Step kids want to live with us full time.

[ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

My dh has two children to a previous relationship. They are with us Friday to Monday every other weekend. I have one child and we have one child together.

Our blended family works fairly well. Step kids are lovely and a credit to their mother. Dh is a bit of a Disney dad, but does put a lot of time into them.

I have a great relationship with the kids, but this is because I don’t parent them at all, as in I don’t force them to clean up, do homework etc. I just enjoy the fun parts of life with them.

Our time with them is fun, they have boundaries but it’s generally the fun house. The kids want to live here full time. I don’t think it’s a good idea because I am not going to put the time into parenting them like I do with my kids. My dh works until late so most of the parenting would be left to me.

The kid’s parents are negotiating what to do, but I don’t know if I should be honest about my concerns.

💐

I agree with you on this.

It saddens me to read the children have had dirty clothes and no lunch.
Yes, the father should step up, hopefully that will happen, but in the meantime don't neglect your stepchildren.

The level of selfishness on this thread towards stepchildren is upsetting. It's all about the adults asserting their rights and sod the kids or their needs.

For that reason, I'm out.

Also, I forgot to suggest that the eldest of the step dc perhaps learn to do laundry and make their own sandwiches? I did this for myself when I was 9! I enjoyed doing my own laundry (my mom of course would wash my things if I wanted, but once I learned how I enjoyed doing it). And I made my own lunches the night before and kept it in the fridge to take to school. So dc are also capable from a certain age to help out. I decided to make my own lunches/dinners from a young age because I was not a fan of how my mother did them. She always put way too much meat in the sandwiches and for dinners she cooked things like steak and other dishes I was not a fan of.

@Carpediemmakeitcount please take your blinkers off and read @ICanBuyMyOwnBooks post again. This is sheer neglect and OPs DH is likely useless with all his DC. OP has gone on to have a child with this man, the 2 DC are dependants... come on. Is that all you have to say?

Yes, exactly this. Poor kids.

But some schools can’t just accept children in breakfast/after school clubs on an ad hoc basis and with no payment. Ratios need to be maintained. Schools shouldn’t be expected to feed children without payment or proper notification. Can you imagine if everyone had this lax attitude to parenting?

Yes, agreed.

They had lunch. School lunch.

I agree, the DH is a lax parent and if I were the OP I’d not only not want the stepchildren there more but I wouldn’t want to be there either, he’s a crap dad and I wouldn’t stay in a relationship with
someone who treated his children and me the way he does.

I agree, that particular example is awful. They have communication issues at the very least. With PP talking about "forced adoption" and not doing anything for stepkids in all the other examples the OP mentions, I assumed the point being made was that she didn't consent to being left in charge with them. Even if my husband went to work before I got up and I was forced to care for them against my will, I would still make ensure my stepkids didn't feel like no one gave a shit about their welfare.

OP has gone on to have kids with a dad who has EOW and can't even be arsed to do that properly. Dress it up how you like but it doesn't look good on OP at all. Some of you are speaking as though ALL the DC are friends FFS the 3 of them are all siblings. Sorry but I couldn't date a man parenting like this it's an absolute RED flag by far. Be blind if you want to. How OP has gone on to have a child to him....

Maybe the school is like my kids primary…. They go in and decide on the day if they want lunch. No pre planning needed.

Is it me neglecting them if I was there mother or step mother I would drop them to school late with a packed lunch and I would wash their school clothes on a Friday ready for Monday morning. I don't neglect children to make a point I was mentally abused as a child myself. My parents couldn't be bothered only interested in themselves I went no contact in the end and now their dead. A weight of my shoulders.

Such a good example of a lack of comprehension skills

How so? I was replying to a poster who
said that the children had no lunch. They did have lunch.

And I would also suggest the OP knows the lunch arrangements better than we do at the school, and knew that this was an option.

Hey, I have an idea! Maybe the oldest stepchild could do all the household chores, including all the cooking, laundry and mending! She could have a menagerie of woodland animals as her only friends and then when there in a ball, her fairy godmother could come...oh sorry, I think that's the plot of Cinderella!

Not by you. By so, so many people on this thread. I got fed up pointing out that they'd had school lunch about 4 hours ago!

On a Sunday, I used to freeze a week's supply of sandwiches for work in the 80s, I guess I was neglecting myself and should have reported myself to social services

Just wanted to point out this one last thing. OP said

"Dh is a bit of a Disney dad, but does put a lot of time into them."

So he does do things for his children, he just needs a bit of help and OP is refusing to give that help which is what a lot are not agreeing with.

Sorry to hear that @Carpediemmakeitcount. Hugs to you.

Ah, gotcha 😀

maybe you could report yourself retrospectively and get flung in to the Tower?

You commented on my post. I have given a fair opinion she's not the mother to the 2 other kids granted and if you read all my posts it isn't her sole responsibility. However there's only so much slack I personally can cut OP... she's not just the girlfriend she has a child to this man. So unfortunately for her it makes her complict to this situation and YES I took your comment as you was enabling OP to behave like this. If I misunderstood you... apologies!

OP hasn't wrote that she has tried speaking with the kids mother or she has spoken to her husband about what is going on and he needs to be a parent. So yes in my book it makes it even worse in my book. She's just sat back watching the whole thing..I've not read a thread like it.

Aaargh!

OP has said he does the fun things, like spending all day at sport events with them. Why should OP “help” him learn how to use the washing machine and make sandwiches and help with homework etc? He has had two kids for longer than she has had two kids!

You absolutely made up the bit about OP planning to do the laundry so she didn't have to do the DSC uniforms. That is an invention on your part. It's also a separate point to you saying she could plan to do the laundry at weekend (there's that 'she' again, heaven forbid he do it).

As for fun things, that doesn't appear to be his problem. He likes that bit. It's the boring but necessary stuff, and he doesn't even do that for his own let alone OPs.

I have been known to wear trousers for a week and a t-shirt for 2 days, I do change my underwear at least daily though! That probably should be added to my charge sheet