Upset about bedrooms.

[Pools27]

Want to keep it short.

All DC are the same sex.

Me and H have a 1.5 year old and he has two older DC as well who are 11 & 13.

Just moving our DC into their room now (I know I'm a bit late!).

DSC 13 has always been quite sensitive and has been making comments that it's not fair that our DC don't have to share a room. DSC share here and I think they do at their mum's too.

Have explained it would be no good one of them sharing a room with our DC as they are so young, they'd never be able to use the bedroom past toddlers bed time etc... Or have friend round and things.

AIBU to think it totally makes sense that youngest has a room to themselves and older two share as similar in age?

How often do you have DSC? I think it's fair that the child that is there 100% of the time gets their own room

I think making a 13 and 11 year old share with a toddler would be horrendous for them.

They are being ridiculous. They need to share. If they were all your DC they would share. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have a 4 bed house.

@ohgoodness2

How often do you have DSC? I think it's fair that the child that is there 100% of the time gets their own room

3 nights a week.

So three children, two bedrooms, massive age gap between the older two and the youngest?

Its not even a step child thing, or not being there half the time. Its a normal arrangement.

It's just stroppy teenageness they will realise as they get older that bedrooms don't grow on trees.

Im assuming the 13yo thinks the 11yo should share. What would they say if you suggested the 13yo share with the toddler?

@Pools27 honestly, stand your ground your DC needs their own room cause they are there 100% of the time. The older DSC would hate sharing with a toddler, especially as they get older and want sleepovers, to play on games consoles etc - what if they play a game not suitable for toddlers to be watching? They simply won't be able to play it!

@mugoftea456

I think making a 13 and 11 year old share with a toddler would be horrendous for them.

They are being ridiculous. They need to share. If they were all your DC they would share. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have a 4 bed house.

They are but I went through the same with my own non step siblings at that age. They just need it explained that you can't afford a house with a room each and this is the best way of doing it.

It’s teenaged grumpiness. Ask if they want to share with the toddler and accept the limitations such as early bedtimes that go along with that. If so, they are welcome to share with the toddler.

So what's the setup at the SC's mums house? Do they share as that's the only space available? Or do they share as they are also seen as only being there part time?

I understand the predicament, and usually I'd sit on the side of the child who is there all the time takes priority, but I do feel sad for children if they aren't that priority in either.

Obviously that might not be the case, I'm just wondering after the comment about having to share at home. I don't necessarily think they still should have the option for separate rooms at your house OP as it just doesn't work sometimes, I can just understand the upset if that is the set up

The two older children sharing makes the most sense regardless of time spent in the home. Unless one would prefer to share with the toddler? When myself and siblings were 12, 8, 1, I would have preferred to share with my youngest sibling as middle one and I were polar opposites.

@sofakingcool

So what's the setup at the SC's mums house? Do they share as that's the only space available? Or do they share as they are also seen as only being there part time?

I understand the predicament, and usually I'd sit on the side of the child who is there all the time takes priority, but I do feel sad for children if they aren't that priority in either.

Obviously that might not be the case, I'm just wondering after the comment about having to share at home. I don't necessarily think they still should have the option for separate rooms at your house OP as it just doesn't work sometimes, I can just understand the upset if that is the set up

They share because there are two bedrooms at her house I believe.

Unless one would prefer to share with the toddler?

They may say they would but in reality it wouldn't work imo so I wouldn't want to anyway. They'd never be able to play their games past 7:30, they'd be woken up in the night and early morning, never be able to have friends to stay the night etc... It just wouldn't work.

The child who lives there 100% of the time needs their own room - they will have so many more things to fill it etc. The two older children need to share. Don't feel guilty or be bullied by the older children.

I have a 6 year old who has his own room, and we have a 14 month old together and my partner has a child who stays once a week. My step child shares with our 14 month old, and she argues she should have her own bedroom. I mean so the two kids that live here 100% share 100% of the time and an empty bedroom sits there 6 nights a week - I don't think so.
It's a nightmare when she comes to stay as our 14 month old wakes in the night etc and she gets disturbed and cannot go in the room after 7pm but makes more sense for her to share 1 night a week that then my child doing it 7 nights a week.
Kids will always have an opinion but your in charge.

I guess the 13 year old isn’t volunteering to share?

YANBU at all - why on earth would they want to share with a toddler with an early bedtime, and presumably fairly early morning wake ups?

What’s the situation with the bedrooms now though? Is one of them having to lose their bedroom to move into the other one?

They'd never be able to play their games past 7:30, they'd be woken up in the night and early morning, never be able to have friends to stay the night etc... It just wouldn't work.
If the older two were very unhappy sharing then those things could be worked around. Such as the room with one child being used for sleepovers as a condition of them having it to themselves normally. I would have done anything not to share with my middle sibling and was happy caring for the youngest from the age of 11. Though if they normally get along then I wouldn't consider anything other than your current arrangement.

I'd explain the sleeping arrangements once then that's it.
Your dc absolutely needs their own room and sleeping with your little one wouldn't be fair on either SC and I think both esp the eldest will have grasped this long before it's even been mentioned.
It sounds like SC is being awkward just because they can and knowing their ages (and having similar aged dc myself) I'd get ready for other awkward situations too.
Don't pander and don't keep justifying yourself. Trust me, it makes things worse.

@KindlyKanga

It's just stroppy teenageness they will realise as they get older that bedrooms don't grow on trees.

This. You are being completely logical. Did one of the DSSs have to give up a room to baby DS?

@Babadook76

What’s the situation with the bedrooms now though? Is one of them having to lose their bedroom to move into the other one?

No we had two bedrooms and just finished a loft conversion before Christmas to move us into and DS having what used to be our room.

DSC have always shared the same room.

I would ask them to suggest a solution.

Eg. Which of them wants to share with toddler, or if they would prefer to take turns having their own room. They could swap weekly, monthly, annually.

It seems really unfair for kids that age to 100% share, but their toddler sibling has their own room 100% of the time.

The toddler would have the room to themselves 4 out of 7 days anyway, so all 3 would share approx 50% of their time at your house.

If however, they have their own rooms at their mums, I might have a different view.

What a giant faff swapping rooms round weekly/monthly/yearly!

Ask them how they suggest choosing who shares with the toddler.

When it goes pear shaped then put the toddler in own room

Their toddler sibling has their own room 100% of the time because of the age gap it makes absolutely no sense for them to share with anyone else.

If we had another child, the toddler would be sharing with them.