On the verge of kicking her out eldest DD16

[Pisssssedofff]

She hits her siblings and really hurts them aged 12 and 6. My son when he was interviewed by the court over custody thing drew my eldest dd in the sad house.

I kind of feel these incidents are happening more frequently with exam pressure. I'm on my own with 4 of them. In a three Bed house. It's pretty much like living in a pressure cooker

Calling the police is about getting help in place, not a punishment. They can help you access other services.

I suggested a few things that may help based on direct experience. I hope you read them and think about taking some action right now while you're angry.

If you do nothing then nothing will change. Good luck!

In regards to irrelevant subject of sofa
OP
Can you get leather or leather like one, that's easily cleaned?
Problem would be solved

How long have you been separated from him? do you and DD get along when they are at their dads?

SS buy people sofas?

SS would not buy you a sofa. There is no spare money in SS budgets for sofas.

I think you would do well to work with SS and prove to them you are not an unfit mother. Accept their help and instead of raging against them see what you can do together with them, the medical team, the school and, if needed, the police.

A child's needs must be met (needs of 16yo clearly unmet), a child needs protection from harm (12 year old and 6 year old unprotected, 14 year old safe only because she would become violent herself if attacked) and children need love (you want rid of all of them and feel nothing for 16 year old). Into all this mess you bring a 5th child, whilst unable to cope with the 4 you have already.

I think you worry they would find a bit more amiss than water stains this time.

Pissedoff none of us give a crap about your sofa, but the ss have remarked that it may need new cushions (water damage can lead to mould btw, especially if it's not cleaned up properly).

However what we are saying is you seem to constantly blame absolutely everyone else for your problems. You need to take a good hard look in the mirror and address the real issues.

You've had masses of advice, and fuck me some people are still sticking about to try and help despite your bitchy agressive attitude and lack of empathy or understanding towards anything.

Your daughter needs help. Be her bloody parent and get her some!!! Or piss off away from mn and stop trolling for attention because it's getting incredibly pathetic.

And also ffs take your child to the minor injuries about her jaw!!! Or are you that shit a parent you don't care that she's possibly got a small hairline fracture or cracked teeth???

Also ss don't buy sofas, they can help you apply for a budgeting loan or welfare grant to help either replace or buy a second hand one.

"I'm trying desperately not compare kids but the others have been through the same shit and they don't behave like this"

And other mothers have been through the same shit and still managed to step up and parent their children.

We are all different, as are our kids. We all have a breaking point. You have reached yours. Be humble. Ask for help. That's what a good parent would do.

Well other mothers are Marvellous aren't they. Gold medals for them. I'm not having a 5th child as I clearly stated and as I said If I thought for a moment anyone would do anything great but they won't

What I need is a break, it's what thousands of parents with disabled children need in far far worse situations than me but they don't get one either

She's not getting kicked out but she knows she's gone too far so hopefully the penny has dropped with her because next time I will call the police and they can deal with her.

You know, OP you seem to want to believe yourself, and to communicate on this thread that your dd is more than just a troubled teen, but is actually a bad person.

I remember feeling the same about dd when I was at my lowest. It was because I had lost all sense of perspective and was seeing myself as the victim. I stopped being able to see that she was a child. I lost the ability to empathise with her because of her awful behaviour.

But she IS a child, and she needs you to stop behaving like a victim, however hard it is.

I don't feel like a victim, the 12 year old is that, I know that

Yes they will, you've not even given them the chance. You met one ss that you didn't like, there are a lot more out there. If you don't get along with one you can ask for your case to be transferred to someone else as it would be easier for you to engage with them if you had a good working relationship with the social worker. At the end of the day it's about what's best for the children and in their eyes it's best if you engage and if working with someone else would help that then they will do their best to accommodate that

"Well other mothers are Marvellous aren't they."

How can you expect your dd to acknowledge her wrongdoing and try to do better, if you're going to take that attitude towards your own weaknesses as a parent?

Grow up.

I agree hands that's a fair point, the crazy thing is this should be a great week, lots of pieces falling into place to mean more space, bigger house etc

At this stage, most posters are just going to quote what you say back to you and then add a criticism. I would leave it for a while, come back when you have had a break. Re-read the advice which is actually useful.

OP I'm in the same boat with my DD 16 being physically and verbally abusive to my 10 year old.

My difference is SS are involved as she self harmed due to reasons outside the family which are sorted now. But because they became involved with her they saw what she does to my youngest. Makes no difference what punishment I dish out to her. I'm now in the very real situation of having youngest removed for his own safety because of her violence when I think it should be her that goes. Youngest has done no wrong and never retaliates and I feel they could in effect be punished with removal to care for her wrong doings

OP you have my sympathies

You know what mini I have lots of friends in different situations plenty single, married all types of mothers and we all genuinely acknowledge we are shit at it, it wasn't what we signed up for and we can't wait for it to be over.

You do realise that it'll only be over when you're dead right? You'll always be your children's parent, even when they're adults

"I don't feel like a victim"

That's not what you are communicating through your posts.

You feel betrayed by your ex and resentful towards your dd for the part she has played in the breakdown in your relationship. You feel sorry for yourself and are both defensive and evasive. Your posts bristle with anger.

I have been posting on this board for many years and have gone through some awful experiences with my dd. I have been completely honest here about what has gone on at home and listened to the advice of others and tried to take from it things which would help me and my family. Parents on this particular board are massively understanding and sympathetic to other parents going through difficult times with teens, and there is very little unkind judgement here. The fact that there is pretty much a consensus here that you need help from outside agencies, and that your dd's situation is sad and precarious and that she needs a lot of help from adults who have her interests at heart - whether those adults are family or paid professionals, should tell you something.

"You know what mini I have lots of friends in different situations plenty single, married all types of mothers and we all genuinely acknowledge we are shit at it, it wasn't what we signed up for and we can't wait for it to be over."

Are you trying to convince yourself that I'm saying that I think I'm a perfect parent and that you should be too, so you can dismiss my heartfelt advice as unrealistic and smug?

As a parent you don't just accept 'I'm crap at this and so I'm not even going to try'.

Not trying to help your child and get support for yourself isn't 'not being a perfect parent', it's not being an adequate parent.