H being ridiculous over a bauble

[Kikkk]

Yes you read that right... A Christmas bauble is the latest source of ridiculousness in our house.

My parents got all of their grandkids a personalised bauble this year to put on their trees which included our DC, along with my nephew and niece. They do this every year for Dsis' children but it's our child's second Christmas (weren't given one last year as only tiny) so first time they were given one.

Apparently we can't possibly put this bauble up because DSC don't have the same bauble with their names on... Just go and buy a freaking bauble for them then!

I can't cope with this level of stupidness.

Nothing stopping him going and getting some if he thinks it's so important.

I think the point is, that you don't seem to think it important at all. This is not about the bauble, try to look beyond the end of your own nose!

I'm definitely not cross with my parents. It looks quite expensive so I wouldn't expect them to pay for two more for kids they don't really know just because. I doubt DSC will care (or notice!).

It's not the baubles per se though is it? It's the thought (or lack of) behind only buying some children in the household a personal bauble while leaving the others out very conspicuously.
It's easy saying they won't notice .
They will.
It's the concept that states very clearly they are not part of your family . I'd be hurt by that too . What's a bauble ? A tenner ? Less ? It's favouritism and it's obvious. If you take in a blended family then blend . If you treat half the children differently then if it were me , I'd have a problem with it too. It feels petty and mean . And it's not the same as just your dh going and buying them - it's the sentiment behind it that hurts .

Yes it's the fact my parents didn't think of them when purchasing something for their grandchildren. I guess I just don't agree that they need to or should be expected to.

These threads are very silly. Do you want a caring family? Did you marry a man with children? Do you want your own child to be raised In a happy home where everyone is included? Yes? Go figure then, and buy more baubles. Every decision has a consequence-think it through.

It's favouritism and it's obvious. If you take in a blended family then blend . If you treat half the children differently then if it were me , I'd have a problem with it too

Obviously our child is going to be my parents "favourite" in that sense. One is their grandchild and the others are children they rarely see. They will obviously think of them more I don't think that's necessarily shocking. I cannot force my parents to blend my DSC into their grandchildren. They don't have that relationship. I don't feel it's my place to demand that they do personally. Which is why I think DH should just go and buy the baubles!

I agree your husband can go by a bauble for his child but having been a stepchild I hate this “I’m sure you get X at your mums house. Kids brains don’t work like that. It’s hard enough being split between two homes, watching your half siblings grow up with both their parents, without being treated differently, often worse, in that house as well.

I see it a lot on here. “They aren’t your kids, you shouldn’t have to do XYZ”. If you are an adult that chooses to be in a relationship with someone who has children you need to be prepared to accept those children.

And he can buy more baubles, I suggested he do that... I didn't even buy this bauble!

I don't think it's the buying of the bauble that's the problem and your parents did nothing wrong.

It's the hanging of the bauble that's the issue.

Can you really not see that having a bauble on the family tree with your joint child's name on but not the DSC might give the impression that your joint child is favourite?

If your parents buy baubles every year then if your DH bought ones for the DSC he's have to do that every year too.

Would it not just be easier the hang the bauble somewhere else like in your child's own room and then each year add the new ones?

This!

My mother is never going to have a grandparent relationship with DPs DD and us getting married won't make any difference, she's a similar age to the OPs DSCs and also has grandparents of her own. Why would she expect my mother who she barely knows to treat her exactly the same as my DD?

Different maybe if the DSC is very young and doesn't understand I suppose. That said, a relative of mine's son had a DSD who was a toddler at the time he got together with her mother, his mother accepted the child as a grandchild, had a good relationship, had the child to stay overnight etc. her son split up from his DP and his mother never say the child again because it's just not the same relationship.

Op
You are spectacularly missing the point .

So dsc potentially get presents off 3 sets of dgps? Is that fair either? Would op's dps not be overstepping to assume dgp position of dsc who already have some? Gets bonkers imo.

Meh. I think the issue is when the children come and over see the baubles hung up, they might feel a bit left/pushed out. I don't think your parents should have got them a bauble but I think you and/ or your husband should. To hang up with the rest of them.

Which is why I've said he should go and get some so they can all be put up. I just don't think it needs to be a "thing". He could just go and get some rather than turning it into an argument.

I think your parents should buy baubles for ALL grandchildren if they do for any. Even if they dont know them very well. It's the principle of the matter.

Surely nothing says GUEST than a tree that has sone kids names on but not others.

If it's hung on the main Xmas tree it should include everyone.

If it's stuck in babies box, not an issue.

They aren't grandchildren. If you asked my DSC whether they considered my parents their grandparents they'd say no.

Op You are spectacularly missing the point.

Agree.

The bauble will go completely unnoticed unless a big fuss is made about it.

I don't understand the issue. Your parents bought a gift for their grandchild, something of a tradition that they have started for their family. Your step children are not related to them, they have their own grandparents. The fact they don't do this doesn't mean your parents should 'compensate'. Your DH should either get a bauble himself or ask his parents to do it.

These threads are ridiculous, heaven forbid a child doesn't get exactly the same as another!

No I just don't agree it's my parents job to sort. If H wants his children to have personalised baubles he can quite easily arrange for that. I disagree DSC are my parents grandchildren and therefore should be included. It's not missing the point to disagree with you.

She isn’t missing the point, she cleans understands the point, she just doesn’t agree with it. Her parents have little to no relationship with these children, they didn’t choose to “blend” and of course they will favour their DD’s child over their DD’s stepchildren. The DH is BU.

Agree. It can go in a baby box and not hung on the tree. Problem solved.

Surely a simple "yeah, why don't we go out and buy one each for Charles and
Charlotte too so that they've all got one." would have sorted it.

i get the impression from your posts that your response was somewhat less calm.