Upset about bedrooms.

[Pools27]

Want to keep it short.

All DC are the same sex.

Me and H have a 1.5 year old and he has two older DC as well who are 11 & 13.

Just moving our DC into their room now (I know I'm a bit late!).

DSC 13 has always been quite sensitive and has been making comments that it's not fair that our DC don't have to share a room. DSC share here and I think they do at their mum's too.

Have explained it would be no good one of them sharing a room with our DC as they are so young, they'd never be able to use the bedroom past toddlers bed time etc... Or have friend round and things.

AIBU to think it totally makes sense that youngest has a room to themselves and older two share as similar in age?

We have nowhere for a horse.
Why can't the horse have your side of the bed?

@KindlyKanga

My Eldest DSC wants a horse. We have nowhere for a horse. She sulks about it. She's still not getting a horse.

Have you thought ab out getting your loft converted into a stable block?

Your precious child must be indulged.

@YellowDots

We have nowhere for a horse. Why can't the horse have your side of the bed?

This actually made me laugh so hard my SO came downstairs to ask what is so funny.

Stepmum humour. Thanks for the laugh

To an outsider, it doesn't look like their needs were factored into the decision making process at all

Do you honestly think that two full siblings of the same sex only 2 years apart in age sharing a room means their needs "aren't being met"?

@Pools27 It isn't. Which I've already said!

No, what you actually said was "Loft conversion isn't that huge, split into two wouldn't have been very big at all as there is a slope in the roof either side so not a huge amount of useable space as it is."

Which suggests that it could be split into two "not very big at all" rooms. I can guarantee your SC would prefer their own "not very big at all" room over a bigger shared room. And of course, if considered at the time of the build, windows could have been placed in the best position, stairs could break through in the correct position, eaves storage could have been built in to maximise floor space etc. Harder to do it well retrospectively, I understand. But their needs were not considered, when they so easily could have been.

When ds2 was 12 he had to share with his 4 and 2 year old brothers for a few years until ds1 moved out. Not ideal but he never once complained.

He did have a very Harry Potter like cubby hole with a desk so he could game etc in peace.

He never even had a bed at his dad's house never mind a shared room with his sibling/step sibling. He's still managed to turn into a lovely adult despite all that

OP, so the house was made more convenient for everyone but the your step kids? I think the statement speaks for itself?

Only if you choose to look at it that way. You could say the house was changed to prevent all three children having to share, so it was for the SC’s convenience. Some people who couldn’t afford the loft conversion and didn’t have space in the parents’ room for a single bed would have had to have all three children sharing, with bunk beds and a single.
(Bunk beds that were bought at the specific request of the SC less than a year ago, so I wouldn’t be happy to be getting rid of them now they’ve changed their minds)

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

To an outsider, it doesn't look like their needs were factored into the decision making process at all

Do you honestly think that two full siblings of the same sex only 2 years apart in age sharing a room means their needs "aren't being met"?

I think when doing building work to give one child their own room, most parents would also prioritise giving the other children their own rooms too if it was at all possible. If it wasn't possible, I would think this would have been discussed clearly with teens/tweens so that they felt their equal need to their sibling to have a room to themselves had at least been considered.

Yes normal even if full siblings
Which one would want to share with the toddler
I assume the two sharing have the larger room

But their needs were not considered, when they so easily could have been.

Their NEEDS absolutely were considered. If not, OP could have made them share with the toddler, which I'm sure would have saved OP plenty of money.

Their WANTS (maybe) we're not. Nor do they have to be. Households are not run by children.

I think when doing building work to give one child their own room, most parents would also prioritise giving the other children their own rooms too if it was at all possible

The OP has been very clear about the lack of potential to put two rooms in the loft.

Houses are not limitless in their potential.

It is practical but you can have some empathy with how they may feel.

Always the sharers and never the priority.

I don't think you should change what you have done but you can be kind to two children who get significantly less than their sibling. Who will have had a room of their own all of their life and they never will. They spend 43% of their time in their fathers home, who in their eyes has given his new child more than them - would hurt anyone.

I shared with my sister and my brother got a room on his own. My side of the room was also the side where the cupboard was and my sister had to walk past my bed to get to her half. In my mind she had her space - I was never allowed past the edge of my bed but she was allowed to walk in my space and to the cupboard everyday. Whilst I understand it was practical it still annoyed me.

To make matters worse - my sister had left home and had her own place, I was at university but coming back all holidays - I came home one Xmas and my brother who was still at home - and had moved into what was now my room because it was bigger and dumped my stuff into his old room.
I got a room of my own for all of 3 months in my home - I was furious but had to suck it up.

Whilst practical - I feel their sense of discimination by their father

@ErinAoife
Step child is 12 and is a girl and my 6 year old is a boy. They aren't half siblings and he doesn't want a girl staying in his room. He lives there 100% of the time and makes more sense for her to share with the 14 month old as she has the room to herself during the day etc. She equally wouldn't want to share with a boy and have him playing games and talking to his friends. It's not sensible to have boy girl sharing especially as they aren't even related!

Siblings share in normal families, why does it have to become a such a loaded issue once it involves DSC? Definitely correct for toddler to have own space due to age and living there all the time.

Quite agree with QuirkyTurtle. The adults are in charge, not schoolchildren! What would sitting them down and 'discussing' it entail anyway? "It would be nice for you all to have your own room but unfortunately that's not practical."
Teenager shrugs and pouts/stomps off in a huff/shrieks "It's not fair!"/sulks for a fortnight whilst the adults wring their hands and fret about future 'long term resentments' in store?

@TicTacHoh

Siblings share in normal families, why does it have to become a such a loaded issue once it involves DSC? Definitely correct for toddler to have own space due to age and living there all the time.

I know it's so over the top and dramatic.

@5thnonblonde you are either being obtuse or simply don't understand.

If the older one wants a room to herself then her choice will be not to sleep over at her dad's or her mum's when her sister is there. It is up to her.

Also what is this BS about the experience of her own room?

As a child your bedroom belongs to whoever owns the house, which means if circumstances change you may have to share or have to sleep elsewhere in the house.

I've only just ventured on to the step parenting boards, just to browse out of interest (as I haven't got any step kids, wasn't a step kid etc), and my overwhelming initial observations is that people treat step kids like shit, with literally no thought for their feelings. Just browsing a few threads and feeling deeply sorry for step children who seem to be considered second class citizens whilst their NRP goes on to have a brand new family.

@mrsm43s the OP made it clear if she had more children then they would be sharing with her current child.

In fact as the OP likely contributes to and/or owns 50% of the house the sleeping arrangements are "fair"

@arethereanyleftatall

I've only just ventured on to the step parenting boards, just to browse out of interest (as I haven't got any step kids, wasn't a step kid etc), and my overwhelming initial observations is that people treat step kids like shit, with literally no thought for their feelings. Just browsing a few threads and feeling deeply sorry for step children who seem to be considered second class citizens whilst their NRP goes on to have a brand new family.

Why are you even commenting? You have no experience of this whatsoever. And this OP is in no way 'treating her stepkids like shit.' Do you want her to magic up another bedroom out of fairy dust?

@TicTacHoh

Siblings share in normal families, why does it have to become a such a loaded issue once it involves DSC? Definitely correct for toddler to have own space due to age and living there all the time.

Because SC are special. Didn't you get the memo?

Growing up in my family not only siblings but half-siblings and sometimes cousins shared depending on sex and age appropriateness.

@arethereanyleftatall

I've only just ventured on to the step parenting boards, just to browse out of interest (as I haven't got any step kids, wasn't a step kid etc), and my overwhelming initial observations is that people treat step kids like shit, with literally no thought for their feelings. Just browsing a few threads and feeling deeply sorry for step children who seem to be considered second class citizens whilst their NRP goes on to have a brand new family.

Many resident parents also go on to have new families. It's not a crime. It's also not possible to magic bedrooms out of thin air, blended families or not. And my experience (as a step kid and as a SM) is that there is a lot of consideration put in, but DSC will often still view things as unfair regardless, in the way that all kids/teens do.

@chocolatesaltyballs22
Commenting because as I've never walked in a step parents shoes, I am able to see it far clearer from the step child's perspective. Which, from some of the responses on this thread, (not necessarily the op but others), often doesn't appear to have been taken in to consideration.

[quote arethereanyleftatall]@chocolatesaltyballs22
Commenting because as I've never walked in a step parents shoes, I am able to see it far clearer from the step child's perspective. Which, from some of the responses on this thread, (not necessarily the op but others), often doesn't appear to have been taken in to consideration. [/quote]
So you were never a stepchild yourself but you can see things from their point of view? Ok then 🙄

I'm not a step-parent but I've been a step-child (for most of my childhood) and I think the step-children should share the loft room with some kind of room divider solution.