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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

What would you do if you heard ds17 having sex

300 replies

superdo · 21/03/2022 21:56

Just that really. He's been with his girlfriend 3 months, he's 17 (18 in may) she was 18 last month.
She's comes over 4-5 times a week and sometimes stays in a Saturday night.
They sit in his room and watch tv.

I'm in bed next door to ds. I thought I heard the bed quietly banging, then dh messaged me from downstairs saying he'd just heard them having sex, he heard the bed. Obviously he's not happy about it and neither am I.

I've just texted ds didn't want to go in and told him what we heard. He's denied it.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Waferbiscuit · 21/03/2022 23:29

Why does everyone think it's totally normal for teenagers to have sex in their parents house?

TheChurchOfEli · 21/03/2022 23:29

Doesn't want it happening in the house when we have 2 sleeping toddlers.
Oh but I bet your darling husband is up for sex with you with toddlers in the house.

I had sex with my parents
You should have phrased this differently.
You should have quoted the entire sentence @YvanEhtNiojYvanEhtNioj, but anything for a MN slap on the back (or tea spit apparently) Hmm

janeseymour78 · 21/03/2022 23:30

@Waferbiscuit

Why does everyone think it's totally normal for teenagers to have sex in their parents house?
Because it is normal. Do you expect them to be abstinent?
username9871028 · 21/03/2022 23:30

You’ve been extremely naive thinking that a pair of 17 and 18 year olds are spending the night together and not having sex …

SmallPrawnEnergy · 21/03/2022 23:30

@Waferbiscuit

Why does everyone think it's totally normal for teenagers to have sex in their parents house?
Becsuse it is. Horny teenagers will have sex in bush if it means they get to have sex, mum and dad downstairs isn’t going to stop them.
EthelTheAardvark · 21/03/2022 23:31

DH on the other hand is not happy about any of it says I need to put a stop to it. Doesn't want it happening in the house when we have 2 sleeping toddlers.

The bizarre thing is that your DH must have had sex whilst a teenage boy was in the house, notwithstanding the fact that said boy must have been well aware what was going on. Yet apparently it's not acceptable for sex to happen when there are toddlers in the house, despite the fact that the toddlers will be totally oblivious to the whole thing.

Blossom64265 · 21/03/2022 23:31

I’ve got no problem with them having sex. I’m just not into pretending teenagers are adults in serious relationships and encouraging them to play house. Elevating the relationship does them no favors.

Nothing wrong with them hanging out in the reception room. I’m happy to make myself scarce to give them some space. My house happens to have two so it’s a non-issue anyway.

Teens will still have sex. There will be moments parents aren’t home. Hotel rooms. Parked cars. That is massively different than asking the girlfriend how she likes her eggs in the morning.

username9871028 · 21/03/2022 23:32

@Waferbiscuit

Why does everyone think it's totally normal for teenagers to have sex in their parents house?
It’s not “normal” because parents don’t usually allow their children to have girlfriends/boyfriends to stay the night. However, assuming they are NOT having sex when they are allowed sleepovers is, as I said, incredibly naive.
DillDanding · 21/03/2022 23:32

I wouldn’t be thrilled, but what can you do?

When I was 17, I was bonking my boyfriend all over my parents’ house (don’t think they knew though).

YvanEhtNiojYvanEhtNioj · 21/03/2022 23:34

@TheChurchOfEli

Doesn't want it happening in the house when we have 2 sleeping toddlers. Oh but I bet your darling husband is up for sex with you with toddlers in the house.

I had sex with my parents
You should have phrased this differently.
You should have quoted the entire sentence @YvanEhtNiojYvanEhtNioj, but anything for a MN slap on the back (or tea spit apparently) Hmm

Oh get over yourself. Pp should have used some punctuation or worded it differently.
Millie2008 · 21/03/2022 23:34

@Blueberryflavour

What did you think his GF was staying on a Saturday night for, lying chastely side by side holding hands?
This.
ididntevennotice · 21/03/2022 23:35

@TheChurchOfEli

Doesn't want it happening in the house when we have 2 sleeping toddlers. Oh but I bet your darling husband is up for sex with you with toddlers in the house.

I had sex with my parents
You should have phrased this differently.
You should have quoted the entire sentence @YvanEhtNiojYvanEhtNioj, but anything for a MN slap on the back (or tea spit apparently) Hmm

Oh away you go it was a joke and I laughed. The tea spit was sarcasm Hmm

ididntevennotice · 21/03/2022 23:37

Why does everyone think it's totally normal for teenagers to have sex in their parents house?

It's normal for 17 & 18 year olds to have sex. It's their home too. I don't see the problem. It's concerning how many people have hang ups about sex, yet presumably managed it themselves.

janeseymour78 · 21/03/2022 23:40

@Blossom64265

I’ve got no problem with them having sex. I’m just not into pretending teenagers are adults in serious relationships and encouraging them to play house. Elevating the relationship does them no favors. Nothing wrong with them hanging out in the reception room. I’m happy to make myself scarce to give them some space. My house happens to have two so it’s a non-issue anyway.

Teens will still have sex. There will be moments parents aren’t home. Hotel rooms. Parked cars. That is massively different than asking the girlfriend how she likes her eggs in the morning.

So what are you teaching them then? To have sex and a shallow relationship outside of the bedroom is fine - but don't get too 'serious'?

I was with my teenage boyfriend for four years and it was a formative relationship. We are still friends now years later. I know two people from school who just got married and had a child. To many people, teenage relationships aren't just little dalliances.

TheChronicalTales · 21/03/2022 23:40

Sounds like a DH problem

WeBurnedSoBrightWeBurnedOut · 21/03/2022 23:40

My MIL walked in on me and DP when he still lived at home. Early 20's but still embarrassing for all of us. She apologised and it was never mentioned (to us) again. I heard PIL a few times too when i used to stay over. It's no biggie, all consenting adults, but we absolutely made sure we were as quiet as possible.

GreyCarpet · 21/03/2022 23:41

@Waferbiscuit

Why does everyone think it's totally normal for teenagers to have sex in their parents house?
Where are they supposed to do it otherwise? He's nearly 18! Ita nit like they're 13...

My son moved out at 22 but I knew he and his hf wee having sex at 18. He knows my boyfriend and me do.

Grown ups have sex 🤷🏻‍♀️

Lightupmynorthernsky · 21/03/2022 23:51

@ManateeFair that’s a big conclusion you’ve jumped to Grin
My house. My rules. I’m sure future DILs will appreciate the considerate, independent men I have nurtured to respect women, who can cook, clean, work a washing machine etc more than the no of sleepovers they did or didn’t have.

LondonQueen · 21/03/2022 23:59

I'd just turn on some music to drown it out, it's always going to happen at that age.

IheartJKRowling · 22/03/2022 00:02

Your "DH" is a dick. Wanting to have sex with your partner when you're nearly 18 is perfectly normal and healthy. The toddlers won't have any concept of what's happening.

Sex with someone you care about (or even just fancy) is nothing to be embarrassed or chastised for 🙄

Both my children brought their partners home and the only caveat was "don't make the dogs bark with the banging noise".

Stand up for your son and don't make him feel that sex is something wrong. Your "DH" needs to unclench.

EatAllDay · 22/03/2022 00:15

Wouldn’t want my 17 year old having sex if I was in the house. Just NO

AnnesBrokenSlate · 22/03/2022 00:19

@ThenAgainMaybeIWont

lol. So many 'cool mums' on here

I have two teens. They would immediately be told to just bloody stop and I'd be very clear that I didn't want to hear them having sex again.

YY there are always lots of 'cool parents' when it's threads about teens having sex. It's odd because it's not representative of any of the parents of teens that I know. Also, weird because MN is full of posts about parenting books, advice and research yet when it comes to letting your teens have sex in your house, all the evidence is completely disregarded.
TheFabulousSamathaJones · 22/03/2022 00:21

I’d say (and have said) “ fine having sex in my house but we’d rather not hear it thanks”

Adult kids, adult conversations

Comefromaway · 22/03/2022 00:22

I met my husband when we were 17. We are late forties now.

I would do nothing. (Apart from have a conversation about contraception but we did that already with Ds)

RobertaFirmino · 22/03/2022 00:26

Doesn't want it happening in the house when we have 2 sleeping toddlers

Poor lad. He's probably already had a couple of years having to walk on eggshells 'because of the baby', has a SF who clearly doesn't like him and now he can't even do what comes naturally with his GF under his own roof. Yes, I'll bet he cannot wait for the time when he can get his own gaff. Try not to push him out before he's actually ready.