Adult SC and downsizing - WWYD?

[BlatchFord]

DP has three children from his previous relationship, twin SS19s and SD16. We have DS9. I wanted another but he felt we couldn’t afford it. We have always had SC on weekends and holidays (their choice and their mum’s), and now they’re late teens, it’s more like only one weekend in four and overseas holidays.

We have a five bedroom house. I am the breadwinner. To afford a house this size, we bought in the not-nice side of town. The secondary school we are in catchment for is failing with very poor results. The other side of town has good schools but properties are more expensive and to move there we would need to downsize to a three bedroom house.

Now SC are becoming adults, and rarely here, I want to move so DS can attend a good school. DH doesn’t want to until SC live independently.

AIBU?

Well that’s a false equivalence - but I expect you know that really and are being disingenuous.

How about:

“AIBU to stop paying unilaterally for my boyfriends weed smoking, disrespectful and disruptive adult sons who haven’t worked a day in their lives and don’t engage in education or training either. I personally have solely paid for every holiday to date for at least the last 10 years - whilst they have all rinsed and disrespected me. AIBU”

So much denial and delusion it’s painful to read.

No wonder so many adults fail to launch with the attitude that at 20 lying about not going to college or having a job is ok and dad should keep paying for a car and phones!!

Agree.
All of my childrens friends had part time jobs during university, it is the norm, and they were all privately educated.
It is about more than the money.
They learn so much, particularly in jobs that are dealing with the public.
They have gained so much from it, not least to value money, as previously we were their ATM.

When I first moved in with my now-husband my eldest two were at university. He gave up what was a spare room for my son, with us full time, the rarely used dining room as a bedroom for my younger daughter, and accepted a sofa bed in his study for when the eldest came to visit. (Had a job and flat with boyfriend lined up by that stage.)

Can you identify an actual house/house design where you can be a bit more creative with the space? Some bedrooms downstairs for example.

Wanting to move for schooling is quite understandable, but so it needing to provide a home for young adults.

My DH has 3 adult kids. Late teens/early 20’s. All three live at home with their mum and have no intention to ever move out. So you could wait until they’re all living independently, but you could be waiting many many years.

We sold our large house in the area they lived in, we just simply couldn’t afford it anymore. They never stayed over anyway. I was made redundant during pregnancy and ended up hospitalised so couldn’t work. DH’s salary barely covered the mortgage. Originally I was going to go back to work 6wks pp so we could afford to keep the house, but I wouldn’t have been well enough to get back to work at that point.

Your DS is just as important as they are. His needs matter too! I’d downsize personally and move to an area that suits you all. Especially as they’re not actively using the extra space.