Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

What would you do if you heard ds17 having sex

300 replies

superdo · 21/03/2022 21:56

Just that really. He's been with his girlfriend 3 months, he's 17 (18 in may) she was 18 last month.
She's comes over 4-5 times a week and sometimes stays in a Saturday night.
They sit in his room and watch tv.

I'm in bed next door to ds. I thought I heard the bed quietly banging, then dh messaged me from downstairs saying he'd just heard them having sex, he heard the bed. Obviously he's not happy about it and neither am I.

I've just texted ds didn't want to go in and told him what we heard. He's denied it.

What would you do?

OP posts:
daisyjgrey · 22/03/2022 19:14

@Blossom64265

Note that while the girlfriends parents don’t allow bedroom visits or sleepovers, no one seems to be castigating them.

You're right.

The girlfriends parents are also being ridiculous. Everyone is being ridiculous.

DivorcedAndDelighted · 22/03/2022 21:32

@thingymaboob

Why is it disrespectful? How does two people of appropriate age having sex in his room disrespect you? It's a perfectly normal, healthy activity. It would be disrespectful if they were having sex in your bed, maybe but his room is his private space.
Exactly, well said.
DivorcedAndDelighted · 22/03/2022 21:44

This ‘cool mums’ jibe always pisses me off. The implication is that we all deep down agree with the poster, but we’re not admitting it. So this isn’t a contribution to the discussion - it’s just a playground snark. “I’m right and you know it. Turn round, touch the ground and no returns.”

You know, it is possible for people to hold different views to yours, to run their lives differently to yours, to apply parenting differently to you for exactly the same reasons as you do what you do - that is, they’ve thought about it and made decisions about what is reasonable and responsible and loving and right.

Which, incidentally, is a very cool thing to do. You’ve done it You’ve made those decisions. You’re a cool mum.

Great comment @WalkingOnTheCracks. When I see a "cool mums" dig, I know there's unlikely to be a reasoned argument in the post.

BurbageBrook · 22/03/2022 21:48

You have both overreacted and your DH is a prize twat. Poor DS.

Justmuddlingalong · 22/03/2022 22:00

I find your DH's comments kind of unsettling. Is him being the only man in the house having sex important to him? Is your DS being sexually active a threat to his masculinity somehow?

jamandmarmaladeoncrumpets · 23/03/2022 00:15

I think your husband doesn't like your son.

Could you suggest that your husband finds himself a flat?

Malibuismysecrethome · 23/03/2022 09:32

I think this has escalated if it is suggested the DH gets a flat. Why can’t the DS and girlfriend get somewhere private? Why should someone be uncomfortable in their own home. Presumably the DH in question is allowed to express his discomfort and concern for toddlers. Even if his ideas are okd fashioned he is entitled to them.

daisyjgrey · 23/03/2022 09:47

@Malibuismysecrethome

I think this has escalated if it is suggested the DH gets a flat. Why can’t the DS and girlfriend get somewhere private? Why should someone be uncomfortable in their own home. Presumably the DH in question is allowed to express his discomfort and concern for toddlers. Even if his ideas are okd fashioned he is entitled to them.

The idea that he's basing his ridiculous "discomfort" because there are toddlers in the house, toddlers which presumably are also in the house when he has sex with his partner, and are not I assume sharing a room with the 17 year old and his girlfriend is a bit of a reach.

The whole thing is bloody weird.

LadyPropane · 23/03/2022 09:53

Well, this has all taken a very weird turn... Does your DH hate your son? Wtf is going on in your house?!

I feel sorry for your DS. He must be picking up on all this nasty shit from his Dad. It's good that you're there to stick up for him.

BellatrixOnABadDay · 23/03/2022 10:02

@Malibuismysecrethome

I think this has escalated if it is suggested the DH gets a flat. Why can’t the DS and girlfriend get somewhere private? Why should someone be uncomfortable in their own home. Presumably the DH in question is allowed to express his discomfort and concern for toddlers. Even if his ideas are okd fashioned he is entitled to them.
Concern for toddlers, fgs how ridiculous. By that standard he should never have sex himself. Unless the very nearly 18 year old is indeed being disrespectful, not keeping the noise down, what on earth is there to be concerned about? Clearly no concern on the part of the parents for the teenager when the toddlers were conceived, was there! I wonder why, maybe because if consenting, legal age people are being discreet and having sex in private there is nothing to actually be concerned about? 🤔
gingercat02 · 23/03/2022 10:11

@superdo

I know he's doing nothing illegal I just think it's a bit disrespectful when he knows I'm the next room.

So your telling me you wouldn't mind hearing your son have sex on the room next to you!

Do you never have sex when he's in the house/next room?
shinynewapple22 · 23/03/2022 19:20

I would tell him they need to be a bit quieter ! Surprised they didn't stick the TV or music on to cover the noise though ! (I would speak to him alone though - I wouldn't embarrass his GF)

Silversprinkles · 24/03/2022 11:33

@ididntevennotice

He's quite "old fashioned" with parenting. He likes to think he's the only man of the house and what he says goes but it doesn't happen like that

He isn't old fashioned, he is a controlling cunt of a man. I suggested last night this was about him feeling threatened by not being the only man in the house. I didn't realise you already knew it. Why on earth are you maintaining any sort of relationship with someone like this?

That's my thoughts too. You definitely have a DH problem.

JaneIsInsane · 24/03/2022 21:48

And no , me and my husband don't shag when my teenage daughter is awake. That's rude and tacky.
Grin Do you actually have teenagers? If we waited until our teenagers were asleep, we’d only ever shag at 2am! Sod that!

WalkingOnTheCracks · 25/03/2022 10:21

@Blossom64265

Note that while the girlfriends parents don’t allow bedroom visits or sleepovers, no one seems to be castigating them.
If they hapoen by, we’ll address that omission.
WalkingOnTheCracks · 25/03/2022 10:25

And no , me and my husband don't shag when my teenage daughter is awake. That's rude and tacky

These words keep getting trotted out, but there’s no sypporting argument?

In what way is it ‘rude’? What or who is being disrespected, and how is it an expression of disrespect? In what sense ‘tacky’?

BrokenRecords · 25/03/2022 10:40

The joys of parenthood, what can you do. Laugh it off and tell him to buy some condoms, your too young to be a grandparent .

Malibuismysecrethome · 25/03/2022 11:07

It is rude and disrespectful to subject others the the sounds of sex if it makes them uncomfortable.
If they fancy a shag on the sofa while everyone is watching tv is that ok as well. It’s just about good manners and their wants and needs dont trump the rest of the family. They can always go somewhere private, get a flat, a room or house sit.

WalkingOnTheCracks · 25/03/2022 11:31

@Malibuismysecrethome

It is rude and disrespectful to subject others the the sounds of sex if it makes them uncomfortable. If they fancy a shag on the sofa while everyone is watching tv is that ok as well. It’s just about good manners and their wants and needs dont trump the rest of the family. They can always go somewhere private, get a flat, a room or house sit.
Well, if the op tells them it makes her uncomfortable, then they might do something about it. Otherwise, how will they know?

And although their wants and needs don't trumo the rest of the family, they should be accommodated by the rest of the family - as everyone's should.

Incidentally, given property prices and rents, if today's teenagers have to wait until they get a flat to have sex, the UK should be totally deserted within about twenty years.

cansu · 26/03/2022 21:16

FGS He is nearly 18. the toddlers are hardly likely to be affected. I assume you have had sex while he was in the next room.

Parkmama · 26/03/2022 22:31

@Susu49

Well...presumably you and your DH have had sex while DS has been in the next room?

Why's it different?

This!
DivorcedAndDelighted · 26/03/2022 22:50

@Malibuismysecrethome

It is rude and disrespectful to subject others the the sounds of sex if it makes them uncomfortable. If they fancy a shag on the sofa while everyone is watching tv is that ok as well. It’s just about good manners and their wants and needs dont trump the rest of the family. They can always go somewhere private, get a flat, a room or house sit.
Presumably they could just put some music on and keep things quiet, like most people would when shagging in a shared home.
jamandmarmaladeoncrumpets · 26/03/2022 23:49

Could you put some ear muffs on the toddlers and hubby whilst DS and girlfriend are in flagrante delicto?

Or you could just bang the ceiling with a broom handle if they get too carried away?

HotChoc10 · 27/03/2022 07:26

I haven't read the thread so I'm sure this has been said a thousand times but you are being absolutely ridiculous.

I assume you've never had sex in your bedroom, in the room next to his, because that would be disrespectful?

Darbs76 · 27/03/2022 07:51

Sounds like the bigger problem is your DH. Yes he’s entitled to an opinion on the girlfriend staying over etc but he’s not his father and shouldn’t be forcing his opinion. It’s not your DS’s fault you’ve got teens and toddlers. Hopefully he will be quieter but I’d be telling DP that yes good idea and you will look for a flat, for him not your DS

New posts on this thread. Refresh page