Letting my hair go grey at 43

[Blurpblorp]

I've been dyeing it brown for 15 years and am just fed up. Had enough of the unfair beauty standard. Had enough of feeling shame / embarrassment when my roots grow through. Fed up of the expense of dyeing it.

My hair is a salt and pepper colour with white streaks I think, but currently dark blonde. Has anyone got any tips for dealing with this transition, then for life with grey hair at a relatively young age? How to deal with the awful way it looks while it grows out... Any shampoo recommendations? I have quite a lot of black in my wardrobe so imagine I might have to wear different colours?

I've got bob length hair, am alright looking, decent skin, niceish figure although my hair is shit really fine. I think if I keep it cut nicely and in good condition I could pull it off. Don't want to look old before my time. I'm really excited about it but would appreciate any advice!

@AKissAndASmile I think it depends on what you have been doing to your hair before you decide to stop colouring. My hairdresser advised against stripping out the colour and dyeing it grey as it's a lot to put the hair through and if your hair is healthy you want to keep it that way. Plus, you only see a bit of your roots and don't know what your natural grey will actually be like. If I'd done that I still would have had to grow out the grey dye.

I agree people still aren't used to younger women going grey, so presume you might be older, but it's definitely changing, probably due to people dyeing their hair silver/grey.
I think lockdown has changed women's attitude to their hair too, they weren't bothered by their grey roots so much because everyone was in the same boots .

Ok so this is clearly hugely outing but what the heck, I’m due a name change. I stopped dying my hair in October, the top two to three inches are my natural colour, ie white. The rest has been highlighted and toned to blend in. I’d be interested to know old you put me at.

For me it’s the best thing I have ever done, dying it every three-four weeks was exhausting and it only ever looked good for two of those weeks before the grey would start coming through. That made me sadder than having natural coloured hair could ever do.

And I’m not sure what DH thinks of it. I’ve never asked him because it’s my hair 😳 I’m a crap wife in so many other respects that this probably doesn’t even register 😂

@WhistlersandJugglers

I'm mid 40s and dark haired with a lot of silver at the front. I've never coloured my hair and have no plans to do so. I just find life busy with work, kids, house etc and I don't need anything else on my schedule. I've had some mildly positive comments and no negative ones. Wanting to look young is a strange concept really. If you are lucky you might have grey hair for much longer than your original colour.

Yes this... wanting to look young. Personally I want to own the age I'm at and don't want to become ageless as I get older. Society doesn't affirm it but it's still possible to be vivacious with grey hair. I want to attract people based on the way I am / things I do, and for me that will probably include a man at some stage (for romance). I hope being myself will fast track me to the kind of people I'm looking for

Posted before I was finished - my post is IN NO WAY a criticism of anyone. I know ladies who own their age with dyed hair... but it doesn't feel natural on me.

I stopped colouring my hair a year ago at 46. It was originally very dark brown and I started noticing grey at 20. Dying very dark brown was no longer suiting me with age so.i went lighter but it kept going slightly orangey. So I had a short pixie as a quick route. I love the cut. Not as silver as I would like, still very salt and pepper but personally don't think I look older and I have had lots of compliments. Look better in photos too.

@Wrongdissection late 30s/40?

Wrong

Think your skin looks similar to mine so guessing 43?

@Wrongdissection your white is exactly the shade I’m hoping mine will go. My nan went this shade at 30 so I’m hoping I get those genes as well as her hairy chin ones!

I would put you at mid 30s.

Oh and to the person who said men don’t like women with grey hair I just remembered the time an ex left me for someone else - I was dyeing my hair religiously, she was totally grey!

Internalised misogyny is a way bigger issue when it comes to grey hair than actual men.

Wrong, you look younger than me and Im 40.

Late 30’s is right. 37 to be precise. Although even the guess of 43 isn’t 20 years older than my actual age so I’m winning on the white hair front 😉

I was 44 when I’d had enough. I hadn’t seen my natural colour for over 23 years. I ignored my hairdresser’s schtik about how it would make me look older - she would say that, wouldn’t she? She was losing an income stream.

I had a pixie cut and went cold turkey. All the colour was gone in two cuts. It was the best thing I’ve ever done. It’s silver now. This isn’t me but the hair is identical in colour and style. It’s 22 years since I ditched the dye and I’ve never regretted it or considered colouring it again for a second. I was grey when I met my husband and the first compliment he ever paid me was that he loved my hair.

A really excellent cut is essential and I love a strong lip colour with it.

I think hair colour, Botox, fillers etc do not change the age a person looks. Most people look within a range of 7 years of their age no matter what they have done.

@Wrongdissection

Ok so this is clearly hugely outing but what the heck, I’m due a name change. I stopped dying my hair in October, the top two to three inches are my natural colour, ie white. The rest has been highlighted and toned to blend in. I’d be interested to know old you put me at.

For me it’s the best thing I have ever done, dying it every three-four weeks was exhausting and it only ever looked good for two of those weeks before the grey would start coming through. That made me sadder than having natural coloured hair could ever do.

And I’m not sure what DH thinks of it. I’ve never asked him because it’s my hair 😳 I’m a crap wife in so many other respects that this probably doesn’t even register 😂

Your hair is beautiful! I would've said mid / late thirties

@Starsabove1 internalised misogyny is right. I speak more harshly to myself than any man has ever spoken to me. Time to be kinder.

@Alsohuman a good cut and strong lip colour - I'm all over that. Would love to get my look to that point. And any excuse to wear my Ruby Woo lipstick.

I've got two DDs and want them to see me ageing well. They're very intrigued by my grey roots, my 8 year old said I look like an old lady Hopefully though they'll grow up seeing their mum being awesome with grey hair and not being afraid to go against the grain a bit.

You look absolutely fucking gorgeous @Wrongdissection. If ever anyone gave the lie to grey hair being ageing, it’s you.

My sister is doing at 32 and she's 75 Percent grey. I first I was like ugh it's going to age you not that I said that. And tbh it did at first, now it's a good 10cm + it's started to look nice and chic. Kind of medatranian chic as she has otherwise dark hair and features. I'm pleased she is doing what is comfortable for her.

I'm only 5 percent at most but it's right at the front so I keep on dying it, takes me 40 mins every 4 weeks and I use a third of a bottle from esalon time so it's low cost and covers them well. So I'll be a slave to the due for many more years to come and I'm nearly 40 myself. Good luck!

This was taken a couple of months ago so my hair is a bit longer but this is my colour, it's gets darker towards the back but I can see it lightening even from a few months ago.

@Wrongdissection I was going to say mid to late 30s max. I love your hair!

Wrongdissection you look lovely

There are a couple brilliant group on Facebook called Silver Sisters and Grombre.
They are very supportive and keep me on track I am 33 and 5 months without dye and living it.
My natural silver has beautiful tones.

I stopped colouring mine 18 months ago, I'm 46. I used to spend hours and ££ getting an all over 'natural' colour, with added blonde foils through the top to break up the grey roots when they came through. I was convinced I was really grey because my roots used to look really bad when they needed doing. That in itself used to make me feel 'old'! There were only a couple of weeks really when my hair looked completely root-free and then I was aware of the grey, had to make an appointment, pay eye-watering sums of money and sit for hours - only to repeat the cycle all over again in few weeks! And it would only get worse as I got older and greyer!

After much deliberation I decided to go for it - my roots were a few inches long by then. I got a massive amount chopped of the length as well and luckily my hair grows really fast so it didn't take too long to grow out.
I'm so happy I did it! My natural hair has so many different tones in it (including the grey) that the dye just hadn't been able to replicate. I'm not actually as grey as I always thought and feared that I was - it's mostly in streaks at the front and underneath at the sides. In fact I actually wish I was more grey as it would look more striking! My hair is in far better condition now - thicker and shinier, than when I used to colour it. I certainly don't feel 'old' for looking in the mirror and seeing grey hair - it looks better than the roots I used to fret about covering. Like the poster above - I really feel like my 'authentic self' now.

I think it depends on whether you care about looking older or not.

In my experience, it always ages the person, if that doesn’t bother you, then that’s great. It would bother me a lot, in my opinion the hassle is worth it.

Oh, give over @Mrstwiddle. We put the ageing myth to bed with Wrongdissection’s post.

I think if you had lighter hair and you go silver it looks pretty stunning imo, as the pictures show.

I have dark hair and it is maybe 5% white now. Not looking forward to my 40s.