Page 25 | Step kids want to live with us full time.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh · 2023-08-22T01:30:32+00:00

My dh has two children to a previous relationship. They are with us Friday to Monday every other weekend. I have one child and we have one child together. Our blended family works fairly well. Step kids are lovely and a credit to their mother. Dh is a bit of a Disney dad, but does put a lot of time into them. I have a great relationship with the kids, but this is because I don’t parent them at all, as in I don’t force them to clean up, do homework etc. I just enjoy the fun parts of life with them. Our time with them is fun, they have boundaries but it’s generally the fun house. The kids want to live here full time. I don’t think it’s a good idea because I am not going to put the time into parenting them like I do with my kids. My dh works until late so most of the parenting would be left to me. The kid’s parents are negotiating what to do, but I don’t know if I should be honest about my concerns.

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SheilaFentiman · 22/08/2023 13:51

"Or if can't she should inform the mom to send them to hers with a spare clean uniform set..."

Or... and hear me out here... their dad could buy them one.

Naunet · 22/08/2023 13:52

SamPoodle123 · 22/08/2023 13:46

Also, I find this terrible, that you can not bother to at least wash their clothes. Sending them into school with dirty uniforms every Monday is appalling. How hard is it to do a load Friday after school? You can toss their things with your things....geez.

I assume this comment was aimed at their father?

toomuchlaundry · 22/08/2023 13:52

@Namechangedforthis2244 don’t think anyone thinks the DH is doing fine, the complete opposite in fact, and there aren’t many posters saying the DC moving in full-time is a good idea unless firm boundaries are in place. But many posters are saying it is not fair to neglect the step kids whilst they are in your home, whichever adult role you have in the family

PinkCherryBlossoms · 22/08/2023 13:52

SamPoodle123 · 22/08/2023 13:50

Yes, I saw that, but she could do the laundry when she has her step kids Friday when they are home from school. I do not think this is that difficult and it is basic care. I get that she does not want them full time and that is too much to ask, but sending them in dirty clothes every Monday that she has them over the weekend just seems terrible.... Or if can't she should inform the mom to send them to hers with a spare clean uniform set...

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That you fail to even mention their father says everything.

SheilaFentiman · 22/08/2023 13:53

By the way, we have no idea whether OP or her DH is with the DSC after school on a friday, given she also works. Maybe that is his day to pick them up.

In any event, if it is her on a friday, saturday morning for DH to run a wash would give ample time....

AaaaaandBreathe · 22/08/2023 13:54

YetAnotherSpartacus · 22/08/2023 12:58

A penis doesn’t stop you working a washing machine. Their DAD knows, he thinks it’s fine, it’s not OPs job to ‘correct’ his parenting. Is he being spiteful too by not doing it?

Exactly.

The depressing thing about this thread with all the 1950s martyr mummies on it is that it portends that the next generation will be a repeat of the same-old, same-old, as little boys learn that they cunty people are there to do their work for them.

Nah, more like pick (or if you didn't realise before marrying) choose to stay with a better husband and Dad. Don't choose to stay with one that neglects his children while you stand by and watch.

Would be the same if a Dad came on here saying he knew his wife doesn't provide her children with basic care but stays with her anyway because it's not his problem and does nothing about it, not even tell the other parent.

OP is fine because not her problem.She only cares now because she doesn't want them living there. DH is fine because he clearly doesn't see an issue/can't be bothered. Only people losing out are the kids.

Some PP are thinking solely about the kids. No idea why people can't understand that.

Naunet · 22/08/2023 13:56

SheilaFentiman · 22/08/2023 13:51

"Or if can't she should inform the mom to send them to hers with a spare clean uniform set..."

Or... and hear me out here... their dad could buy them one.

God forbid, his dick might drop off 😱

AaaaaandBreathe · 22/08/2023 13:56

Sorry, should have said husband not Dad because they wouldn't be his children.

SheilaFentiman · 22/08/2023 13:56

AaaaaandBreathe · 22/08/2023 13:54

Nah, more like pick (or if you didn't realise before marrying) choose to stay with a better husband and Dad. Don't choose to stay with one that neglects his children while you stand by and watch.

Would be the same if a Dad came on here saying he knew his wife doesn't provide her children with basic care but stays with her anyway because it's not his problem and does nothing about it, not even tell the other parent.

OP is fine because not her problem.She only cares now because she doesn't want them living there. DH is fine because he clearly doesn't see an issue/can't be bothered. Only people losing out are the kids.

Some PP are thinking solely about the kids. No idea why people can't understand that.

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So… OP leaves with her biological kids, one goes to their dad EOW.

Nothing changes for the DSCs, they still have dirty clothes.

SamPoodle123 · 22/08/2023 13:56

PinkCherryBlossoms · 22/08/2023 13:52

That you fail to even mention their father says everything.

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I was not aware it was the dad doing the laundry for the entire family? If that is the case, I think it is terrible, he would plan to do the laundry for the entire family during the week and leave out the other two kids...shame on him. Whoever does the family laundry should plan accordingly for the family, because like it or not the step kids are part of the family every other weekend...and that is just basic care. I get the poster does not want them full time as its too much work for her, esp if the husband is working long hours....

Laurdo · 22/08/2023 13:57

SheilaFentiman · 22/08/2023 13:51

"Or if can't she should inform the mom to send them to hers with a spare clean uniform set..."

Or... and hear me out here... their dad could buy them one.

Exactly. Mum's already doing her bit. SM asking mum to supply another clean uniform that she'll have had to launder etc again just skips around dad taking any responsibility.

AaaaaandBreathe · 22/08/2023 13:58

toomuchlaundry · 22/08/2023 13:52

@Namechangedforthis2244 don’t think anyone thinks the DH is doing fine, the complete opposite in fact, and there aren’t many posters saying the DC moving in full-time is a good idea unless firm boundaries are in place. But many posters are saying it is not fair to neglect the step kids whilst they are in your home, whichever adult role you have in the family

Exactly.

BoohooWoohoo · 22/08/2023 13:58

Maybe OP's children are young enough to get a school dinner or she pays for school dinners online so the idea of a packed lunch didn't pop into her head?
I doubt that anyone is there segregating teg washing. As it's the fun house, I imagine that the uniform is somewhere on the bedroom floor and the idea of laundry hasn't entered the minds of the kids. Not all kids get their clothes dirty every school day plus until they go through puberty, yesterday's clothes rarely smell bad like teens and adults.

PinkCherryBlossoms · 22/08/2023 14:00

SamPoodle123 · 22/08/2023 13:56

I was not aware it was the dad doing the laundry for the entire family? If that is the case, I think it is terrible, he would plan to do the laundry for the entire family during the week and leave out the other two kids...shame on him. Whoever does the family laundry should plan accordingly for the family, because like it or not the step kids are part of the family every other weekend...and that is just basic care. I get the poster does not want them full time as its too much work for her, esp if the husband is working long hours....

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Not being aware didn't stop you from filling in the blanks. And you're still doing it here. You were completely in the wrong to be telling OP what you did.

GrannyGoggins · 22/08/2023 14:03

@senior30 I completely agree with all your posts.

When you are with someone who already has children, there is always the possibility those children could come and live with you full time. That's just the way it is.

It also means that you are a blended family unit and take on extra duties when the stepchildren are around. I would rather wash uniform and make packed lunches every single day than do what the OP does.

AaaaaandBreathe · 22/08/2023 14:08

SheilaFentiman · 22/08/2023 13:56

So… OP leaves with her biological kids, one goes to their dad EOW.

Nothing changes for the DSCs, they still have dirty clothes.

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Well, yes because the Dad doesn't take responsibility. So all his kids will have dirty clothes because you can't force anyone to be a decent parent. And one can only assume the OP would be fine with that because she is fine with the SC having dirty clothes.

She knows it's wrong and doesn't care because they are not her children so out of 3 adults involved with them, only one (their Mum) can be bothered. But no one else has the decency to tell her what's actually happening.

YES it is the DH fault but you can't make someone do anything so the kids will still be dirty. Saying he should step up is correct, but he won't and OP is still happy with being with him.

Laurdo · 22/08/2023 14:09

BoohooWoohoo · 22/08/2023 13:58

Maybe OP's children are young enough to get a school dinner or she pays for school dinners online so the idea of a packed lunch didn't pop into her head?
I doubt that anyone is there segregating teg washing. As it's the fun house, I imagine that the uniform is somewhere on the bedroom floor and the idea of laundry hasn't entered the minds of the kids. Not all kids get their clothes dirty every school day plus until they go through puberty, yesterday's clothes rarely smell bad like teens and adults.

The kids probably don't even care that they're having to wear Friday's uniform on Monday.

We ask my 16yo DSS to bring his laundry basket down if he wants anything washed. He's not even expected to wash it just bring his basket down. He rarely does it and has often gone to school in dirty shirts. DH has spoken to him countless times about it and spoken to him about hygiene etc. Falls on deaf ears.

RenoDakota · 22/08/2023 14:10

Namechangedforthis2244 · 22/08/2023 13:48

I’m a single parent to two primary aged kids.

If I left my kids at home without a plan to get them to school, didn’t provide them lunch, didn’t wash their uniforms, didn’t pick them up from school, didn’t do the boring bits of parenting then most people would probably think I was quite a crap parent.

The op’s dh only has his kids every other weekend and he already does all of that. OP sometimes steps in to help with the worst of the safety stuff (eg not leaving them home alone). Thankfully. I can’t believe that so many people on this thread think op is doing something wrong here, but dad is doing fine.

You need to call the mum - be really clear about what dh does, what you do, and what doesn’t get done. Before the kids move in with you.

No-one here thinks the dad is 'doing fine'. They are both shit.

SunRainStorm · 22/08/2023 14:11

I imagine Mum has only agreed to this knowing it will be an absolute disaster and will revert to the current arrangements before long.

She's probably chuckling to herself, knowing her Ex DH wont be able to pull it together, and the 'fun' house wont seem so fun anymore.

TakeNoNoticeoftheNoise · 22/08/2023 14:14

SunRainStorm · 22/08/2023 14:11

I imagine Mum has only agreed to this knowing it will be an absolute disaster and will revert to the current arrangements before long.

She's probably chuckling to herself, knowing her Ex DH wont be able to pull it together, and the 'fun' house wont seem so fun anymore.

What an abhorrent attitude. Are you speaking from experience? You sound like my DH's ex.

Bignanny30 · 22/08/2023 14:15

They’re a couple aren’t they ? Even a family !!! Don’t they share 💁

diddl · 22/08/2023 14:21

I can't get over the uniform!

How long has he been having them just every other weekend?

And he doesn't think to wash their uniform?

Why hasn't he managed to get into a routine?

Pick them up from school on Fri, get them changed, wash uniform!

Custardslices · 22/08/2023 14:29

I'm wondering does your partner ever do your child's washing or making food?

This isn't a business this is meant to be a family unit. Your meant to help each other out, if uniform needs washing its up to both of you.

Good grief I hope they stay with their mother

SheilaFentiman · 22/08/2023 14:29

@ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh who picks them up from school on a Friday? I really hope it is him!

SheilaFentiman · 22/08/2023 14:30

Custardslices · 22/08/2023 14:29

I'm wondering does your partner ever do your child's washing or making food?

This isn't a business this is meant to be a family unit. Your meant to help each other out, if uniform needs washing its up to both of you.

Good grief I hope they stay with their mother

She has said that her DH is bad at doing chores.