Do you allow your teens to take their boyfriend/girlfriend to their bedroom?

[Ticktacktock]

Dd is 16, and still a virgin, but has recently got a boyfriend she would like to start a relationship with. I have been very supportive, and sorted her out with the contraceptive pill. It's all good, and her bf is just lovely.

However, she just can't understand why she won't be allowed to take him to her room. She says, so where do you want me to do it, under a bush? Wouldn't you rather know I'm in a safe environment?

I'm very uncomfortable about this, but am I being an old fart??

Never mind the contraceptive pill, what about STDs????

So. You've put her on the pill but won't give her the chance to actually have sex with him? This is nuts. Buy her some condoms and keep her safe. Do you want her shagging him in the local park? Just let them to her room, for goodness sake.

I know, I have thought about std's. The clinic has given her a clamydia (sp) test for him for starters. But I think condoms might be a good idea, thanks.

My view is that if they are old enough to have sex, they are old enough to find somewhere to do it. I booked a hotel room at not far off her age. I don't think I can condone sex in my house. Besides, his parents may have the same opinion.

No. Just no. DS1 was 16 last week and its not happening in my house until he gets engaged! and that wont be for at least 7 years!

OP, honestly, you got her on the pill but she is not allowed sex in your house?

Why? She is 16, in love, protected (if they use a condom) and she has to book a hotel room?? Good grief.

Yes, my teens are allowed to take their boy/girlfriends up to their rooms. Where else should they hang out?

LOL at ABeta

That's what you think Abeta

Just because it's legal doesn't mean it's right or to be encouraged. I understand you sorted out the pill as if your dd does has sex it's better she doesn't get pregnant. However what is far better is if she doesn't have sex until she is an adult in a long tern partnership at the very least.

I am boggling at the booking a hotel thing. Bit expensive for 16 year olds.

'Finding somewhere to do it'

Hmm, I get your dilemma OP. I've always said 18, but DS sneaked gf in at 17. I wouldn't be happy with 16 unless a long standing relationship.,

Your house, your rules. I never let mine do it at home either

Ridiculous! You've sorted out the pill but won't allow her to do the deed.

For all you know she may be sleeping with him at his house with his parents knowledge. Is that ok?

Oh please. Yes let her have her boyfriend over, you are being an old fast. Sweet and supporting, but you just need that extra step. You can do it! And tell her she can do it, in your house!

"Not allowed to do it in my house"
actually means
"Not allowed to do it in my house when I'm in"

As for "find somewhere" I have grave doubts about bus shelters, park benches and stairways in car parks.

I think it's much better and safer for them to be together at home. Once my DC were 16, I turned a blind eye to partners sleeping over.

I relented just this week when DD asked me if she and her fella could sit in her bedroom. She's almost 21!

Sorry, but my house, my rules and that means no boyfriends in the bedroom! I wouldn't expect her to sit downstairs knowing that me and DH were at it upstairs, so why should it be any different with her?

When she was 16 and had a boyfriend who was the absolute love of her life and everything was wonderful, she did talk to me about it. I listened, I gave her my opinion and told her. I would not be encouraging it.

I told her that I knew she'd do it whether I consented or not, but she knew my feelings on it. She knew the risks and the safe way to go about it. And there the conversation ended.

I feel for you. Logic and what you rationally believe go completely out of the window in a puff of emotion when you are contemplating your own child having sex. Ds1 was 17 when he first took his girlfriend to his room that we were aware of . My non-sensical rule was that he could take her to his room in the daytime but not overnight.

I'd much rather my dc do it in our home safe than any of the places pigletjohn mentioned...

If you trust them both and they respect each other I don't see the problem because obviously you'll be shopping and wont know about it

in my house

OK, it's your house, but surely it's her home? Why should she have to find somewhere else? At least she's waited until she's 16. There's another thread on here actually - the majority seemed to be in favour of staying over, so that would mean in her room, and all night. We allowed it.

The majority was by about two leonard (I remember that thread) and a MN majority of two is not the equivalent of the nations view.

piglet I've never had sex in any of those places, I feel sorry for you if you have but I can honestly say I was never that desperate.

I haven't said I wouldn't allow her to do the deed, I sorted her contraception so she could, but she cannot have sex in my house. It's just wrong at 16. Maybe in a couple of years with a long term bf. What happens if I say yes to shagging then they finish and in a couple of weeks she wants the next one in?! Noooooo.

She hasn't had sex yet, and I haven't spoken to his mum yet, but I get the impression that we are both of the same opinion.

They're going to have to be inventive.

Of course there might well be the occasion where I am out shopping, or back late, but I had better not catch them!

Are you going to speak to his Mum?

Especially for girls I think it's always a good idea to keep BF away from sleeping over as it gives the young girl a safe space. If things are not going to well at least she can say 'you can't stay/ you have go as its late'