieter and more discreet and if he can’t manage that then his gf can stop staying around.

CookieMunch · 21/03/2022 23:05

We’ll this was handled more immaturely by the adults than the teenagers.

Does your DH often have an attitude problem towards your DS?

Silversprinkles · 21/03/2022 23:05

You had to warn your son that your DH "wasn't happy"? Do you all tiptoe round what he wants? ConfusedHmm I'm getting controlling DH vibes. He's the issue, not your pretty much adult son.

Your son probably can't bloody wait to move out.

CookieMunch · 21/03/2022 23:05

*Well

Babyroobs · 21/03/2022 23:05

Heard the bed squeaking a lot with my 20 year old ds and his gf last weekend. I just turn my music up a bit louder.

musicviking1 · 21/03/2022 23:06

I wouldn't do anything, it wouldn't offend me. You all sound controlled by your DH, now that is something I'd nip in the bud.

janeseymour78 · 21/03/2022 23:06

@katicomps

That's such a surprisingly prude response from someone named ballsdeep.
Had the same thought 😬

As someone who was a teenager just barely ten years ago and can just about recall the experience...I have to laugh out loud at all these people thinking they should be good little teens and wait until parents are out to shag.

They are teens - horny, hormonal teens. They don't have the restraint! Plus seemingly my parents and bf's parents were always home...

The bed/proximity to the wall is the issue. Secondly, I'd become resentful of a mother who let her husband call the shots about this stuff. He sounds like a prude - going on about toddlers in the house you sound like they're doing something sinful and should be down at confession toot suite. You've made it clear you can hear so they can at least be mindful. Happens again? Deal with the bed.

PutinSmellsPassItOn · 21/03/2022 23:06

Tell him to put a pillow behind the headboard.