Went shopping yesterday-we got the mens shirts & trousers, but I cried when we got to the boxer shorts

[Floundering]

.....they are for my 17 year old DD.

My gorgeous sassy funny not so little girl has confided in me that she feels she is a boy trapped in a woman's body. Gender Dysphoria is our new buzz phrase.

Since she told me 10 days ago we've had doctors appointments for me & her, to arrange counselling, talked long and tearfully (both of us) and gone shopping. She wants to cut off her beautiful glossy mane, bind her chest and eventually start hormones. Luckily she favour the baggy shirts & jeans look so no vast difference yet.

I can't bear it.

I'm in a fog, wanting to support her but also wanting to shake some sense into her.

(BTW not bothered about me, but have NC for this I did post a one off post on another thread the night it all happened but forgot to NC & got it pulled so if you saw that please don't out me for her sake. )

Since puberty she has had massive gynae issues, multiple A&E visits and admissions for various operations. Part of me wonders whether she has had such a shit time as a female that subconsciously she feels being male would be easier. But then I wonder if I'm in denial as I can't get my head round it. She says she is sure.

I have been researching transkids and it seems if they get to late teens and are sure then they rarely change back.

I am in so much pain at the thought of what she wants to do & the fact that the poor love is so mentally unhappy she is prepared to do it.

Not sure why I'm posting except I need to find someone who can share their experiences as the mum of a trans kid. I know the technical side of things, I worked on some of the first sex change ops back in the day and that makes things worse in a way.(although I know things have refined since then & yes its waaay down the line)

I'll stop now I'm waffling but please dear nest of vipers if you have any crumb of comfort bung it my way. This will be a long haul whichever way it goes.

Can't find the MN guidebook for this one

[KillashandraRee]

Busy brain at 2/3 am is the worst. Everything always seems to go round and round at that time it's harder to be positive isn't it?
Have you tried nytol or meditation breathing that can sometimes help?
How is DS after the first testosterone injection? How long will it take to start having an effect? X

[Floundering]

Hi Killash yes it's a pain.

Have got some herbal tabs to try help they usually do.

DS is fine, was on a complete high all over the w/e so bound to have a come down & was quite flat yesterday & very needy/cuddly. Quite common I understand after wanting it for so long then after...nothing to show for it! Usually takes 2-3 injections to start to take affect although some changes might be evident before, basically we are all different aren't we so we shall see. He's perked up today, so that's good.

DD is not in a good place at the moment, trying to get her to the doctors this week. I hate not being able to help her, and really don't know how to handle it all apart from being there for her and trying to keep her well fed and gently pushing her to do a little more on good days.

[KillashandraRee]

Oh Floundering it must be so hard for you dealing with these two really difficult things for a parent.

I don't think you can do more for DD other than be there, love her and support her as you are. Depression is so debilitating.

How is your ex being at the moment?

[Floundering]

Hmm I posted a reply the other day & it went pouf!

giraffe not ignorant at all, I've been asking the same!

Yes he will, not looking forward to the mood swings & he already has an appetite like a locust so my food bills are set to rise !

[Floundering]

Kilkash ex is being very controlling, or trying to be, which upsets the kids , they know he's being an arse but he's still their dad so conflicting emotions.

[KillashandraRee]

Floundering how is everyone? Has DS had any more injections? How often does he have them?

Situation with Ex must be so difficult. Is his mother being better? Sorry I can't remember fully didn't she pretend it wasn't happening?

How're you doing this week? X

[Floundering]

Hi Killash
DS due another injection next week, he is doing well thanks, knackered from his holiday job which he is enjoying in terms of getting extra cash & his colleagues are kind to him so they can have a bit of a giggle at work. He's quickly realised how boring retail work can be so might spur him on with his studies, exam results soon too (eek ) fingers crossed he has done ok !

Relations with his Dad are thawing slowly but he still refuses to go to his house , Granny still refuses to acknowledge him but at 85 he accepts she probably won't change.

Dd is up & down but overall I think improving slowly.

Me, well I'm hanging on in there, upright & breathing! :)
Looking forward to a short break at a friends in Scotland at the end of the month. Can't really afford the time off work petrol etc but desperately need a rest & change of scenery will do us all good!

[KillashandraRee]

A break will be good for all of you. Glad things are looking better for DD and that DS is enjoying his job.

Time with a friend might be good for you too? Upright and breathing is great but sometimes its nice to have someone to lean on.

[Floundering]

Well another blow for poor DS

AS results were terrible, so not worth applying for Uni with them, needs to have an interview with his tutor after the holiday to make a forward plan, but feck knows what that'll be.

He has worked so bloody hard this year & despite his challenges and upsets has managed to not miss much college at all.

He is feeling very low, and unsure of his future, cant face the thought of another 2 years at college & living at home ( much as he loves us & me him!!)

We've had lots of tears & hugs, his DSis has been great with him & his best friend came round with beer & snacks so feeling a bit better now.

We will find a way forward, just maybe not what plan A was.

I just feel for him its knocked his self confidence & I just wanted him to be able to have a bit of good news for a change.

sigh onwards & upwards, is it too early for gin?!!

[KillashandraRee]

Good idea giraffe

Floundering how frustrating you must feel like it's one step forward two steps back at the moment for team floundering. Hope DS is ok (hope you found gin) xx

[Floundering]

Meeting one of his tutors on Monday. @3pm to discuss options so hoping for something like that Giraffe.


Also loking at HND's & RAF apprenticeships with a view to getting a Uni sponsorship.

Yes Killash does feel like that !!

[FaithLoveandHope]

Floundering I hope it's okay for me to post here, I don't have DC at all let alone teen DC but I do have friends who have gone FtM. I just wanted to say reading your thread has brought a tear to my eye, you seem to be dealing with this amazingly and your DC are very lucky to have you as their Mum. The way your ex has responded is atrocious and I hope one day he sees how amazing and courageous both his DC are - hopefully before the bridges are completely burned! I'm sorry to hear DS's AS results weren't as good as he hoped. You may have already thought about this but has he looked into doing a foundation course at university? Sometimes the grades required can be lower.

I know this thread is mostly about your DS but you mentioned your DD's mental health. I struggled with mental health issues throughout the whole of my undergraduate degree and very nearly dropped out several times. I'm now doing a PhD and (for the most part) am in a much better place mental health wise. It's such a difficult place to be and I so hope your DD gets the support she needs. Is she feeling any more positive about going back next month? Sorry if I missed this but has she looked into seeing the university counsellor? Some of them can be really good and can really help you get through the difficult times.

to you and it's definitely o'clock now isn't it?

[FaithLoveandHope]

Sorry, just saw giraffe suggested foundation course too.

[KillashandraRee]

Good luck for Monday will be waving pom-poms for you all xx

[Floundering]

Thanks all, will let you know how he gets on.

A foundation degree might be the way to go but sadly most seem to ask for A-levels of some kind which seems to defeat the object but we shall see!

Faith you are very sweet thank you for your Pm I shall answer later the links are v. useful. x

[FaithLoveandHope]

I was going to ask the same as NeedA yesterday. Hope all went well Floundering.

[KillashandraRee]

Hi floundering! Not sure if you've been back since password fiasco as I know your name was on list. Hope all is ok with DD and DS? I've only just come back on and lost all my conversations.

X

[Floundering]

Yoo-hoo I'm back!

Well what a bloody palaver that was, had a little break after the security breach then couldn't get back in even with a new password!

Anyway in now. Am away for w/e with friends so will update properly later when home on PC thanks for checking in on me ! :)

[KillashandraRee]

Yay you're back how is everything? X

[Floundering]

We did thanks Giraffe a much needed girls w/e with some good chums I've not know that long but have got to know very well as we have so much in common. A lot of giggles, wine & good food all good for the soul !!

Killash Hello

We're all really good thanks, although I almost hesitate to say that with my track record of lurching from one crisis to another !!

DS has stated an access course at his college,one year covering sciences, maths & IT with a view to doing a foundation degree in Physics next year.

He is so much better a place emotionally & mentally, it's lovely to see his confidence growing daily. He is well into his testosterone therapy now, sprouting facial hair, and his voice has broken, all very strange in one way but so right in another. He is talking about chest reconstruction surgery next year-eek!

He is enjoying his weekend job (or rather the payslip each month!) and is taking his driving test soon & we think we have an old banger lined up for him.

DD has gone back to Uni & is loving it so much more. She loves sharing her new digs (6 of them together all friends from last year) & the social life. She is getting back into the studying routine & as she is re-doing Year2 some of it is repeated & familiar so that helps to build her confidence. I hardly hear from her some weeks which is as it should be!! She has her deadlines for assignments this year & knows she has to pace herself & not leave it till the last minute which always stresses her.Also that it is OK to ask for advice & guidance from her tutors who have been great & welcomed her back with genuine pleasure it seems. She popped home for the w/e to keep DS company while I was away, & we had lots of cuddles when I got back on Sunday night.

They've both gone down to meet up in London to see Les Mis & then DS is going back to stay at her house as they are both off tomorrow.

So that's us, more on an even keel, I am trying to get back into normal life now the stress levels have dropped, at first I was really tired, just a reaction I think but getting over that now.

Hope you are all well- thinking of changing my name to DoryNotFloundering, what do you reckon??