things that just don't work for you..

[HeavyHeidi]

Ordered another pleated midi skirt. In the ad and my imagination one would wear it with a simple plain t-shirt or blouse and it would make you look classic, elegant, have this summer in the city vibe.

In reality - Russian babushka with an arse the size of a small country.
It's always like that and every 6 months and so I will still order another, just to try if things have changed. They will not have changed.

Do others have stuff that just doesn't work as advertised?

Pleated skirts for me too. And wrap dressed - they never ever sit right across my bust (same with wrap tops etc) and I always keep trying.

Haha @HeavyHeidi and yes, yes I do - wrap dresses. Feel like they should be great on my hourglass figure, but the reality is that I always look matronly & the tie adds bulk to the slimmest part of me 

Yet I still keep buying them to try!

Oh no @Wakemeup17 they've got you with the great wrap dress con as well!!!

Dresses , I look ridiculous in any style.
Given up on them

Wide leg trousers.
I look dreadful in them.

Yup, wrap dresses, total con. They are always sold as flattering for big boobed women, accentuate your waist and make you look slimmer. On me? Here's my chest, the rest is coming!

Hats

Shorts. My legs are awful, even when I was underweight and exercising like a mad thing.

Cami/swing tops.Tits too big make me look bulky.

I've lost weight recently and am in theory slim enough to wear a crop top and high waisted leggings to the gum but it looks awful as I have a short body.

I look much better in low slung shorts and a bikini top but that's a bit slutty for the gym 😄 so I wear leggings and a sports vest. I'm envious of women who can pull the above look off though

Blazers - they wear me, I don’t wear them
Yet I have three unworn in my wardrobe

Little black dress. Actually black anything. Looks like I'm the cause of the funeral not an attendee.

Open sandals.
In my head I'm skipping around all lovely and fresh with my beautiful tanned and manicured toes poking out of my lovely strappy sandals.
In real life I'm Frodo but with longer big toes. I look less like I'm going for an aperitif in a posh pavement cafe and more like I'm hiking to Mordor.

Anything that doesn't go in at the waist makes me look like the back end of a bus as I have wide hips & a broad back: 20s style flapper dresses, for example.

Wide leg trousers
Think I should look like a hip and on trend older woman... Sort of slightly shorter more busty Kate moss... No I look like the lovechild of a weeble and dipsy the purple telly tubby

I am the same with pleated midi skirts. I have two and even when worn with converse and a tucked plain t-shirt, I look dumpy and twice my age.

I have a lovely dark grey tube-necked knee-length coat with concealed buttons. Worn with biker boots and a fedora one day, caught sight of myself in the mirrored lifts at work looking like Herr Flick’s apprentice.

Floaty slightly hippie dresses. I like to excuse a laid back vibe. But I try them on, look in the mirror and in my head plays Hall of the Mountain King music.

Long linen lines; wide leg natural linen colours, want to look like Katherine Hepburn. Not at 5 ft 4 I don't.

Exude not excuse

I came on to say wrap dresses too. Often recommended as perfect for my shape but they never got round the boobs and leave me with more spare tyres than a scrapyard.

Oh god linen is the other thing. Why do I keep buying linen? Yes in theory I would look all casual and cool and summery, in reality I look like I live in my car.

I like a pleated midi and have a few. Wrap dresses or tops, just no. I had one lovely one from Plumo but it required so much adjusting, while I was wearing it, that I never felt comfortable in it.

Bloody wrap dresses. They make me look like a zeppelin docking station.

Cropped tops/jumpers/cardigans etc
I have a disproportionately long torso and substantial boobs and they just look like wooly bras.

Body con dresses
ive had 6 kids and have the tummy to prove it

anything with frills-I just look like one of those dolly toilet roll covers

girlfriend jeans-I have long legs but they just cut me in half

peplum tops/dresses-my hips are massive-I don’t need the bulk

shorts-I have generous thighs

the colour mustard-I look like Bart simpsons big (fatter) sister

Short-waisted and curvy here - nothing belted or tucked in ever looks good (even at my slimmest).

Bottoned shirts not great either as busty but narrow shouldered. If it fit on shoulders, it's boob gap time!

I look great in wide leg trousers, hats and shorts - but I can't wear those loose fitting dresses that are so fashionable right now. I'm only a size 10, but in them I look like a perambulating tent.