Upset about bedrooms.

[Pools27]

Want to keep it short.

All DC are the same sex.

Me and H have a 1.5 year old and he has two older DC as well who are 11 & 13.

Just moving our DC into their room now (I know I'm a bit late!).

DSC 13 has always been quite sensitive and has been making comments that it's not fair that our DC don't have to share a room. DSC share here and I think they do at their mum's too.

Have explained it would be no good one of them sharing a room with our DC as they are so young, they'd never be able to use the bedroom past toddlers bed time etc... Or have friend round and things.

AIBU to think it totally makes sense that youngest has a room to themselves and older two share as similar in age?

Fair or not lots of kids have to share. Tell him to suck it up and stop acting so entitled.

I think OP and DH need to move out altogether really. It's only fair.

@Tattler2

OP, you are looking at this from a logical perspective, and that is fine. The 2 older children may from a logical perspective view it as a situation where their father provides not only less time to his older children but also less available space. He has 3 children but 2/3 of the grouping get less of his time and less of the available space in the home that he provides for them.

As an adult, you see logic. As kids, they likely see inequity and what they may perceive as preferable of one sibling.

They may have to share a room at the home that the mom provides but they get considerably more time with mom and there may be no child in her home who gets their own room.

Children in every home should learn to share, but sometimes decisions made by the adults do not allow for fairness to all of the children involved. The kids won't be damaged by sharing a room , but their feelings about their father's less than equitable treatment of all of his children may cause some long-term resentment

Shh @Tattler2 , you know that sort of reasoning isn't allowed here!

Second class to share a bedroom with your own sister? Children have been sharing bedrooms since the beginning of time.

I can't quite believe that you don't know children share bedrooms.

I can't quite believe it either. I shared a double bed with my little brother in one room in primary schools until about the age of 9.

Two of my cousin's have bunk beds in one room. It's a single room hence the bunks.

Another have the oldest cousin in her own room, but the younger two boys share.

And my other cousins also, teen boy has own room, the two girls share.

It's absolutely normal.

@QuillBill

Tent in the back garden! What if one of the children wants to go on a trampoline at midnight?

Ah fuck, I didn't think of this.

I know, I know, I'm texting my SO as we speak to let him know I'm moving out.

A big reach from Tatler. And deeply ridiculous.

My friend bought a house with three bedroom that now is a five bed house. One of the doubles was made into two smaller bedrooms. They had a new window created. Then a loft room added.

@TracyMosby

My friend bought a house with three bedroom that now is a five bed house. One of the doubles was made into two smaller bedrooms. They had a new window created. Then a loft room added.

Not all houses have the structural capacity and/or the land to be extended like that.

@Tattler2 absolutely. Some astounding mental gymnastics going on here! It’s a tough situation that can’t be helped so if we can park a lot of the guilt/shame/righteous indignation and just look at the bottom line the kids see: There’s 3 sisters, one of whom gets her own room. Is there anything at all that can be done?

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Just get dh to shrug at them and say "well, when you are adults you can have your own rooms. When you have your own kids you can decide who shares with who. This is the situation in this house"

Stop being sensible.

When I read threads like this I think how spoilt some British children are. They are lucky they are just sharing with one sibling. I know kids who have to share with a grand parent and more than one sibling.

OP in 2-3 years time, so when the 13 year old is 16, if she doesn't want to visit her dad the same time as her sister then she can't be forced to. This means both step-children will be able to have a room to themselves for some nights but in different parents houses.

All 3 of them could have had to share the same room. Of course it makes sense for the toddler to be in a room on their own

People really do like to make out sc are hard done by don't they .

And moving them all round continously? What sort of batshit idea is that!

Toddler needs his own room as he goes to bed earlier, wakes earlier and sometimes wakes up in the night. End of discussion

Whilst it absolutely isn't the end of the world for 2 similar age same sex siblings to share, it would have been so easy for 2 small rooms to have been put in the loft, rather than one larger room. It would have been the obvious thing to do if the needs of the step children had been considered. To an outsider, it doesn't look like their needs were factored into the decision making process at all. I suspect that is what the SC feel, and that is what is upsetting. Your DC's need for his own space was considered and accommodated - their need for their own space wasn't even a consideration.

I am 100% sure that the SC would have preferred a room each, however small, over sharing a room. Can you not get a stud wall put up in the loft conversion? This isn't expensive, and would show the SC that you are taking their needs into consideration, in the same way as you take your DCs needs into consideration.

Yep, completely ridiculous. If children grow up to harbour long term resentment because a shared bedroom is apparently a wider indictment of the regard in which their father held them then something is definitely amiss.

It's more likely that those children will mature into perfectly well balanced adults who can see that everyone was doing the best they could in the situation, and that they were loved and cared for by the adults in their lives.

I didn't see my father at all between the ages of 8 and 16 due to my parents going through a hideously acrimonious split and I've managed to become a fully functioning adult with no long term issues.

Maybe the loft isn't big enough for 2 rooms, mine wouldn't be. Not everyone can afford a conversion with a huge dorma so it can be split in 2

I really don't get why this is such a big deal. Siblings share.

Of course it makes total sense for them to share.

And it makes total sense for a 13 yo to moan about it. That's teenagers for you.

But it's tough, you can't change it, unless she, or her sister, wants to share with a toddler, so she'll have to put up with it.

Obviously the answer is for you to buy her her own house to live in. YWBVU not to.

Whilst it absolutely isn't the end of the world for 2 similar age same sex siblings to share, it would have been so easy for 2 small rooms to have been put in the loft, rather than one larger room.

It would have been so easy, says random internet poster who has never seen this house or knows any of the detail.

So they share at their mum's and think they can complain about it at their dad's. Seems like equal treatment to me.

And if you split any room in 2 get ready for the argument about who gets the window bit, who has the light, who has to walk through the others room.

@EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall

Maybe the loft isn't big enough for 2 rooms, mine wouldn't be. Not everyone can afford a conversion with a huge dorma so it can be split in 2

It isn't. Which I've already said!

@Tattler2 @sofakingcool

OP has said they have SCs 3 nights a week so actually they don't have 'significantly more time' with their mother at all.

@RedWingBoots your ideal solution is that one SD stops coming in 3 years time?! Even if she stopped coming surely her father should keep a bed for her which means the middle DD still wouldn’t have the experience of her own room.

OP when was the loft finished? I wonder if you guys planned it when SC were say, 6 and 10 and the idea of separate rooms seemed unnecessary in a way it doesn’t for a soon to be 10 and 14yo

My Eldest DSC wants a horse. We have nowhere for a horse. She sulks about it. She's still not getting a horse.

I wonder if this child badgers her mother about having her own room at her house, and has her mother pondering the pros and cons of loft conversions and stud walls and room dividing ideas etc?

OP - you mentioned she's quite sensitive. I expect this is a bit of jealousy on her part about the fact that her dad has a new baby with you etc etc. However this doesn't take away from the fact that practically speaking it makes more sense for the toddler to have her own room, and the older children will have to accept this.

It isn't. Which I've already said!
Oh, it doesn't matter how many times you have said anything! Nobody seems to care one jot.