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Original poster

H being ridiculous over a bauble

529 replies

Kikkk · 30/11/2022 21:51

Yes you read that right... A Christmas bauble is the latest source of ridiculousness in our house.

My parents got all of their grandkids a personalised bauble this year to put on their trees which included our DC, along with my nephew and niece. They do this every year for Dsis' children but it's our child's second Christmas (weren't given one last year as only tiny) so first time they were given one.

Apparently we can't possibly put this bauble up because DSC don't have the same bauble with their names on... Just go and buy a freaking bauble for them then!

I can't cope with this level of stupidness.

OP posts:
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JustLurkingAway · 30/11/2022 22:37

Although it would've been lovely for your parents to include DSC in that, they're not entirely to blame tbh.

You could easily rectify it (so could your DH!) BUT, if DH has raised it with you and you've basically said "why does it matter" then I think it's completely understandable that it's bothered him!

Original poster
Kikkk · 30/11/2022 22:37

gogohmm · 30/11/2022 22:36

Whilst no it's not your parents responsibility to buy things for your step kids, your parents do need to be sensitive to the different dynamics of a house of a blended family - this is particularly the case when step kids don't have grandparents, have grandparents who are not really in their lives or are of very different financial means. This doesn't mean never buy just for the grandchild, more be sensitive when it comes to something ti be displayed in particular

My step children have two sets of very involved grandparents.

OP posts:
FOTTFSOFTFOASM · 30/11/2022 22:37

silverclock222 · 30/11/2022 22:36

Family is family and they should all be treated the same. I think your parents are wrong to exclude them from tradition.

The OP's parents and her step-children are not family to one another. Ergo there is no reason to treat them the same, even if you think every child in a family should always receive, see and do exactly the same things (which I don't).

GreenManalishi · 30/11/2022 22:38

The Not My Kids, Not My Problem message is coming over loud and clear.

Children need to feel loved, and to feel that they belong. If this is how things run in your family brace for the day when they're choosing your nursing home.

Overgrowngrasslady · 30/11/2022 22:38

You come across as furious. I don’t really understand the fury. I really don’t.

he wants the kids treated equally, which is fine, so he should buy two more baubles.

is there some back story here in terms of favouritism being an issue? Maybe the way you relate to the kids. You don’t exactly speak of them warmly

StoppinBy · 30/11/2022 22:38

I think you are being a bit thoughtless in your approach to be honest.

If I was in your position I would have had one made up for the DSC as soon as I realised that they would need a matching one.

I would only put them up once all the kids had a matching one.

MrsMontyD · 30/11/2022 22:39

My mother first met DPs daughter when she was about 11 and she sees her on average twice a year, of course they don't don't see each other as grandparent/grandchild.

Overgrowngrasslady · 30/11/2022 22:39

GreenManalishi · 30/11/2022 22:38

The Not My Kids, Not My Problem message is coming over loud and clear.

Children need to feel loved, and to feel that they belong. If this is how things run in your family brace for the day when they're choosing your nursing home.

Yes that’s what I’m getting too, and I suspect that’s the real issue here.

excelledyourself · 30/11/2022 22:40

I can imagine if he had gone and bought the same baubles without this conversation taking place, he'd no doubt be labelled as petty by some posters and it would be said that OP's DC can't have anything of their own.

LBOCS2 · 30/11/2022 22:40

If you genuinely want your family to be blended then you need to engage with doing things so that no one in the family feels left out. This includes 'his DC'. So, yes, he could go and get a bauble. Or you could. Or you could agree with your OH that it might make them feel pushed out/othered by your parents. Or literally any reaction which put their feelings first. I suspect that's what he's pissed off about, not so much the bauble.

FWIW, my family and I love a personalised bauble. I wouldn't dream of putting one up for each of 'my' DC without ensuring that there was an equivalent for DSS as well.

No one's saying it's your parents' job to make sure that your step children don't feel left out. It's your job.

Nancienoo · 30/11/2022 22:40

GreenManalishi · 30/11/2022 22:38

The Not My Kids, Not My Problem message is coming over loud and clear.

Children need to feel loved, and to feel that they belong. If this is how things run in your family brace for the day when they're choosing your nursing home.

Bit dramatic it was a bauble 😵‍💫

MustdrinkmoreH2O · 30/11/2022 22:41

What does your DH reply when you tell him to go get one?

I agree with you OP and I doubt the teenagers would even be bothered that the baby has a bloody bauble.

Original poster
Kikkk · 30/11/2022 22:41

Flapjackquack · 30/11/2022 22:32

You call them HIS children a lot. That’s very telling.

That's hilarious cherry picking there because I called them his children ONCE.

The rest of the time I've referred to them as DSC and my step children 😂 don't let that get in the way though!

OP posts:
excelledyourself · 30/11/2022 22:41

Afterfire · 30/11/2022 22:12

They still should have got one for the step dc. It’s a bauble, not an inheritance.

My ex mil and fil always include my Ds when they send things for my dd (I left her dad, their son, when she was 8 months old, she’s now 19. I’ve been remarried 12 years and have a 10 year old with my dh). In fact my ex mil sent an advent calendar through the post for my Ds this week just because she’s very kind and wants him to feel like she’s his nanny as well as dds nanny. I think thats the way it should be. Even though they never really see him except maybe 3 times a year due to distance. They get him a present for Christmas and birthdays and sign their card from nanny and grandad.

This happens for two siblings in my family too.

JustLurkingAway · 30/11/2022 22:43

Also, if DSC rarely see your parents, could they not have just bought the baubles and put them on their own tree or something? That way no one can possibly get hurt by seeing them?!

My own stepmum in this scenario would've bought me one to go with! And no, that doesn't apply to everything bought for the bio grandkids, just things that would be on display iyswim.

bloodyplanes · 30/11/2022 22:43

No wonder your parents don't see them as grandchildren op, you sound like you couldn't give a toss about them either! Neither you nor your parents are coming across very well in this thread! No wonder your dh is upset, you and your parents have made it quite clear that all children in the house are not equal!

Flapjackquack · 30/11/2022 22:43

Kikkk · 30/11/2022 22:41

That's hilarious cherry picking there because I called them his children ONCE.

The rest of the time I've referred to them as DSC and my step children 😂 don't let that get in the way though!

Show quote history

Yet you didn’t for one second think oh that’s a lovely gift, I should go get some for MY stepchildren so that ALL the children in our family are represented at this special time of year. Nope. His kids, his problem.

Nancienoo · 30/11/2022 22:43

they didn’t get them one because they didn’t need to as the hardly know the children, tell him to go out sort it him self and grow up

Theydoyaknow · 30/11/2022 22:44

Lousy move by your parents. A present is one thing but a bauble for a Christmas tree with only one child’s name on is horribly insensitive. It’s a tree that will be up for a few weeks at such a special time of year in a house where there are 3 children and your child is the only one who adorns the tree. Fucking lousy to do that to your daughter’s stepkids. They are part of the family too. A matching set of 3 would have been the decent, kindest and most inclusive thing to do.

FOTTFSOFTFOASM · 30/11/2022 22:45

I would only put them up once all the kids had a matching one

FGS. The older step child is 14, not 4. Surely s/he is not going to be losing a single second's sleep about a bloody bauble.

Original poster
Kikkk · 30/11/2022 22:46

there are 3 children and your child is the only one who adorns the tree

It doesn't need to be that way though does it? My parents aren't the only people who can purchase a bauble, as I've said repeatedly.

As people have said, my husband's issue is clearly more about the face my parents didn't buy DSC a bauble too which I personally disagree is a problem, because he can just buy some and DSC don't even need to know if he thinks they will care (I personally don't think they'd care but if he does he can quite easily sort it).

OP posts:
Georgeskitchen · 30/11/2022 22:47

The step children will benefit from their own grandparents will they not? Does that not make things fair and balanced?

AdventuringAway · 30/11/2022 22:48

I agree with whoever said there’s a big difference between the baubles being bought and them being hung up. I wouldn’t have been bothered by my step mother’s parents not getting me something (they never did, I never met them), but my step siblings having their names on the Christmas tree was exactly the kind of little thing that showed teenage me that I was not a part of that family. I’ve not spoken to them in 10 years.

It’s not about a bauble, it’s about being a family. That’s where the “his children” is coming through loud and clear, you see it as only his responsibility to make them included.

ConnieTucker · 30/11/2022 22:48

MustdrinkmoreH2O · 30/11/2022 22:41

What does your DH reply when you tell him to go get one?

I agree with you OP and I doubt the teenagers would even be bothered that the baby has a bloody bauble.

Yes this.

what has your dh arranged for all his children for this year?

Twillseeker · 30/11/2022 22:49

I think it would have been nice of your parents to have included your step children. My in laws bought personalised baubles for my DS and DD many years ago and both get proudly put on the tree year after year. One is a step grandchild but thankfully never gets treated any different from the other grandchildren. If it was me I would be asking my parents where they got them so I could get some for the other children so they weren’t left out.