Letting my hair go grey at 43

[Blurpblorp]

I've been dyeing it brown for 15 years and am just fed up. Had enough of the unfair beauty standard. Had enough of feeling shame / embarrassment when my roots grow through. Fed up of the expense of dyeing it.

My hair is a salt and pepper colour with white streaks I think, but currently dark blonde. Has anyone got any tips for dealing with this transition, then for life with grey hair at a relatively young age? How to deal with the awful way it looks while it grows out... Any shampoo recommendations? I have quite a lot of black in my wardrobe so imagine I might have to wear different colours?

I've got bob length hair, am alright looking, decent skin, niceish figure although my hair is shit really fine. I think if I keep it cut nicely and in good condition I could pull it off. Don't want to look old before my time. I'm really excited about it but would appreciate any advice!

I'm not convinced, I think the dye looks ageing as well.

My dh is supportive, could the toxins In the dye age your body internally?

Plus my hair feels healthy and possibly thicker

I have dyed for a long time but lockdown has been a revelation

Tbh i don't give a flying fig what a man including my husband thought about my grey hair yes it is ageing of course it is but there is nothing wrong with looking 40 or 50. My friend has grey hair she looks her age and she looks fantastic.

I couldn't give a shit if men don't like it why would I?
My hair is fucking epic.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

TED Talk

Nothing wrong with looking your age but if you are grey at 40 you don't look 40 you look 60 !!
Of course it is not all for a man and if people want to go grey work away but there is absolutely no getting away from the fact it is massively aging. You don't look your age with a full head of grey hair you look older, no matter what condition your skin is.
I have really bad hair and I often think bad hair is more aging that bad skin.

We should be worried about what men think about our hair?!!!

My 43 year old friend who is wholly grey and currently batting off the attentions of several men in their late 20s and early 30s would argue against it being offputting.
I have thick silver streaks, 40 and regularly assumed to be early 30s so the ‘you’ll look 60 argument’ falls flat as well.

I tell you what is aging though - thinking women should base how they look on what men will find attractive and being terrified of ‘aging’.

@Cocolapew thank you for your TED talk, wholeheartedly co-sign!

I don't look older than 51. Going grey doesn't age you by 20 years FFS.
You say bad hair is more aging but I don't have bad hair

I thought about ditching the dye and have terrible roots now as I was due a colour the week after lockdown. However, I don’t have enough greys to pull it off and it looks absolutely rubbish. So I’ve got my appointment booked to have it coloured again next week. I am the ultimate in lazy - I don’t do my eyebrows, wear make up or wear nail varnish but I do have my hair coloured and cut every 8-10 weeks and I think it makes me look like I vaguely care what I look like!

Poor 85 year old Dame Judi she clearly has turned to dust what with the ageing grey hair her partner must be totally repulsed! My friend is all grey she looks in her 40s because she is in her 40s.

I look my age - not bothered about looking younger and I don't look 60 because my face doesn't look 60. I've had compliments about my grey hair from men and women. It's in great condition and I don't have a shampoo and set, I have a good cut. Dyeing your hair too dark for your skin tone looks worse than being naturally grey.

It's when you need to colour every 4 weeks with roots at 3 you think it's too high maintenance

@workshy44 I think you are equating grey hair with bad hair.
They aren’t the same.

My hair has never been better since I gave up dye.

I agree woodhill the upkeep is so much maintenance and it really took me until lock down to realise how often I was at the hairdressers and I don't think I'll be colouring my hair again although I might be "letting myself go"

I don't equate bad hair to grey hair I was saying I have bad hair and I think it ages me.
I think grey hair at 60 is ok but I can't see how anyone doesn't think grey hair at 40 is not aging. The op was asking for advise- thats mine !

Unless they are on TV, actors, pop musicians or professional sportsmen (think premiership footballers who bleach their hair), how many men do you know of who dye their hair? Probably very few.

It's a load of sexist crap that women look older/aged with grey hair, but it's okay for men to have grey hair or, worse, they look distinguished rather than old. Women are conditioned to think they must cover their grey. If you want to cover your own grey hair then that's your choice, but please let's not perpetuate this crap about women only being attractive and desirable if they look young.

Hi

To add my 2 cents I stopped dying my hair a few years ago - slightly below shoulder length fine (but lots of hair) brunette originally. Its grey at the front and pepper and salt through the rest - definitely not the silver mane I was hoping for. I got very negative comments from lots of random people - esp with a few drinks on them. Have to say though the relief from not constantly stressing about my roots, time and cost of hairdressers and scalp irritation is worth it to me. My hairs still looks well when blow dried and cared for generally. I look well in overall terms when I have made an effort - same as with dyed hair. Looking back to the end of my dying career the colour looked fake against my complexion and I can honestly say didn't suit me. I got fed up of buying into the expectation that I would continue to colour my hair because I am a woman. I am still massively jealous of all the lucky people who have very little or no grey in their 40's and later but after 20+ years of colouring my hair I am done for the moment at least. I will say though to get my hair back to just below shoulder length and colour free has taken 3 years so its not a quick process if your hair is longer and you want to get back to that length again.

FFS Women will say they love it but I have yet to hear a man say he likes grey hair.

Seriously because that's why I get up in the morning...in case a MAN looks at me. What are we - in the 1950's?

Go for it OP. If you want a softening of the transition line it can be done with foils on the top - it really helped mine look ombre while it was growing out. Like many PPs I had got darker and darker with dyes and the regrowth looked awful. Not to mention hair condition, cost and time of keeping up.

At the bottom of my decision (and not one I talk about much) is about authenticity. My hair is this colour. So my hair stays this colour. This is who I am and if someone has a problem with it - that's their problem. I don't care if someone thinks I look 20 years older...judge away people - I'll get on with living my life thanks.

I have long hair with grey streaks and I wear it curly, which is probably breaking all sorts of rules. I often wear it up in a big curly bun and I love it! Have never asked what my DH thinks, he's a lot greyer than I am.

Try it OP, you can always go back to dying it again.

Mercedes519 I feel that about my curly hair. I spent decades straightening it until one day I couldn't be bothered any longer, it was especially hard to get the grey parts straight. My hair does look a bit mad sometimes, but as you say, this is who I am.

Wow this thread is an eye opener. I adore my silver streaks.... am nowhere near 40 yet. I don’t think they age me , I think they’re beautiful.
Never had any complaints from men, not that I’d give a fuck . Wouldn’t really be in to a man obsessed with youth anyway, awful trait in a life partner.

I think women should quite obviously do as they choose with their own hair but I've never seen a woman who's let their hair go grey look anything but older

That's fine if you're cool with that - after all, why should we strive to look young? - but it wouldn't be for me.

I am debating about how to deal with the increased grey I have. My roots are 2 inches as last coloured early Feb. Historically I had highlights then started with full colour 3 years ago. I am 59 so worried about looking older. I have my hair short and layered so the regrowth has been disguisable to an extent. A friend was saying my grey at the front was a really bright silver but I know that elsewhere it is more patchy and darker. I am wondering about whether it could be dyed bright silver all over like an ash blonde and will ask the hairdresser.

My hairdresser told me no one has grey hair it is silver

My mum is an ash blonde she used to be dark like me and went for the lighter in her 50s it's nice.

Don’t you think this ages you 20 bollocks is because historically women have died their hair to please men and now we’re all thinking fuck that and aging as nature intended. We’re all used to seeing women with dyed hair we use hair colour as an indicator of age. The more women who own their grey the more common it will be ad we’ll start being able to judge age properly again.

I’m 40 and have a few greys that I’ve decided not to bother colouring as it seems so bloody time consuming and I’ve got better things to do with my time. I couldn’t give a shiny shit what men think about it.