Went shopping yesterday-we got the mens shirts & trousers, but I cried when we got to the boxer shorts

[Floundering]

.....they are for my 17 year old DD.

My gorgeous sassy funny not so little girl has confided in me that she feels she is a boy trapped in a woman's body. Gender Dysphoria is our new buzz phrase.

Since she told me 10 days ago we've had doctors appointments for me & her, to arrange counselling, talked long and tearfully (both of us) and gone shopping. She wants to cut off her beautiful glossy mane, bind her chest and eventually start hormones. Luckily she favour the baggy shirts & jeans look so no vast difference yet.

I can't bear it.

I'm in a fog, wanting to support her but also wanting to shake some sense into her.

(BTW not bothered about me, but have NC for this I did post a one off post on another thread the night it all happened but forgot to NC & got it pulled so if you saw that please don't out me for her sake. )

Since puberty she has had massive gynae issues, multiple A&E visits and admissions for various operations. Part of me wonders whether she has had such a shit time as a female that subconsciously she feels being male would be easier. But then I wonder if I'm in denial as I can't get my head round it. She says she is sure.

I have been researching transkids and it seems if they get to late teens and are sure then they rarely change back.

I am in so much pain at the thought of what she wants to do & the fact that the poor love is so mentally unhappy she is prepared to do it.

Not sure why I'm posting except I need to find someone who can share their experiences as the mum of a trans kid. I know the technical side of things, I worked on some of the first sex change ops back in the day and that makes things worse in a way.(although I know things have refined since then & yes its waaay down the line)

I'll stop now I'm waffling but please dear nest of vipers if you have any crumb of comfort bung it my way. This will be a long haul whichever way it goes.

Can't find the MN guidebook for this one

[DorynownotFloundering]

Hi Killa

Have decided to start a new thread as I keep losing this one but will save it as a P1 of my online diary. Self indulgent but it's helped so much.

See you in the other side. :)

[KillashandraRee]

How are things today dory? How is DD? How are you? DS seems to be the one I don't need to ask about these days which is testament to your amazing mothering!

What are you doing for Christmas? And how is ExH behaving you mentioned DS was at his the other day, has he come round to the changes any more?

Killa x

[DorynownotFloundering]

Thanks Gin ……… if you have a minute read on, you'll see it wasn't sadly but we're OK

[GinIsTheBestChristmasSpirit]

I read that and my underlying thought through it all was YOU ARE FUCKING AMAZING. It will be hard for you both whatever the end of the journey is but it sounds like you are doing your best and you have a great relationship with her. If it is just a reaction to gynae evilness counselling will throw that up.

[DorynownotFloundering]

[KillashandraRee]

BTW just realised a big reply I wrote to your previous message didn't post!!

[KillashandraRee]

Oh dory. It must be hard each time you hit a new milestone. Having to say goodbye to the pictures you once held in your mind of DS as he would be at this age. I know that you are happy that he is happier now and you will have new real experiences and memories to replace those dreams, but do allow yourself time to work through it all. You do so well supporting him and being positive but it is ok to want to grieve for the loss I think (absolutely no expert on this).
If you want to talk about it all on here happy to listen.
How is DD now? Has she finished her course? How are you are you feeling any better.
Thinking of you all hope you've had a better day today.

[DorynownotFloundering]

DS had a check up at the gender clinic today. All good, his testosterone levels are settling nicely & they hope to go onto 3 monthly jabs instead of 3 weekly , although it has to be phased in initially.

His doctors are going to refer him in January for consultation with a specialist for chest reconstruction, with a view to having his first op in early summer so he has recovered before going off to Uni.

He is buzzing about it & so excited, it will help his self confidence so much for when he leaves home.

I will get used to it before the op date I am sure but right now I'm in tears about it. Luckily he is at his dads tonight so I have had a self indulgent night with the dogs snuggled up on the sofa watching crap telly.

[DorynownotFloundering]

Hi Killash

Sorry keep logging on to answer & then get distractd /fall asleep!!

Glad you like the new NN- is it showing as the OP as it is to me? If not I'll start a new thread.

No haven't got ot the GP's yet, she is so booked up & I never seem to get in quick enough for the emergency slots!!

Things have been quite bad since I last posted. DS , thankfully is doing great, hormones seem to be kicking in & few side effects (apart from the odd bit of teen arseyness which I can cope with !!) Getting good grades for all his assignments & even better really enjoying it all -hoorah!!

DD has been struggling again after a promising start back. Enjoying living away from home & loves the course but her depression has come crashing back with deadlines approaching. She has gone back this week to talk to her tutor about withdrawing completely from Uni & just concentrate on getting well.

She is seeing a psychiatrist for a full evaluation & to see if there is anything extra he can suggest. So far it is positive that she is on the right path, & she really likes him so I think will benefit from his advice. Her GP's have been great but they aren't specialists so hopefully he'll have some further thoughts on how she can approach it all.

She feels relieved & somehow we are trying to ensure she can stay in her house-share with her lovely mates who have been so supportive. He life is there now, & although she will continue to come home often I think she will do better living there with her peers. We shall see how she cope with the new start.

To complicate matters I have lost my regular PT job as of January. Have 2 other ones but that was my bread & butter. It is going to be a lean Christmas.

However I refuse to let it get me down. Some close friends have their young daughter in hospital with brain damage after a horrific car crash so compared to their worries mine are bearable. Just so sad. Made me hug my two a little closer when we got the news.

What with all the terrorist stuff going on too the world is a very uncertain place.

[KillashandraRee]

Have you been for your referral to the gp? Are you any less tired?
How are DC's?
Sorry feels like a million questions but I like my updates to know how you are all doing. I often think about you all x

[KillashandraRee]

Oh nice name change I like it

[DorynownotFloundering]

evening all do you like the new NN?

[Floundering]

It is isn't it- thanks Giraffe

I'm better than I was but just feel so bloody tired all the time. getting a review with my GP asap have wondered if I have a degree of sleep apnoea, I snore like a warthog some nights (so attractive)

[Floundering]

Hi Giraffe!

Yes the course is just right for him& he is actually enjoying it & last week got his first merit for a maths assignment so well chuffed!! Each assignment has a pass/merit/distinction grading & to get into Uni he has to get something like 20 merits & 35 distinctions out of 70 assignments (if I have that right) he has had to alter his choices of Uni as not all do access courses but he has started his UCAS application. (Eek!)

He is away this week seeing his best friend at her Uni,he misses her a lot.

Thankfully this means I have had a quiet week which is just as well as I have been poorly with a kidney infection. Keeps happening & I feel shit physically which is annoying as in other ways I'm really so much better. Gone back to feeling so so tired so docs doing some more tests to check nothing else wrong. I keep dropping my Vit D levels bizarrely so am on supplements. Ah well we'll see.

[KillashandraRee]

I like Dory much more appropriate.

Wow so much good stuff is happening that's so great. So pleased to hear how well DS and DD are doing (and so much of that is down to you and how amazing you've been for both of them).

Lovely to have a weekend away with friends, laughter and wine, and great that you're feeling less tired. You have had to deal with an amazing amount you know, huge emotional upheaval, the move, exH and providing support for both your DC's through difficult times. That's enough to make anyone tired! Hope you get some time to look after yourself now.

Just keep swimming and keep us updated! Xx

[Floundering]

We did thanks Giraffe a much needed girls w/e with some good chums I've not know that long but have got to know very well as we have so much in common. A lot of giggles, wine & good food all good for the soul !!

Killash Hello

We're all really good thanks, although I almost hesitate to say that with my track record of lurching from one crisis to another !!

DS has stated an access course at his college,one year covering sciences, maths & IT with a view to doing a foundation degree in Physics next year.

He is so much better a place emotionally & mentally, it's lovely to see his confidence growing daily. He is well into his testosterone therapy now, sprouting facial hair, and his voice has broken, all very strange in one way but so right in another. He is talking about chest reconstruction surgery next year-eek!

He is enjoying his weekend job (or rather the payslip each month!) and is taking his driving test soon & we think we have an old banger lined up for him.

DD has gone back to Uni & is loving it so much more. She loves sharing her new digs (6 of them together all friends from last year) & the social life. She is getting back into the studying routine & as she is re-doing Year2 some of it is repeated & familiar so that helps to build her confidence. I hardly hear from her some weeks which is as it should be!! She has her deadlines for assignments this year & knows she has to pace herself & not leave it till the last minute which always stresses her.Also that it is OK to ask for advice & guidance from her tutors who have been great & welcomed her back with genuine pleasure it seems. She popped home for the w/e to keep DS company while I was away, & we had lots of cuddles when I got back on Sunday night.

They've both gone down to meet up in London to see Les Mis & then DS is going back to stay at her house as they are both off tomorrow.

So that's us, more on an even keel, I am trying to get back into normal life now the stress levels have dropped, at first I was really tired, just a reaction I think but getting over that now.

Hope you are all well- thinking of changing my name to DoryNotFloundering, what do you reckon??

[KillashandraRee]

Yay you're back how is everything? X

[Floundering]

Yoo-hoo I'm back!

Well what a bloody palaver that was, had a little break after the security breach then couldn't get back in even with a new password!

Anyway in now. Am away for w/e with friends so will update properly later when home on PC thanks for checking in on me ! :)

[KillashandraRee]

Hi floundering! Not sure if you've been back since password fiasco as I know your name was on list. Hope all is ok with DD and DS? I've only just come back on and lost all my conversations.

X

[FaithLoveandHope]

I was going to ask the same as NeedA yesterday. Hope all went well Floundering.

[Floundering]

Thanks all, will let you know how he gets on.

A foundation degree might be the way to go but sadly most seem to ask for A-levels of some kind which seems to defeat the object but we shall see!

Faith you are very sweet thank you for your Pm I shall answer later the links are v. useful. x