Ok, Ok, where's the magic Rule Book then?

[SpaceshiptoMars]

I keep seeing posts saying ''Step parents should... blah blah blah". No good reasons why, just 'because I say so'.

So come on then, all those who want to be rule setters for Step Mums. Where is your authority? Why do you think you get to tell other adults how to behave in their own home? Is it some kind of religious thing? Where is all this coming from?

Also forgot there's an additional clause in the law about wills and presents.

• if your family do not comply and include the DSC exactly equally, you must immediately go NC with them.

@Steptoeandson I have to ask what did you say to mum ?

The very evil part of me would have politely asked very sweetly why she would expect more money to be spent on DSC when the presents were equal between the children. And if she kept being it up I would keep asking the question. So many times you can get people to realise what they are really saying by this method. Mostly on good days I let it go.

@Yousee I'm totally with you re wills. Have had this rather awkward conversation with DH re will recently. Esp when it came up about my life insurance and mum said oh so it wouldn't just be the house then 😳 sigh. Ps if you are who I think you are yousee you have been missed !! (I realise you may not be the poster I'm thinking of so sorry if this comes across odd)

I can’t use DM - I just say mum. There’s no D for me either!!

Another -you must want to attend all special events with DSD (school plays ect) but be mindful that mum may not want you there, it isn't your place and you have no right to attend over anyone else in the family. Even if your DSC want you there, you must not show up.

If you subtly take a step back and leave the parents to attend (taking the hint you wouldn't be welcome) you are cold horrible and hate your DSC.

It's like a game of lose lose tbh

You can never ever complain about anything the SC do, only the parents can do this, you must just be grateful to be allowed in their lives

Oh God, same! My house was mine before I even met him so I insisted that my equity was ringfenced. He had assumed that our assets would be split equally between three kids, only one of which is mine. Fuck that.

@pitchforksandflamethrowers - see also Weddings

@Ontomatopea I kid you not I nearly didn't get married because of a bridesmaid issue fight. Everyone was insisting DSD had to be a bridesmaid and DSD insisted she didn't want to.

DROVE.ME.CRACKERS as I did not care either way.

Dreading future weddings.

If your DSC are ill on contact time you must keep them (which I think is fair due to not needing to spread bugs between houses)

Flip that around and DSC have a bug at mums, they must be allowed to infect anyone in the other home, as mum needs a break. Regardless of if there's a vulnerable person in the house. I have seen a thread with this on with sm having cancer and a living debate was going down on how evil she was to not want DSC over when they had sever dv.

Grim

Lively** 🙄

@pitchforksandflamethrowers
Yes, think I'm who you mean. Long time regular, got pissed off and Flounced, came back for a casual lurk, got really, really pissed off last night, so signed up again under a cunningly disguised username 😎🕵️

@Yousee I for one am so bloody glad to see one of the good guys back !! Thank god !!! Hahah I did same with username but changed it to something but more appropriate 😂

@Steptoeandson 😩😩 honestly does my nut re illnesses and the double standards. Mum sounds delightful why do people think it's ok to treat other human beings as non entity's ?

MN like to tell you; you must love these kids but on the other hand; shut up you're not their parent don't you dare speak to these little angels in anything other than subservient manner.

Another rule:
You must not have too much fun if the DSC are not present.
This can mean anything from Asda pizza instead of Dominoes on pizza night (DSC can't miss out on a special Dominoes pizza) to being allowed to go the park but not going for a shot on the paddle boats on the pond or getting an ice cream when you're there as that would be too special for your children and should be saved for when the DSC are there.
And certainly don't be thinking you can hop on a flight and go visit your mother on her birthday at her house in France without the DSC. Whether they know your mother or want to to go or would be allowed to go is neither here nor there.

Another for you all.

If you have Dc with DH you must do all the child rearing alone when DSC are there and must never ever expect him to look after all his children. Remember you chose to have children with DH so if your burnt out and on your knees from doing it on your own that's your fault (completely forgetting ignoring mum also chose to have children with dad). God forbid dad looks after all his kids.

Remember DSC (not Dc as the rule is different for them) wants (notice I didn't say need here) should always come above sm or any other person in the house and their wants have more importance and value than anyones needs (bar mum because her word is law).

Control ideally should be set from mums house on what goes on in dads house. Any shared children's needs and wants can be ignored at whim.

This is very therapeutic.

Can't wait for the arrival of the Rule Bookers to tell us all how we are cold, heartless witches and give it the whole "those poor kids" sob fest just because they aren't the centre of the universe for every adult in their life.
God forbid anyone else in the family gets any respect or consideration.

Absolutely. Even if your family don’t know them and never see them because the SC’s contact weekends are all about doing stuff with the SC and seeing their extended family, not yours.

In which case, you’re evil for not forcing the SC to see your great aunt Doris every second Sunday afternoon.

I cannot wait. I once got shamed on here for paying for my DSD horse and got a your poor DSD 😵‍💫 most baffling.

The weddings rules are nuts. It would be ridiculous for adult SC to be expected to plan their wedding around the actual family that they have. No. They must create a nuclear family top table, wedding photos, everything else pretence lest anyone realise that they come from a [shudders] broken family.

SM can feel free to pay for the wedding but must otherwise hide in the corner at all times while her husband pretends that he’s spent the past 20 years happily married to the SC’s mother rather than in some kind of dreadful post-divorce war of attrition around the kids. Because it’s traditional and it would be ridiculous to expect an SC old enough to get married to think about anything other than cosplaying the nuclear family ideal for the cameras.

This is still the case even if it’s the SC in question’s second marriage and their new spouse will be SC to their children. There is no irony there at all.

There’s also the rule that any children you have with your husband are not really children. Not like the SC are.

None of the ‘poor kids’ stuff applies to them. They don’t even need bedrooms in their only home. Even if their half siblings are late teens/young adults at university, their need for a dedicated room at their dad’s house is far more important than anything else. The children who actually live in that house FT should simply be grateful they live with their dad as they lie on camp beds in the corner of their parents’ bedroom.