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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

What would you do if you heard ds17 having sex

300 replies

superdo · 21/03/2022 21:56

Just that really. He's been with his girlfriend 3 months, he's 17 (18 in may) she was 18 last month.
She's comes over 4-5 times a week and sometimes stays in a Saturday night.
They sit in his room and watch tv.

I'm in bed next door to ds. I thought I heard the bed quietly banging, then dh messaged me from downstairs saying he'd just heard them having sex, he heard the bed. Obviously he's not happy about it and neither am I.

I've just texted ds didn't want to go in and told him what we heard. He's denied it.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Regularsizedrudy · 21/03/2022 22:18

Oh my god why did you text him?!
What do you want him to do? Pop in to check you are asleep beforehand? Given his half siblings were likely conceived metres away from him I think it’s a bit rich to expect a vow of chastity

toomuchlaundry · 21/03/2022 22:22

If you have a nearly 18yo in the house, do you expect him to abstain until the toddlers are grown up? Something you should have thought about when you have such a large age gap between your DC

Original poster
superdo · 21/03/2022 22:25

@Regularsizedrudy

Oh my god why did you text him?! What do you want him to do? Pop in to check you are asleep beforehand? Given his half siblings were likely conceived metres away from him I think it’s a bit rich to expect a vow of chastity
I texted him to warn him dh had heard it and wouldn't be happy about it. He's never been happy about his girlfriend staying over. No I don't expect him to check if I'm asleep but he knew I'd just got in bed so knew I'd be awake!
OP posts:
Original poster
superdo · 21/03/2022 22:26

@toomuchlaundry

If you have a nearly 18yo in the house, do you expect him to abstain until the toddlers are grown up? Something you should have thought about when you have such a large age gap between your DC
I not at all. I'm not the one saying that dh is
OP posts:
ididntevennotice · 21/03/2022 22:27

DH on the other hand is not happy about any of it says I need to put a stop to it. Doesn't want it happening in the house when we have 2 sleeping toddlers.

This is a bit strange. Firstly, the toddlers are asleep. Secondly - do you never have sex when your children are asleep?

He's not ds dad if that makes any difference,

It was obvious. Is your DH usually 'against' your son? Does he normally butt heads with him? Do you think he is struggling with the idea of not being the only 'man' in the house?

JaneJeffer · 21/03/2022 22:27

Your DH needs to calm down.

PandoraVictoria · 21/03/2022 22:28

When my dd started having her bf to stay over at a similar age, I told her that as long as she was using proper protection and that I didn't hear or see anything then what she got up to was her private business.

Sympathises OP - it's a shock when it's the first time you're forced to acknowledge that your child has become a sexually active young adult!

toomuchlaundry · 21/03/2022 22:29

But I assume your DH was involved with making the toddlers! Does he want your DS to move out?

Fiddlersgreen · 21/03/2022 22:29

“He's not ds dad if that makes any difference, so he's not understanding like I am when it comes to ds”

I find this really sad. Your DS cannot be himself and be comfortable in his own home because your DH is not “understanding” of him. Awful

Creameggs223 · 21/03/2022 22:29

@superdo

I know he's doing nothing illegal I just think it's a bit disrespectful when he knows I'm the next room.

So your telling me you wouldn't mind hearing your son have sex on the room next to you!

Wonder if ds has ever heard you and his dad having sex. Tell him to keep the noise down and stick a pillow behind the headboard. Not much else you can do unless your gonna put a sex bann on them.
AnyFucker · 21/03/2022 22:30

Just tell him him to pipe down

katicomps · 21/03/2022 22:33

What's the issue with the toddlers hearing it? If they heard any banging, giggling or oohing and ahhing, they aren't going to equate that to shagging and will be none the wiser. They have absolutely no awareness!
Millions of people the world over have had sex with very young children either in the same room or a measly walls width away, get a grip.

Creameggs223 · 21/03/2022 22:34

O dh doesn't want them having sex because toddlers are in the house off course that makes sense, I take it you and dh have given up on sex then aswell!

FangsForTheMemory · 21/03/2022 22:37

@superdo

I know he's doing nothing illegal I just think it's a bit disrespectful when he knows I'm the next room.

So your telling me you wouldn't mind hearing your son have sex on the room next to you!

'Disrespectful'? Sorry, but that made my snort. I think you need to change your attitude a bit.
cttd1 · 21/03/2022 22:37

Your husband isn't your sons dad so maybe you should take control of the situation and be the one calling the shots with your son. He's 18, with a girlfriend... at home. At least he's not bringing back a different girl every weekend. You found have just had a word with your son and told DH it was something else... your son would have probably appreciated that more

Hopefullyoneday12 · 21/03/2022 22:37

I think you're being silly. They are teenagers and doing what teenagers do. It's natural and normal.
I had sex with my parents in the house at that age too.

If anything, buy some condoms and make sure teenager knows where they are.

Calandor · 21/03/2022 22:38

Ignore it or ask him to keep it down next time. They're pretty much 18. Adults in a consenting relationship who don't have their own space yet.

Comfortableatlast · 21/03/2022 22:38

DS did this to me, in a we are teens we have just discovered sex over the rest of the world sort of way, I tipped DH off, when we reckoned they were on the cusp of sleep, we gave them a round of applause.

She stayed over many times after, we never heard a thing. Grin

Thenose · 21/03/2022 22:38

"I texted him to warn him dh had heard it and wouldn't be happy about it."

Why? What's it got to do with him Confused? Your DH sounds like a dick.

Sherrystrull · 21/03/2022 22:38

Your DH is out of order.

Calandor · 21/03/2022 22:38

Oh and suggest the pillow behind the bed frame back

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 21/03/2022 22:40

@Blueberryflavour

What did you think his GF was staying on a Saturday night for, lying chastely side by side holding hands?
Exactly Grin

Bang on the wall and tell them to keep it down.

bumpytrumpy · 21/03/2022 22:41

@Thenose

"I texted him to warn him dh had heard it and wouldn't be happy about it."

Why? What's it got to do with him Confused? Your DH sounds like a dick.

This.

WHY have you texted your son that? How awful for him. He's doing nothing wrong and now he's got his mum "warning" him his step dad isn't happy. The same step dad who conceived the toddlers while he was in the house presumably. Somehow I don't think you'll have to worry about him sleeping at home for long, he'll be out of there asap and you'll likely regret not protecting him from DH

ballsdeep · 21/03/2022 22:42

@superdo

I know he's doing nothing illegal I just think it's a bit disrespectful when he knows I'm the next room.

So your telling me you wouldn't mind hearing your son have sex on the room next to you!

Agree. I find it disrespectful. I know they are going to have sex, but surely wait until you're out or sleeping at least!
ThenAgainMaybeIWont · 21/03/2022 22:42

lol. So many 'cool mums' on here

I have two teens. They would immediately be told to just bloody stop and I'd be very clear that I didn't want to hear them having sex again.

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