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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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On the verge of kicking her out eldest DD16

631 replies

Pisssssedofff · 22/06/2016 09:30

She hits her siblings and really hurts them aged 12 and 6. My son when he was interviewed by the court over custody thing drew my eldest dd in the sad house.

I kind of feel these incidents are happening more frequently with exam pressure. I'm on my own with 4 of them. In a three Bed house. It's pretty much like living in a pressure cooker

OP posts:
WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 22/06/2016 17:20

Yes, indeed. Doesn't seem like there's much love around at all Sad

Pisssssedofff · 22/06/2016 17:21

His words princess not mine. He's let her and the others down. Stands outside my house screaming they are going to live with him and then tells the courts and SS he will get a house after he's awarded custody, so basically it's bollocks otherwise he'd act eh?

OP posts:
ricketytickety · 22/06/2016 17:22

Op has said bio dad and step dad uninterested in helping. She's on her own.

My sibling was very resentful of what she thougt was preferential treatment of me so would attack to redress the balance in her mind. Could this be the case? Her father abandoned her as a baby and she may have felt an outsider when her half siblings came along. So she feels a mix of unloved and jealousy coming out as fighting anger.

Pisssssedofff · 22/06/2016 17:23

The younger ones go to their dads at the weekend so I shall drag her out to lunch like it or not and the movies, she doesn't seem to have a problem with me when she's doing something she wants

OP posts:
Pisssssedofff · 22/06/2016 17:24

Maybe she does resent them, but she can't hit them. Nobody ever hit her, this what I can't seem to get through to her

OP posts:
FlibbertigibbetArmadillo · 22/06/2016 17:25

OP when did you stop loving your daughter?

Also I second posters who have said please take your 12 yr old to get their jaw checked

ricketytickety · 22/06/2016 17:25

You just answered my question op. Step dad is declaring he wants the other dc not her to all and sundry.

Plus she'll be angry with you for the whole screaming step dad situation which is a nightmare for all your dcs

facebookrecruit · 22/06/2016 17:26

Considering you have so much going on you've spent an awful lot of time on here today. Why haven't you phoned the police? Because if they involved social services and they would they are given no choice but to fucking help!
Also find it very strange that your DD behaves so perfectly at school. If she's the coward you say she is and picks on weaker kids surely she'd be bullying the younger kids at school? Or at least have lashed out once or twice?

Forevertiredzzzzzz · 22/06/2016 17:27

Do you get along when the others are at their dads? It's another rejection in a way if he was a father figure but doesn't see her, she probably feels quite worthless.

Pisssssedofff · 22/06/2016 17:28

Because you don't phone the police on your own child do you, no doubt I'll lie through my teeth for her tomorrow too when the school phones. If you had any experience in these matters you'd know things do not improve when outside services get involved, quite the opposite

OP posts:
princessmi12 · 22/06/2016 17:29

I have not been in OP' situation however my eldest is a bit of a difficult one. He doesn't like to be told. Full stop. He will do what he wants ,despite and in spite. However if I reason with him and ASK him, he'll do what needs doing .
Tone of voice, words I use in communication with him make all the difference.
And every single day I tell all my dcs I love them.Every single day

Pisssssedofff · 22/06/2016 17:29

No rickety, she's rejected him not the other way around she says she's too busy to see him. Of course I got/get the blame for that too but it's her decision

OP posts:
ricketytickety · 22/06/2016 17:29

No, but the step dad is verbally aggressive and it's natural for a child to go down the physical aggression route when they have extreme emotions.

It's not right for her to do it, which is why you ned to take her sibling to the docs and show her how serious it is. Then get support to explore her feelings of abandonment and resentment.

LizKeen · 22/06/2016 17:31

I shall drag her out to lunch like it or not and the movies

Why do you resent her so much? Or is it actually that you resent the two men that have fucked off and you are taking it out on her?

Do you think she can't pick up on your attitude?

Greenyogagirl · 22/06/2016 17:31

Things do improve from what I have seen. What are you scared of? What are you trying to hide from ss?

Pisssssedofff · 22/06/2016 17:31

I need to cook now. Thank you though, everyone that's taken the time to post x

OP posts:
minifingerz · 22/06/2016 17:32

"she doesn't seem to have a problem with me when she's doing something she wants"

Because she's a teenager.

Forevertiredzzzzzz · 22/06/2016 17:33

I have called the police on DD once she didn't get arrested or have a record but was a shock and she hasn't smashed the house up since! I know you have had one negative experience with professionals but don't write them all off. An outside perspective is really helpful at times and early help and camhs have been a massive help in many ways. you have nothing to lose you sound at the end of your tether.

throwawayjunefri · 22/06/2016 17:33

So your house is seriously overcrowded with old, damaged furniture that social services have noted.

You have yet another baby on the way.

The daughter concerned is living with a mother who doesn't love her and will freely say so, and has been ditched by a father and a stepfather who "hates her". She has been blamed for the loss of her mother's romantic partner.

Your daughter is spending time with friends who self-harm and may have mental health issues. Your response to this is to ridicule them and jealously remark that the one who is "worst" has "parents who are together".

Your attitude is callous towards your daughter. You act like she's a friend you've fallen out with, talking about cinema and lunches, trying to get sympathy by quoting things she has said in anger on here, saying you spoil her (when we have no way of knowing whether this is true and, FWIW, giving a 16-year-old the privacy of her own room is NOT spoiling her, it is an incredibly basic need). This is not a competition of you vs. her, you're supposed to be her parent, you're supposed to be a bloody adult. You sound sixteen yourself.

Imagine what she's going through, spending all day with friends who are in pain, probably supporting them. Then she comes home, retreats into Game of Thrones that her mum calls "weird shit", her mum "almost kills her" when she lashes out at a younger sibling (in an overcrowded house with a toxic atmosphere, where everyone is likely permanently on top of each other with no room to breathe, and a mother who rages).

Look at what you've done. This is all YOUR own making. Take a good hard look at yourself.

dowhatnow · 22/06/2016 17:34

I think you are at the end of your tether. SS will help you, they'll have to if you make them.
Perhaps a temporary break can be arranged. Make them aware that if they don't help then they'll be looking at 4 children that need new homes as you are on the verge of a breakdown. Maybe you are in the middle of one. You sound very desperate. I don't think you don't care, I think you are so worn down you can't think clearly.

Call SS now. Don't wait for the school to do it.

throwawayjunefri · 22/06/2016 17:34

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throwawayjunefri · 22/06/2016 17:36

"Because you don't phone the police on your own child do you, no doubt I'll lie through my teeth for her tomorrow too when the school phones. "

Yes you're such a martyr. Or maybe because there's fuck all to show the police, because you've made a mountain out of a molehill and the other child's jaw is fine?

amidawish · 22/06/2016 17:37

phone the police, tell them what she's done, that it's not the first time.
hopefully they'll frighten her enough to stop her doing it again.

Pisssssedofff · 22/06/2016 17:52

What I've done ? Ok. You know what you spout this all day long it's funny how it's never a problem to have furniture with a water stain on it when you're married but when your husband leaves to sleep with 30 year olds and have a midlife crisis it's suddenly burn the witch !
Hilarious

OP posts:
Pisssssedofff · 22/06/2016 17:54

And what's even funnier is if I was a unfit mother, SS would buy me a new sofa but because I'm not they just write reports about it.

OP posts:
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