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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

On the verge of kicking her out eldest DD16

631 replies

Pisssssedofff · 22/06/2016 09:30

She hits her siblings and really hurts them aged 12 and 6. My son when he was interviewed by the court over custody thing drew my eldest dd in the sad house.

I kind of feel these incidents are happening more frequently with exam pressure. I'm on my own with 4 of them. In a three Bed house. It's pretty much like living in a pressure cooker

OP posts:
Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 23/06/2016 14:41

Dramas .... Yeah sure so one by one I'm removing the people that cause them and if DD1 is one of them then so be it

OP posts:
princessmi12 · 23/06/2016 15:10

if newbrummy and pisssedoff are same person,it just gets better
Little one wets the bed every night without fail..and I'm only on first page..

Hodooooooooor · 23/06/2016 15:21

Dramas .... Yeah sure so one by one I'm removing the people that cause them and if DD1 is one of them then so be it

I think you'll find thats you.

wibblewobble8 · 23/06/2016 15:25

I thought it was very bad form to go through an OP's posting history?

Glad your feeling better today OP. Understand how you feel about outside services, I have a disabled DS, and whilst I have not had to rely on any outside bodies for intervention, i have read plenty on various local forums (relating to my ds' disability) how utterly useless government/LA help is although i seem to understand this is due to several reasons such as poor training and mostly lack of funds.

Ignore the haters on MN, some people just like to be goady and spoil for a fight if you dont fall to your knees whilst simultaneously thanking them for their life changing opinion before promising to carry out everything they say! Ive seen it many times on MN before.

paxillin · 23/06/2016 16:13

Ignore the haters on MN Grin Grin Grin Grin - are you 12, wibblewobble, that people disagreeing with you are called "haters"? How very... infantile.

corythatwas · 23/06/2016 16:27

wibblewobble, having had one bad experience with SS (or read something bad on an internet forum) is absolutely no excuse for not seeking help when your child is at risk

I have had a horrendous experience where taking my child to hospital resulted in misdiagnosis and dh and me being suspected of sexual abuse

does that mean I should never have taken dd to hospital again?

have also been investigated by SS and the EWO

but would never ever have considered not asking for help for my child who was suffering because I was afraid of unpleasant things that might be said about me

how could you justify that to yourself?

it wasn't about me

if your child needs help you run to get it- you don't stand around thinking "but they might criticise me"

I have had a lot of nasty things said to me in connection with dd's disability/MH problems

but I have also got her the help she needed, she has been able to grown into a fully functioning adult, she can look back and see that I never gave up on her

surely that is worth having a few nasty things said to you?

even if this 16yo moves from home, somebody is going to have to see to it that she is all right and gets help with her problems- whether that is the OP herself or the OP engaging with various authorities

the younger children are going to need support and quite possibly counselling after what they've been through

paxillin · 23/06/2016 16:47

It is a bit like "I am not going to have this life saving operation, a nurse at the hospital criticised my dirty pjs last time" isn't it, corythatwas?

DetestableHerytike · 23/06/2016 16:50

Wibble, op's posts are memorabl

wibblewobble8 · 23/06/2016 17:29

the good old reading into a post and inferring something thats not there. Please highlight in my post where i said the op should not seek help. Or avoid SS. I merely said i understand why she distrusts SS/other LA help. Because (and specifically regarding my ds disability) the help is simply not there due mostly to lack of funds.

As for being infantile, meh, im never gonna be this young again. Haterz haterz haterz

AugustaFinkNottle · 23/06/2016 17:31

I thought it was very bad form to go through an OP's posting history?

Where does this supposed rule come from? Surely if that were the case, the AS function wouldn't exist?

Philoslothy · 23/06/2016 17:32

The OP has posted things in temper because she is under huge pressure.

There are some posters on here who for sheer shits and kicks are trawling her history and taunting her.

wibblewobble8 · 23/06/2016 17:36

Dont think its an official rule carved in stone. But to umm refer to that oft said phrase around here - 'not in the spirit of mn'. And what Phil say^^

Letmehaveausername · 23/06/2016 17:58

I thought it was the norm to search post history of those you're suspicious of. It's normally why people say they've nc at the start of their post, to avoid being accused of being a troll as posters search posting history to see if poster is genuine or not, especially on controversial or highly dramatic posts

Atenco · 23/06/2016 17:59

I thought it was very bad form to go through an OP's posting history?

I've seen this mentioned on occasion, but surely seeing someone's posting history helps to build up a better idea of a situation and give better advice.
I suppose, to my mind, unhelpful posts are bad form.

paxillin · 23/06/2016 18:08

What is really bad form and completely against Talk Guidelines is sockpuppeting. And that is what AS was used for in this case, rightly so.

corythatwas · 23/06/2016 18:32

wibblewobble8 Thu 23-Jun-16 17:29:14

"the good old reading into a post and inferring something thats not there. Please highlight in my post where i said the op should not seek help. Or avoid SS. I merely said i understand why she distrusts SS/other LA help. Because (and specifically regarding my ds disability) the help is simply not there due mostly to lack of funds. "

I assumed you had read what the OP said about accepting help from the SS. It was pretty clear- and very childish. If you tell her you understand how she feels and make no attempt to explain to her why her conclusions are wrong, then she is going to take that as confirmation that she is right.

SuburbanRhonda · 23/06/2016 18:35

Actually, wibble, what you said was not only were government bodies useless because of lack of funding, but because of poor training.

Which you gave precisely no evidence for.

corythatwas · 23/06/2016 18:44

I understand that the OP posted in a temper because she was under pressure. But the same OP is still the person who has to provide the stability and support for some very vulnerable young people and if she is not able to do that it is her responsibility to seek aid, however afraid she is of being criticised. There is simply no getting round that.

Philoslothy · 23/06/2016 19:55

I've seen this mentioned on occasion, but surely seeing someone's posting history helps to build up a better idea of a situation and give better advice.

But are people searching to give advice or to taunt a woman who is clearly struggling in life which in turn is harming her vulnerable children.

If somebody in real life is distressed and angry do people quote their past back at them to catch them out?

SuburbanRhonda · 23/06/2016 20:51

I imagine people advanced searched because it seemed the OP might be a troll and be using a sock puppet.

The fact that she started another thread today (coincidentally with a guest appearance by the same suspected sock puppet), and was so rude to posters she had a post deleted, may have raised suspicions.

Philoslothy · 23/06/2016 21:47

If people thought she was a troll by all means do the auto search and report your concerns to MN. That would make sense if your only concern was that the OP was a troll. If she was a troll they can deal with it. However if this is a genuine poster the fall out from people trying to catch her out or taunt her on this thread could be devastating.

SuburbanRhonda · 23/06/2016 22:37

It could be devastating, or alternatively it could be that the OP gave as good as she got throughout, then ended the thread saying everything was sorted, her DD was never going to assault her sibling again and all was well with the world Hmm

Philoslothy · 23/06/2016 22:49

I have a son who can be violent, I am lucky that I have never been pushed to these extremes - he has mostly been violent to me rather than siblings. I am sure that even though my challenges were less that I have at times been unreasonably angry and irrational. I have posted in anger on here when pushed to my limits.

So I understand why she might have given as good as she got, I don't understand why she "got it" in the first place.

Why are grown women - most of whom are mothers- spending their time trawling through pages of internet history hoping to find that little golden nugget to catch someone out? Why are grown women taunting a complete stranger on the internet who appears to have more than enough going on?

tootiredforthissh1t · 23/06/2016 22:52

She feels like shit and is reacting to the world around her. My mum kicked me out at 16 OP and it was a scary time. I survived it but I wouldn't wish it on any 16 year old.

Philoslothy · 23/06/2016 22:53

then ended the thread saying everything was sorted, her DD was never going to assault her sibling again and all was well with the world

This could be a coping strategy. I wouldn't post about my son at great length on here because of this kind of reception. However there have definitely been times when it has all felt overwhelming and I have said to DH everything will be fine - let's stop talking about it.