Step kids want to live with us full time.

[ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

My dh has two children to a previous relationship. They are with us Friday to Monday every other weekend. I have one child and we have one child together.

Our blended family works fairly well. Step kids are lovely and a credit to their mother. Dh is a bit of a Disney dad, but does put a lot of time into them.

I have a great relationship with the kids, but this is because I don’t parent them at all, as in I don’t force them to clean up, do homework etc. I just enjoy the fun parts of life with them.

Our time with them is fun, they have boundaries but it’s generally the fun house. The kids want to live here full time. I don’t think it’s a good idea because I am not going to put the time into parenting them like I do with my kids. My dh works until late so most of the parenting would be left to me.

The kid’s parents are negotiating what to do, but I don’t know if I should be honest about my concerns.

Sorry but I just can't fathom sending your step kids to school with dirty uniform multiple times after they've stayed with you for the weekend. I'd have played hell with DH after the first time. Making sure your step children have clean clothes and food is pretty much the bare minimum you can do for them if they are living in your house every other weekend.

Does your husband do your child's washing? Cook for them? Take them to actives? etc Or does he only do it for your shared child?

I strongly suspect he doesn't cook or do laundry for any of his children.

How old are your SC, @ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh?

You need to answer the question about the agreed split on financials and childcare in your relationship? How many hours do you work? Are you contributing more financially? Is he supporting your child? Is he supporting you to work less hours? Are you able to do all the ‘parenting’ and birthday decorating to your own child because he’s supporting you?

I’m sorry but you sound like a major probelm and why the heck wasn’t their uniform washed!! I’ve had issues with my child’s dad his ex and their child however I still would not treat any child like that because it’s not their fault and how embarrassing sending them to school on dirty uniform what are you asking for them to smell and get bullied. If i was the mum and knew this I absolutely would not let this happen.

he forgets the boring bits

No he doesn’t, he chooses not to do them because he doesn’t see them as as important as the fun bits, and they encroach on the time he spends being fun daddy. And that is the issue, parents don’t get to pick and choose the cherry on the cake parts of parenting, they have to do the wiping up the vomit from the floor because too much cake got eaten bits too. If the partner was pulling his weight around the boring, repetitive, unseen grunt work of parenting his kids then I bet the OP wouldn’t mind at all if one weekend he suddenly said “ oh bugger, forgot the uniforms, would you mind putting a wash on while I sort out everyone’s packed lunches for tomorrow” but he doesn’t.

Why should the OP do anything for her step kids when this prick doesn’t do anything for his step child? Also the children are being neglected by their own father. People are slating the OP asking her why she chose to get with a man with children but aren’t skating the man and aren’t questioning why he bothered having children if he didn’t want to actively parent the two he has with his ex and why he’s working a job with late hours when he’s discussing his two children moving into the home, why can’t he find alternative employment so he can do this.

What a disingenuous comment. These kids are being neglected and left without while the others have food, clean clothes, decorations on their birthday.

Why do they want to leave their mother and why isn’t she fighting against this?

but it’s not really been a problem because the s kids are only here on the weekend
I’d say it has been a problem since they’re going to school dirty

I couldn't let them go to school on a Monday in the same unwashed clothes they wore on a Friday . DH or I'd put them in a wash over the weekend- the washer would be used at some point. Same with maki g them a packed lunch, or giving them money for lunch on the Monday. He's not a good dad if he doesn't make sure they have clean clothes and food to eat.

What does he do with your child from a previous relationship who lives with you? How does he treat him/her?

My DH would divorce me if I treated his son like this.

Why does he want them to live with him full-time? He can't even handle one school day.

Why should the OP do anything for her step kids when this prick doesn’t do anything for his step child?

Exactly.

I haven't read all of the posts but you really don't sound like the sort of woman who should be in a relationship with a man who already has children. When you take that on, you take on part of the parenting responsibilities. I would never send my step children to school in dirty clothes or with no lunch.

What is wrong with his arms and legs?

It’s ridiculous you are even entertaining the idea - you can’t care for them adequately over the weekend even.

No wonder men do fuck all work around the house and for their own kids what with the free passes they get from women keen to blame other women rather than the almighty may-un.

I would divorce my dh if he didn’t have the ability to turn on a washing machine

This made me laugh 🤣
Good riddance to a man who would divorce you for not taking on all his responsibilities and work for him!
Why wouldn't you divorce him first for not looking after his own kid?

And what sort of men is the father then? Because if you can criticise the Op for having enough on her plate as it is, why not criticise the Disney father? He has made choices that are affecting his children.

Blimey OP, you've certainly stirred up the vipers and fruit loops with this one. So much judging, SS are probably already on their way!

You seem to get on well with DSCs mother. I can't believe she wants this either, can't you have a chat with her and nip this in the bud?

You all have an arrangement which suits everyone at the moment, why change because the SDCs think the grass looks greener at yours.

I’m geniunely disgusted in your attitude “ I won’t and can’t” you can nothing stops you putting a uniform in the wash with your other washing. Nothing stops you spending 5 minutes on making lunches nothing but your lazy self.

just tell them you don’t want them full time and that be the end of it. No matter how the dad is I’m surprised he’s even still with you. If you can’t even wash some clothes or feed them.

i drive my partners child around at every chance I get even with my child because it bonds us all. You just sound uninterested selfish and cruel.

it js their dads responsibility any other curricular activities but ensuring they go without on your behalf is cruel

man’s you still haven’t answered how you would feel if he treated your eldest the way you treat his two?

He DOES treat her eldest like she treats his two.

Why would he object to her not putting washing on for them when he doesn't either? Sexism?