H being ridiculous over a bauble

[Kikkk]

Yes you read that right... A Christmas bauble is the latest source of ridiculousness in our house.

My parents got all of their grandkids a personalised bauble this year to put on their trees which included our DC, along with my nephew and niece. They do this every year for Dsis' children but it's our child's second Christmas (weren't given one last year as only tiny) so first time they were given one.

Apparently we can't possibly put this bauble up because DSC don't have the same bauble with their names on... Just go and buy a freaking bauble for them then!

I can't cope with this level of stupidness.

Double agree.

Or DH could go into a shop and purchase two more baubles. Problem solved.

Do the step
Kids have grandparents? Do they bother ?

If I had married a man with 2 children , I would expect them to be fully included and part of the family . They'd be my kids too - else if I couldn't make that happen I wouldn't marry someone with kids.

This is divide and conquer. Your kids are yours , ours are mine type territory. That would eat away at me . They're 11 and 14 . Children . And whether you think they're sensitive to this or not- you're dh is . They likely will already know but kids are stoic and at 11 and 14 probably not going to articulate the fact they receive the message loud and clear.

You call them HIS children a lot. That’s very telling.

I don't think the OP's parents have done anything wrong. Just because your child chooses to blend families with someone else, that doesn't mean you as a grandparent have to treat all the children the same. I could be fond of children who aren't my own, but no step-grandchild would ever be remotely the same as my own grandchild. Especially if I only rarely saw them, as in the OP's situation. Talk about a good deed never going unpunished.

OP, your husband can buy them baubles if he's bothered by it. I can't see how 11 and 14 yr olds would be bothered by a baby being bought a bauble, though. Maybe if they were small children themselves - but surely not with that age gap.

Absolutely @Kikkk my DPs DD will never consider my mother to be her grandparent, she'll always be my DD's Grandma or my Mother to her.

DPs DD has step siblings, her grandparents don't treat them the same as her either.

Poor children. Pretty mean of your parents. Pretty mean attitude of yours too.
Of course he could get them a bauble. It’s not about a bauble though is it?

I just said he should go and get some if he thinks it's a problem and that I didn't see the big deal that DSC weren't bought one.

At 14 and 11 the dc are old enough to tell the difference between ones your dh has purchased and ones your parents have (unless he literally buys identical ones and pretends they all arrived at the same time!) and to know they’ve been left out. That’s the point.

I'd also feel the step children had been left out. It's making them not seem part of the family.

It's not about the physical baubles, clearly.

What did he say when you told him to get more baubles? If you did say that.

Why? Because you say so? They aren't my parents grandchildren are they? My DSC don't consider them grandparents either.

Your dc cannot be penalised because their df has other dc - they each have their own relatives
If op had 3 siblings who had dc and dsc didn't have cousins would op's dc not be allowed to see them /spend time /go places because dsc didn't have cousins? Where does the line stop?
Dh needs to box up the absent df guilt and move on.

What a mess. Poor kids.

How lovely! Exactly the way it should be.

@Kikkk People are being ridiculous. Your DSC are not your parents' grandchildren. They presumably have their own grandparents. I think there's a lot of projection going on here.

It's inconsiderate of your parents, didn't they realise the SC would feel left out and disregarding your DH's children would hurt his feelings too?

I'm surprised you think DH is being ridiculous, a quiet word with your parents at this stage (and showing some support for your SC and your DH) would nip this in the bud now. But as you are clearly as insensitive as your parents and would rather bitch about him to strangers on mumsnet, brace yourself for more problems with Christmas presents, birthdays, holidays and other family traditions etc.

It was obtuse of your parents to not think this through. And you are doubling down on that.

Your step son needs to be included, how would he feel seeing everyones personslised baubles? Small things like that matter to children

Family is family and they should all be treated the same. I think your parents are wrong to exclude them from tradition.

I didn't see the big deal that DSC weren't bought one.

And therein lies your problem and, perhaps, the root of your upcoming divorce.

Your husband should go and buy a bauble if he thinks it's soo important.

Your parents haven't done anything wrong. I doubt the DSC will feel left out if your own DC points out the bauble from her nanny and grandad. Especially given their ages.

There is a difference between not spending time with OPs family and the Christmas tree in their family home including a special decoration for their sibling but not them. It’s their home too. It’s the attitude of the OP that it’s not a big deal that I take most issue with.

Whilst no it's not your parents responsibility to buy things for your step kids, your parents do need to be sensitive to the different dynamics of a house of a blended family - this is particularly the case when step kids don't have grandparents, have grandparents who are not really in their lives or are of very different financial means. This doesn't mean never buy just for the grandchild, more be sensitive when it comes to something ti be displayed in particular