H being ridiculous over a bauble

[Kikkk]

Yes you read that right... A Christmas bauble is the latest source of ridiculousness in our house.

My parents got all of their grandkids a personalised bauble this year to put on their trees which included our DC, along with my nephew and niece. They do this every year for Dsis' children but it's our child's second Christmas (weren't given one last year as only tiny) so first time they were given one.

Apparently we can't possibly put this bauble up because DSC don't have the same bauble with their names on... Just go and buy a freaking bauble for them then!

I can't cope with this level of stupidness.

I think you are both being ridiculous though, because neither of you is doing the obvious thing which is getting hold of a bauble for the steps

Still should have got them one. We don't see my step niece-to-be (if all goes well) much but still got her a present of the same standard as the others......

I'm confused - where is the bauble, your house or your parents?

I didn't know about this bauble until today when my dad brought it round. I guess I don't understand the big deal but still it's quite simple for DH to go and get some more baubles if he wants to. I personally doubt DSC will even notice it but in any event, he can get some. It doesn't need to be a thing.

Given you're married, could your parents have not accepted step kids as a grandchild and included them? Wouldn't expect it for a new boyfriends kid but your actual stepchild...

I'm not sure why it's up to OP to get it though. DH can go get one if he's so bothered. In fact it would probably take less time to organize it rather than rant at his wife about it.

My parents do get them presents but it's never as much as their grandchildren. Which I don't personally think there is anything wrong with, they don't really know them well.

If DH is that upset he can sort it, your parents have no obligation to buy DSC a personalised bauble. How old are they? I've bought personalised tree decs for my DC but not DSC as they are much older, and have been fine up until now without them. It's a tradition my DM did for us which I'm continuing with my DC.

I am really confused why some posters think it's your parents' job, or your job, to buy more baubles.

Your DH cares about it (rightly, IMO).

He is their dad.

He needn't take time feeling bad about it! Either he can go buy baubles, or, suggest to his parents that a lovely gift this year would be something similar (if he's so invested in the idea of it being a gift from grandparents).

It'd be weird and patronising for your parents to buy more now.

They don't have a grandchild-grandparent relationship with them, they don't see them really.

They still should have got one for the step dc. It’s a bauble, not an inheritance.

My ex mil and fil always include my Ds when they send things for my dd (I left her dad, their son, when she was 8 months old, she’s now 19. I’ve been remarried 12 years and have a 10 year old with my dh). In fact my ex mil sent an advent calendar through the post for my Ds this week just because she’s very kind and wants him to feel like she’s his nanny as well as dds nanny. I think thats the way it should be. Even though they never really see him except maybe 3 times a year due to distance. They get him a present for Christmas and birthdays and sign their card from nanny and grandad.

One is 14 the other is 11.

Presumably dsc have their own dgps? Bet they don't feel the need to figure in the lives of people they aren't actually related to or know particularly well.

That's kind of them but I don't think it's the norm for ex PILs to get presents for their ex DILs new child with someone else. It's lovely of course but I can't imagine it's common surely?

Whereas I can see they aren't your parents' grandchildren, in this case I do feel that whilst they were buying / ordering the personalised baubles, it wouldn't have hurt them to include all dc who are likely to be in your house over Christmas.

It's not like it is being suggested they leave the stepchild their house. It seems very petty to include some of the children in the same house and not include all of the dc.

Potentially the dh could handle / respond to it better, but it isn't him to be cross with in the first case, that should be your parents.

Yes exactly my point. Nothing stopping him going and getting some if he thinks it's so important.

Maybe not the norm, but maybe it should be. Kindness doesn’t cost much, does it. And it makes children feel included.

I suspect your dh is more hurt about the fact your parents have left out his dc rather than the actual lack of bauble.

Jesus wept all these comments and hand twisting over a CHRISTMAS BAUBLE 😵‍💫

It's not Disney land, it's not a massive present that DSC will be envious of, and when DSC get a personalised bauble from their DGP and DC ask oh but I didn't get one, you naturally explain that life isn't fair or even.

Can you imagine someone sitting in a counsellor chair saying and what really brought me trauma was my step sister getting a personalised bauble that time for Christmas from her biological DGP.

Christ on a bike ...but say DSC are going to be upset in not having a personalised bauble for people they have seen once a year, then DP can get off his arse and buy one.

I remember as a kid seeing cards from my some of my Stepmum’s (who treats me as her own daughter and calls me her daughter when she talks about me to other people) family or friends and they’d only have my brother and sister’s names in them, not mine. It hurt! She and my Dad never put those cards up on display though, only those with my name in them too because she must’ve known how I’d feel even though I never said anything.

Potentially the dh could handle / respond to it better, but it isn't him to be cross with in the first case, that should be your parents

Why would I be cross with my parents?

No, but they are the children of the house. Following that logic, your parents would buy you a birthday present, but not your DH, because he's not their child.

It's your attitude towards these little things that will make a big difference to the kids.

I think you are missing an opportunity. You and your husband take all the children out together to look at Christmas baubles. Make an event they remember.

Whilst you are out, casually mention that your younger ones grandparents have bought them a bauble and you'd like to buy a special one with the DSSs.

They have then had a nice family time, looked around Christmas display and bought some baubles.

Not their Grandchildren so why should they buy a bauble for a child that they don't really know.

Mum and dad did nothing wrong why should she be cross with them