On the verge of kicking her out eldest DD16

[Pisssssedofff]

She hits her siblings and really hurts them aged 12 and 6. My son when he was interviewed by the court over custody thing drew my eldest dd in the sad house.

I kind of feel these incidents are happening more frequently with exam pressure. I'm on my own with 4 of them. In a three Bed house. It's pretty much like living in a pressure cooker

Well she's currently in her bedroom like nothing happened, doesn't k ow or care what she's done to her sister. In her own little bubble

It can be so damn infuriating when your kid is acting out, and two minutes later seems to be fine and dandy while you are still reeling. I get that.

But, just because it appears that she is fine, doesn't mean she actually is.

If she has been through a lot then can you not appreciate that the anger is coming from a place of hurt, not coping, maybe confusion?

Three years ago she was 13, the younger ones were under 10. Its not a far stretch to think that whatever happened affected her more because she was more aware of all of it.

The way you talk about SS is so dismissive...I have met a few officious pricks of social workers myself, but even aside from the nonsense, they had a point. You seem so defensive I think its just your default to instantly feel attacked and lash out. But people are trying to help, if only you would listen.

Has she ever witnessed a physical assault bar what she's done herself?

No not always a bad thing , just in my experience it was. DDs dad got in touch made lots of promises then vanished and ignored all subsequent messages and calls.

"and was told if I'm that upset I should go and kills myself. She's utterly fucked up isn't she ? Who says that to their mother"

Actually many teens do say hideous things to their families.

I remember being loathsome to my parents as a teen. I was angry and felt unloved. I'm 50 now and have a great relationship with my parents (dad passed away but we had a good relationship as adults).

If we judged people's worth by the worst of their behaviour as teens, good grief!

I agree rickety ticket which again annoys me here I am fawning over the little shit that's inflicted this on my child, she's ok, we've had a nice lunch and a shop but it's not the bloody point. If anyone kicked DD1 in the jaw is be in the cells now and yet DD1 does it to DD3 and its tea and crumpets alround

Please can we collectively compile an e-mail to the father in such manner that he would want to engage?
Anyone with relevant skills here?
I myself might not be best person...

I think you need to take sibling to the doc and get the jaw seen to and tell them how it happened.

You are right in the thick of it and need support working out what to do. You sound like you've got 0 support.

Id be in the cells, you know what I mean

Princess I think he's made his position quite clear with 15.5 years of nc

I don't thing you have aspergers, I don't think she has aspergers either.

What happened three years ago though? What is this "I don't want to talk about it" bomb that dropped?

Oh go away Facebook, if you have nothing useful to add just go away

You don't want to help her, you don't want to help yourself, you don't want to help your other children. You won't listen to anybody and just want to rant. So rant and plod on with your life hoping you don't regret this moment where you could of done something to help your family.

Take her anyway. It might be the way in which you get support. See a different doctor than your usual one. If she's struggling to chew you could saw you want it looked at even if you think it's probably alright.

It might be the wakeup call your dd needs having to explain how violent she is to an outsider. Than she can work through why she's doing it.

Telling folk to go away is really not going to help, especially when it seems like the only reason you've posted this is to get attention.

Incidentally, I'm still waiting for that PM

say not saw

Want to add, that I really believe that for my dd feeling unloved by me (as she did over a period of time when her behaviour was at its worst) and being on the receiving end of my anger and resentment about how she was affecting our family life, was traumatising to my dd.

It's paradoxical. They push you away as hard as they can and go out of their way to be utterly unlovable. But if you can't show love towards them they feel severely injured by it, because as a parent you are supposed to love them unconditionally.

I'm sure your dd feels utterly unloved and resented. It will be hard for her to make amends and to take responsibility for her behaviour if she feels that way.

When I was at my lowest with dd (shortly after she hit me, told me she wished I'd get cancer, shoved me out my own front door and locked it behind me) we had a meeting with a social worker who told me to 'step up' and be a mother to her. I was furious and cried buckets. I was paralysed emotionally and felt on the verge of a nervous breakdown. But the social worker was right and I was wrong. Being a parent sometimes involves you having to reach down into yourself to find reserves of strength and love you have lost sight of.

Make a super-human effort for your dd. Get help.

Did her school call you back? Surely they have pastoral staff who can talk to her and try and organise counselling?

Your dd will be under additional exam stress too...bear that in mind. She needs to know she has a safe place that is calm, but her siblings need that too. Leave her to her revision, book your other dc in to see the emergency doc. If it's really sore maybe minor injuries unit. Then you are telling someone outside of the docs surgery.

Excellent post mini fingers , I have been there to. Sometimes DD pushes me so hard I feel like swinging for her (I never have or never would) but detaching and not reacting works it is hard when you are being attacked it's natural reaction to defend but in the process you become an angry attitudey teenager!

I'm a bit concerned about your 12 year old if she still can't chew several hours later. I'd suggest you take her to the closest walk-in minor injuries unit.

I had a physically aggressive sibling. She's suffered a trauma unbeknowst to us at the time when she was much younger, but all I remembered was her being very angry at home.

What I wish was that a. her physical/verbal abuse to me was taken more seriously as it had a massive affect on me for life and b. that someone had come into our home and helped her/my mum/me through it.

Princess I don't think that's the solution tbh. Her stepfather has been more of a father figure than her bio Dad, if anyone needs to step up (other than Mum) it's him...

Well EX STEPFATHER hates her, according to OP

I haven't read everything here, OP, but I can understand your anger. My nephew was an extremely difficult child and family therapy worked for him. Otherwise, as she is academic, the boarding school idea is a good opinion.